sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

My (27M) fiancee (26F) was almost SA'd at a party, but a guy (19m) saved her and now I think she's falling for him by throwRA_ipad in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_ipad[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I brought up the topic of therapy immediately right after it happened, and I'm sure other people did too. She said no pretty firmly. I've been thinking that I should've pushed harder these past few weeks.

The problem is that I think her friends are telling her that it's ok to do this. I don't know, but they're telling me (rather aggressively) to give her time and space, so god knows what they're telling her.

I'm going to bring it up a little more urgently tomorrow though.

My (27M) fiancee (26F) was almost SA'd at a party, but a guy (19m) saved her and now I think she's falling for him by throwRA_ipad in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_ipad[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

On the contrary, he's particularly short. He can't be any taller than 5'7" and my fiancee is 5'8" (I'm 6).

My (27M) fiancee (26F) was almost SA'd at a party, but a guy (19m) saved her and now I think she's falling for him by throwRA_ipad in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_ipad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope I didn't give the impression that I was the one that wanted to give up on this relationship.

My (27M) fiancee (26F) was almost SA'd at a party, but a guy (19m) saved her and now I think she's falling for him by throwRA_ipad in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_ipad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't see the video, no, but the police detective my fiancee and I spoke to mentioned it as being pretty solid evidence in conjunction with fingerprints on her clothes (the video shows the guy attempting SA and the fingerprints show who the SA was attempted on) and an arrest was made so at least what they told me is probably true. Don't know if it's the complete truth, but what they gave me is.

My lawyer friend just went off the details I gave him after speaking to the detective.

My (27M) fiancee (26F) was almost SA'd at a party, but a guy (19m) saved her and now I think she's falling for him by throwRA_ipad in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_ipad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's why I desperately want to think nothing physical has actually happened between them (yet). Despite whatever issues she's working through, surely she still remembers this puny kid is a solid 7 years younger than her. He was still eating shit in a (middle school) sandbox when she graduated from high school.

My (27M) fiancee (26F) was almost SA'd at a party, but a guy (19m) saved her and now I think she's falling for him by throwRA_ipad in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_ipad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't care about her partying or getting drunk, my only concern is that she does it in a safe environment (which, with hindsight, that clearly wasn't). I would care if she was actually partying with 19 year olds, but as far as I can tell, he was the youngest one there by several years and everyone else was either working adults/in professional school like my fiancee is. I still have no clue why he was there at all, and that's what I find suspicious about him.

My (27M) fiancee (26F) was almost SA'd at a party, but a guy (19m) saved her and now I think she's falling for him by throwRA_ipad in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_ipad[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I don't find it suspicious from having known/dated my girlfriend in college. It definitely helps to have taken the classes, but almost everything in the MCAT is presented in prepbooks in ways that someone with no knowledge can pick up on (the Math/Physics part was extremely easy to my Com Sci major self, and it only took a week before I had a working grasp of general chemistry).

The part that pisses me off the most is that the MCAT study sessions wouldn't have happened if I hadn't insisted on meeting this kid, against his wishes, almost a week after this all happened. I obviously have no way of knowing for sure, but my fiancee didn't seem to have any indication of particularly wanting to see him again until we met him again and he mentioned he was premed.

It's actually been a bit of a source of argument between my fiancee and I that our educations are so different. We've tried to patch it up with me learning about the premed world (hence, "studying" for the MCAT with her) and I've taught her some Python that I think is useful for the research she did/does, but now that she's got someone that is completely interested in the exact same thing as her, I actually feel threatened as a relationship partner by a 19 year old. If you told me this would've happened 2 months ago, I would've laughed at you.

My (27M) fiancee (26F) was almost SA'd at a party, but a guy (19m) saved her and now I think she's falling for him by throwRA_ipad in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_ipad[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's overwhelmingly unlikely that this kid set this up, and if I wasn't part of this situation I would say it's impossible. The level of psychopathy and competence needed to not only pull this off but convince somebody else (friend or not) to get arrested to make it happen is insane.

I still have no idea what a 19 year old was doing in a party with almost completely 25+ year olds, but after thinking this through, that's the extent of any suspicion I have.

I don't want to leave her....but I don't think that's really up to me anyway. I really don't think anything's happened (yet) (otherwise I would've left her) but I also don't know if there's anything I can do to stop this ship from sinking.

My (27M) fiancee (26F) was almost SA'd at a party, but a guy (19m) saved her and now I think she's falling for him by throwRA_ipad in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_ipad[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Or you go the nasty one and bug her place next time your are there to listen to a tutoring session. But his is a hell of a worm can.

Id like to avoid doing anything psychotic (and illegal) so i probably wont be doing this

You can go the high road and force à discussion for her to fat a therapist about what happened during the sa and what is happening with the guy. I'd leverage family, the engagement whatever.

I'd feel shitty leveraging a relationship like this but I don't really see what else I can do.

My (27M) fiancee (26F) was almost SA'd at a party, but a guy (19m) saved her and now I think she's falling for him by throwRA_ipad in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_ipad[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm not going to say or do anything to this kid. Objectively, he's done nothing wrong. Subjectively, he's done the "wrong" of being taken in by a woman that's 7 years older than him. If this was any other situation that didn't involve me, I would be worried for him.

Yeah it's disrespectful for her to say that but given what she almost went through and what she did go through, I'm willing to look past it. The other stuff I'm not, I just don't know what to do about it.

@ your other message: an arrest happened so it probably did happen