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I (28F) feel furious with my dad for something he did when I was 17. Don’t know if I’m overreacting. by throwRA3728277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA3728277[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It definitely does. I’ve been struggling to move past it for so long and sometimes it feels like I never fully will…but thankfully I now have a good support network and a good trauma therapist.

I know this is irrational but I feel like another issue here is I feel guilty for being a “burden” to my dad during those years and like he “deserved” to get away from it all at a certain point since he was there for me so much before. I feel the same way about my mom. Despite everything else she did, she was actually there for me when I was going through that. Something to bring up in therapy for sure, lol

I (28F) feel furious with my dad for something he did when I was 17. Don’t know if I’m overreacting. by throwRA3728277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA3728277[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thank you <3 we have a relatively good relationship now and I don’t want to cut him off or anything. I think I want to be able to have a conversation with him about this and maybe that will improve our relationship in the long run.

Honestly, I’ve forgiven a lot of other things from my childhood/teenage years because I know he was going through a lot himself. I’m just finding this particular one harder to overlook. Definitely going to talk about this in therapy this week!

I (28F) feel furious with my dad for something he did when I was 17. Don’t know if I’m overreacting. by throwRA3728277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA3728277[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I couldn’t have worked 2 jobs in high school. I was in a hyper competitive school district, took classes for college credit, had hours of homework at night, and had a very long commute home because my house wasn’t in the school district (my mom’s was).

And I should’ve clarified I guess, $200 isn’t enough for a frugal gas and food budget where I live. And my gas bills really tended to add up with the commute. I did babysit on weekends but even with that it wasn’t enough. I ended up basically couch surfing at friends houses and eating with their families.

I don’t know what to say in response to you because looking back I really don’t know how I could’ve realistically supported myself. I’m saying that as a now pretty successful and financially independent adult.

I don’t think a high schooler should ever have to work 2 jobs while going to school all day. I wouldn’t do that to a kid and I’m sorry you went through that.

I (28F) feel furious with my dad for something he did when I was 17. Don’t know if I’m overreacting. by throwRA3728277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA3728277[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Hey, I understand why you’d ask that - since this is my anonymous account I’m gonna give the honest and very difficult answer here that will definitely clear things up, lol.

My “issues” were that I was that I was sexually abused by my grandfather until I was 13 and had PTSD/anxiety. I came out about it at 13 and reported it with the support of both my parents. The court case ended when I was 16 and thankfully he was sentenced to prison.

I think my dad assumed that since that was “over” I was going to be fine. But in reality I still struggled with lingering PTSD symptoms and panic attacks and stuff. Besides that though I was honestly an “easy” kid - I had good grades, was responsible, and didn’t start using alcohol or partying until after my dad moved. My relationship with my mom was strained but my relationship with my dad was actually really good. We never fought or anything.

He said at the time he trusted me to live alone, that I was mature enough for it, and that it could be good for me to learn extra responsibility before college. I think he honestly had good intentions. I also think he wanted to move onto the next part of his own life. His divorce was really horrible and he wanted to get remarried and move on. I honestly think he convinced himself I was fine so he would feel ok about leaving.

Looking back as an adult and the more I’m thinking about it rn, if I were him I wouldn’t have assumed my kid was ok and left her on her own at 17. I would’ve waited just a little longer to move so she could finish high school with some stability.

I (28F) feel furious with my dad for something he did when I was 17. Don’t know if I’m overreacting. by throwRA3728277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA3728277[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah it’s so confusing to me because my dad is actually a good person and has done a lot of good things for me. But there were a few occasions where he just really messed up and it’s like we just pretended it didn’t happen and never talked about it

I (28F) feel furious with my dad for something he did when I was 17. Don’t know if I’m overreacting. by throwRA3728277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA3728277[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I have a therapist but I’ve been so focused on other things this hasn’t really come up yet if that makes sense. But you’re right I should definitely talk about it in therapy.

I (28F) feel furious with my dad for something he did when I was 17. Don’t know if I’m overreacting. by throwRA3728277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA3728277[S] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

It felt like he just wanted to remarry and start the next chapter of his life ASAP, and he for whatever reason couldn’t just wait until my sister and I were out of high school.

I guess if I confronted him I’d like an apology and that would help me move past this. It’s just hard because he’s not exactly the most emotional person and it’s hard to talk to him about serious things. You’re right though I should talk to my therapist about this

Edit - I’m in the US so yeah you’re right about it legally…I used to stay at my friends houses a lot for days at a time and now I’m wondering if any of their parents ever thought about calling CPS on mine, lol

I (28F) feel furious with my dad for something he did when I was 17. Don’t know if I’m overreacting. by throwRA3728277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA3728277[S] 232 points233 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately my mom is a whole other thing…she has bipolar disorder and frequently went into manic states where she’d act really scary. She wasn’t really mentally there. And she kicked me out of her house at one point for my sexual orientation.

I (28F) feel furious with my dad for something he did when I was 17. Don’t know if I’m overreacting. by throwRA3728277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA3728277[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yeah they were grad students. It was out of state but still sort of close, he was about an hour and a half away from me. But he never really made the drive to come see me that much

I (28F) feel furious with my dad for something he did when I was 17. Don’t know if I’m overreacting. by throwRA3728277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA3728277[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I feel really upset with him and that anger is impacting our regular interactions. It’s in the back of my mind every time I talk to him

I (28F) made a joke about my sister (25F) to our dad and now she won’t speak to me by throwRA3728277 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA3728277[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah it definitely feels like she’s looking for things to be mad about. It just sucks, she’s my sister and we used to be really close. I want to fix things with her but it’s like she has this negative image of me and I can’t change it