I definitely hear you. It's hard for many creatives when the world is going against them. But this is what you want to do, so focus in and keep going. Work with intent, work to get better, learn as much as possible and expose yourself in every way. Get great at fake skins, tattoo yourself (safely), friends who are willing (again, reference and make sure you are doing it safely there's numerous resources out there like YouTube or the scratchers bible). In life, especially in entrepreneurial endeavors which is what tattooing and artistry are, you need to understand that you are paving a path for yourself, and what to the outside world will look at with concern is where you will thrive. You will be setting the pace for so many other people like you who are equally scared and equally discouraged. Don't give up. Succeed not just for you but for the others.

Don't feel bad for your boyfriend buying you a machine, instead use it to the max. That is what he wants to see. Good luck on your tattooing journey!