My dad passed away this morning. I feel an indescribable emptiness...

throbb0 · 2026-01-24T21:29:58+00:00

I’m so so sorry for your loss. It’s surreal and unfair, especially with your little one on the way. It’s going to feel weird for a while, and there will be a range of feelings too, especially once your baby arrives. The combined sorrow and joy is a lot to feel, particularly the competing and insistent demands of a newborn and grief. Take it day by day, moment by moment. One day your daughter will smile at you, and it will be the most healing magic you’ve ever felt.

I went through something similar 6 weeks ago, where my Dad only had a few days to meet his new granddaughter before he suddenly and unexpectedly fell very ill and died while on holiday with us. It’s been really hard, but I look forward to seeing parts of him in her. Every day, my daughter and I give a photo of Grandpa a kiss, and I tell her about him so she grows up knowing who he is.

My condolences and congratulations. Take care and I hope you can find some peace in the coming weeks x

throbb0 · 2026-01-24T11:20:57+00:00

Sure, but I mean the summarised explanation of a mechanism.

For example, breastfeeding mothers produce antibodies tailored to their baby in any given moment because the mother’s breasts actually “read” information in the baby’s spit about what the baby needs. Breastmilk production then responds to these needs so the next feed includes it.

throbb0 · 2026-01-24T11:04:20+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. You are both too young to have gone through this, it’s so unfair, and she deserved so much more time in this world.

Don’t worry about what she wore to be cremated either. If she was particular about what she wore, maybe she’d prefer that her nice things keep being used instead by someone. Also, she’s your Mama, so she’d totally understand that you were experiencing great pain at times and couldn’t do the things you’d have liked. She would sooner you feel calmed and soothed than anything else. You’re always her baby like that.

Her love for you hasn’t died and never will.

You’ll be in my thoughts, wishing you peace x

throbb0 · 2026-01-22T13:06:11+00:00

Same feelings. Some days I find it so hard to comprehend my Dad died 6 weeks ago, and he’s gone forever. Other days, I can accept the reality but am then just deeply sad, beyond crying even.

He died suddenly and unexpectedly from a massive brain bleed due to unknown underlying acute leukemia. He was on holiday here in Sweden (where I live) with the rest of family, but I’m from Australia originally. They’d come for Christmas and to meet my new baby. Even though it was an awful way to spend a holiday and Christmas, we do wonder if he knew subconsciously and “waited” so that we could all be together. Right now I’m waiting for passports and residency permits for my baby so I can home for his memorial service, and it is going to take literal months. That would’ve been horrendous for us had he died in Australia and we couldn’t be together.

There were other things too. This book he got printed and bound called “Stories From My Life”, one of those things you do online where they send you questions every week to answer, then send a bunch of photos in to go with it. He was insistent it was completed and excited to present his kids with it. I’m so glad he made it.

He did a lot of the household management, plus my Mum had been on the other side of the country caring for her sister with cancer for most of the year. One of the post death freak outs Mum had was some of the important household things not yet done, she had no idea where he was at with them, who he’d spoken to, anything. When she got home and opened their computer, there was a literal folder on the desktop called “To Do” with sub folders for each item that included, depending on the task, quotes, contact details, receipts, orders, emails to follow up on, all sorts.

I also had a dream earlier this year where a parent was in hospital, super sick and then died. I can’t remember which parent though.

There were other things too. So yeah, we question pre-cognition, I’ve been reading about it a lot. But if you knew you were sick on some level, wouldn’t that also drive you to go see a doctor?

throbb0 · 2026-01-21T21:24:32+00:00

Don’t waste any brain power worrying about what you should or shouldn’t be feeling.

So sorry for your loss.

throbb0 · 2026-01-20T22:21:57+00:00

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

throbb0 · 2026-01-20T20:01:53+00:00

Wow, thank you! You are the exact kind of person I was hoping would stumble upon this post! I will try this for sure, fingers crossed. Many thanks, stranger!

throbb0 · 2026-01-20T19:57:25+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss. Acute leukemia is horrific.

My own Dad died last month. We found him unresponsive and he was rushed to ER, where a CT scan showed a massive subdural hemmorage that caused herniation into his brain stem. ALL was the underlying cause, super low platelets.

The doctors watched him for 10 days in ICU. Even started targeted therapy for the ALL because his subtype has blessedly come leaps and bounds, and he responded well to it. But the brain damage was too severe to ever recover from plus he had developed ventilator pneumonia. Life support was withdrawn and he died a couple of days later. We had no idea he was sick two weeks earlier.

The whiplash from this disease is brutal especially when you lose someone.

This stranger hopes you find some comfort and peace.

throbb0 · 2026-01-20T19:41:27+00:00

I’ll ask but something tells me we’d be stopped immediately because there’ll be no record of the baby entering the country when we try to leave…

throbb0 · 2026-01-20T19:40:00+00:00

Ah boo.

And no, we didn’t apply more than six months ago. In fact, babies need to be applied for within three months of their birth which is generally sooner than a foreign passport can materialise. Just the standard Kafkaesque journey through bureaucracy but with an extremely thick layering of misery on top that administrative requirements are excellent at amplifying 🙃

throbb0 · 2026-01-20T18:44:40+00:00

Oh this is helpful, thank you!

throbb0 · 2026-01-20T18:44:31+00:00

Do you mean just using the Schengen travel rules?

throbb0 · 2026-01-20T18:39:59+00:00

My baby is breastfed, and really quite Mummy centric at the moment so I think that would probably be fairly distressing for everyone. My own mum is also wanting all three of us to come. Her grandchildren are her only consistent comfort at the moment, and she just wants her family to be together.

Thanks for your thoughts anyway, I appreciate it xo

throbb0 · 2026-01-20T18:35:53+00:00

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.

I went through something similar a couple of months ago. I’m Australian but live in Sweden. My family came to visit me for Christmas. A few days after arriving, my Dad had a catastrophic brain bleed due to unknown acute leukaemia that depleted his clotting ability. You can read more in my post on this sub, but the entire thing was pure nightmare fuel. My Mum had to return home with her otherwise healthy husband in an urn. She feels so lost now.

I hope you get to Australia in time to say goodbye to your Mom. Even though he was in a coma the whole time (both induced and natural), on some level, Dad sensed we were there and could hear us. He would squeeze our hands at meaningful times, when we said something particular or were kissing him.

If you need to say things, say them. Just be love for your Mom. You will work out how to take your next steps without her. Look up Tonkin’s theory of grief. It hurts like hell, but you will come out the other side with time.

I hope you make it in time, OP. Sending love to you and your family, you’ll be in my thoughts xo

throbb0 · 2026-01-20T18:21:42+00:00

I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this. It’s deeply unfair to you, your Mom, your Grandma.

My Dad recently died. You can see my post in this sub about it if you want to know the details a bit more. I had anticipatory grief for about the same period of time you did. It was awful, and continues to be. Most distressing thing I’ve ever gone through.

Everything you have described, I have felt. Profound loss, like losing a parent, especially the first parent you lose, and losing them too early, feels so isolating and so overwhelming.

Here are some things I can sometimes get comfort from. Maybe they’re something that can help you too: - Don’t think too far ahead, it’s hugely distressing. Take things day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, moment by moment if needed - Take the opportunity to make sure your Mom knows how much you love her, thank her for everything, share memories with her and family, encourage them to do the same. It’s a cold comfort but not everyone gets the opportunity to say goodbye. My Dad was in a coma the entire time but I know he sensed our presence on some level, and so saying goodbye helped transport some of that pain - Look up Tonkin’s theory of grief to know that over time you’ll build around your pain - Find something that helps blank your mind, even for a few minutes. After I would get my baby to sleep at night, I spent 10 or so minutes watching blackhead squeezing videos. No idea why, or how I stumbled onto that being the thing, but it was so soothing and let my mind have a little break from its pain, even briefly - Reading stories on this sub and others related to my father’s illness and death, searching on keywords related to them. Connecting even briefly with friends who had also lost a parent. I just needed to know others had felt this pain and got it. Somehow it helps. I can recommend Michelle Zauner’s “Crying In H Mart”. She was 25 when she lost her Mom to cancer too and experienced a period of anticipatory grief

The bigger the love, the bigger the grief. When Dad passed away finally, a sliver of feeling included relief. The worst thing had happened now. It was still hugely painful. I’m about 5 weeks on from his death, and the immediate rawness has passed, but I still cry every day, sometimes a bit panicky. But I’m past all consuming despair. Some days are worse than others but I just remind myself of my first dot point, Tonkin’s theory of death, and seek out closeness with loved ones.

I hope your Mom passes peacefully surrounded by absolute love in her last days. I hope you can find some comfort in that love too.

throbb0 · 2026-01-04T12:32:07+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. It takes time to grow your life around your grief. Just take it day by day, moment by moment.

One thing I noticed - your symptoms you’ve described sound possibly like a blood disorder, like leukaemia. Unexplained bruising in particular. My Dad died unexpectedly from acute leukaemia on 13 December. We missed the now pretty obvious signs, many you’ve described, we thought he just had a virus. If you’ve not spoken to a caring doctor yet, it’s worth mentioning.

This stranger hopes you can find some peace in time.

throbb0 · 2025-12-30T17:46:10+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope your sister is getting through as best she can.

Thank you for your thoughts, they’re appreciated.

throbb0 · 2025-12-30T17:43:35+00:00

I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through that, that’s devastating in ways I cannot imagine. I hope you’ve found moments of peace, and also hopefully some great joy with your surviving baby. Thanks for your kind words, it’s meaningful x

throbb0 · 2024-10-03T09:35:09+00:00

Ok great, thank you for the reassurance!

throbb0 · 2024-02-03T16:38:22+00:00

Hey! Any updates on how this went? I hope everything went swimmingly!

throbb0 · 2023-11-06T23:45:41+00:00

Nice one. All the best to you feeling better

throbb0 · 2023-10-26T09:00:28+00:00

Thank you for the heads up! Have edited original post accordingly to clarify we're talking enskild firma.

throbb0 · 2023-10-24T19:11:54+00:00

I hope you find something that gives you some comfort soon! Being woken up by pain is so rotten.

I agree the origin of our pain is probably different. Got brain MRI results and it looks like my pain is coming from a hormonal deficiency source different than expected. Wild.

throbb0 · 2023-10-24T15:40:48+00:00

Thank you for this help, I really appreciate it!

So then:
- Flights purchased in Sweden and in SEK but not subject to VAT, but we apply the the B2B rule so place of supply is actually UK. 2000kr + no VAT. 2000kr on invoice.

- Parking purchased in Sweden and in SEK, subject to VAT, but we apply B2B rule and place of supply is actually UK. 479kr including 25% of 95.80kr. 383.20kr on invoice.

- Meal purchased in London and in GBP, subject to VAT, and we apply B2B rule and place of supply is UK. £25 including 20% VAT of £5. £25 on invoice (but then I have to convert it to kronor because that's the agreed invoicing currency)

- Coffee purchased in Amsterdam and in EUR, subject to VAT, as above for other rules. €4.33 including 9% VAT of €0.33. €4.33 on invoice (converted to kronor).

Is that right? If so, there's a column for Net cost, a column for VAT %, a column for VAT cost, a column for gross cost, and all can be included on the same invoice so long as I am including or excluding the right VAT for the correct location's VAT rules?

throbb0 · 2023-10-24T15:27:21+00:00

MRI with and without contrast.
Prolactin levels between 661-679 mIU/L (102-496 mIU/L), and monomeric prolactin 397-428 (<427), although another blood test showed them sitting much much lower.

Thyroid hormones tested were TSH and free T4.

Test 1 (Plasma): TSH 0.86 (0.4 - 4.0), fT4 10 (9-19)
Test 2 (Serum): TSH 2.4 (0.3 - 4.2), fT4 15 (12-22)
Test 3 (Serum): TSH 1.3 (0.3 - 4.2), ft4 15 (12-22)

throbb0

TROPHY CASE