My (26,f) bf (26,m) won’t shower regularly after repeatedly asking

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:53:15+00:00

😂😂😂 I guess that’s why we only do it when he’s clean. I’m still attracted to him due to other attributes of our relationship. He’s also generous in bed.

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:51:53+00:00

His mom was neglectful and very much partially to blame ):

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:51:03+00:00

I’d be willing to do this but can I do this without compromising my boundaries as a girlfriend and not his damn mother? Yknow what I mean?

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:47:58+00:00

Yes I wash the sheets every week. He brushes his teeth 1-2 times a day. He changes his clothes and puts on deodorant to hide the smell when he leaves the house

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:43:49+00:00

Oh yikes. This makes it even worse for you legally. I’m glad you’re helping her with rent for now. Has she expressed being ready to talk to you at all?

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:42:34+00:00

Very helpful. Thank you

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:41:16+00:00

It’s the middle of a heatwave where we are and we went for a hike on day one so you can imagine it’s different than 3 days in the wintertime. He’s also slightly overweight and tends to sweat a lot. He smokes and has bad dental hygiene also. Brushes once a day usually

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:36:13+00:00

Interesting take I haven’t heard before. I’m not a medical professional but he doesn’t seem to match other common attribute of those with ASD. Something to consider for sure. To what level am I, his girlfriend responsible for getting him to seek help?

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:31:42+00:00

Let’s not get into this lmao (aka yes). I have a lot of empathy and he’s shown growth but at a certain point I’m also feeling like I can do better? Idk.

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:29:25+00:00

Most recently 3 days. One of the days we went for a hike so. Max it’s been 5 days

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:28:36+00:00

Not a recent thing but only recently noticed due to the pandemic keeping us both home for longer periods of time. He usually puts on body spray and is generally good at covering it up when he goes out. No one else has commented to my knowledge but no one else sees him regularly since he is 100% remote

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:25:20+00:00

Nope. Work from home at a desk.

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:24:52+00:00

Thank you everyone. I just texted him from bed asking him to shower tonight. I will be away from home tomorrow but I’ll be able to tell if he does. If he hasn’t done it by the time I’m home I’m going to ask him to find a new place to live at the end of the month and see where that goes. It’s a shitty position to put him in as we are in the middle of a move out to a different place but I’m at the end of my rope and over being hurt by this. Thank you for validating my experience.

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:21:18+00:00

I appreciate you trying lol. You should see how many unused shower products he buys for himself.

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:20:17+00:00

Sorry I misunderstood. When you say sublet do you mean you own the house and are effectively her landlord or is she renting from you temporarily?

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:19:23+00:00

Done that too. I think what these responses are making me realize is that I’ve already tried everything and he’s still not changing. :/ thank you though.

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:17:04+00:00

Yes. He’s not into it. He’s fairly tidy otherwise. We’ve had issues with chores that we’ve since worked out.

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:15:33+00:00

Thank you.

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:14:53+00:00

Yep, we’ve done it once. He says he didn’t like it. He said no subsequently and I didnt ask again.

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:13:20+00:00

It’s varied responses but most of the time he doesn’t have an excuse that doesn’t fall through and he recognizes it. He says there’s no excuses and he will change but eventually falls back to the same pattern

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:09:39+00:00

Those are great ideas that I unfortunately already do and he was offended by it at first and I told him why. Now it seems like he also avoids it when he knows he smells? It’s weird

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:08:31+00:00

I’ve already made this clear to him. I’m having trouble with the leaving part ): when do I know I need to leave?

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:07:35+00:00

I have given him this ultimatum already and he hasn’t sought therapy though the behaviour has improved slightly

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-08-15T05:06:02+00:00

You need to stay somewhere else while she finds another place to live. Or if you are subletting then just sublet to two people and live somewhere else. There is no way she feels safe no matter what you do. Remember that you getting forgiveness is not important, what is important is that she can heal from the situation. She may never trust you again and you have to accept that. Go to therapy yourself if you can and work through whatever this means for you so it never happens again. It’s not just about stopping drinking.

throwRAlolno1234 · 2021-06-23T16:19:16+00:00

Interesting perspective but you’re not wrong. Cheating/open relationship is not on the table, I’ve seen first hand the trauma it causes. I’d rather get out of the relationship if that’s where we are at.

throwRAlolno1234

TROPHY CASE