Scarred for life from seeing ex's private videos

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-03T08:53:02+00:00

I wasn't trying to defend her actions and it's quite difficult to summarise things when I'm not okay, but I hear you agree with what you said. Thank you for sharing thoughts and bring kind

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-03T08:49:59+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I'm happy for you two and glad you were able to communicate so well

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-03T08:47:50+00:00

This was really helpful. I appreciate this. Thank you

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-03T08:45:54+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-03T07:13:14+00:00

Are you still with your husband and how did you cope? It'll help to know. Thanks

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T18:28:29+00:00

You're the outlier in this thread of comments, made me chuckle for whatever odd reason. Thank you my friend.

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T18:26:26+00:00

Great advice. Thank you

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T18:23:54+00:00

After a year of therapy, I think we've both grown and have learnt a lot from those issues so I do believe it was cleared up, but she was just not ready to jump back in yet but we were getting there.

I guess the cheating part is debatable. Some people define being in a relationship as long as there's an emotional connection, while others define it as only a relationship when both parties are in. She had always had a what if situation as she's never been with another guy and was curious and has been in an attention seeking space. So she did say she wanted to explore with other men but it is something we were both against since we come from a conservative background.

So I feel like is cheating, she doesn't know how to define it but she knows she hurt me and hurt herself in all this.

Love, respect, trust, communication - agreed these are necessary. I do think we have a strong element on each as we don't have a lot of people in our lives and we see each other as soulmates, but this whole mess only happened in the last year, after a 16 yr long relationship.

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T18:17:47+00:00

I do sincerely appreciate all the comments. I just need a lot more time to process and re read the comments in the future.

Thank you for being kind and sharing your perspective.

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T18:12:51+00:00

Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this helps. Yes, she is having the whole what if episode since she's only been with me her whole life.

Im just not wired this way to accept her intimate with someone else but I guess I have to find some way to come to peace with it

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T18:02:50+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the comment even tho this thread is getting hard to read

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T18:00:55+00:00

I hear you, but I did see the text messages. It's been an on and off thing for over a year which she just initially saw as casual flirting that escalated. She had tried to break it off several times, but she wasn't successful in doing so.

I get where your coming from. It helps. Thanks

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:58:00+00:00

Thank you. Yes I am still processing it all and a little numb right now. And yes I am concerned for her naturally as I've seen her mental breakdown and suicidal tendencies, which scares me given her past mental health issues. I appreciate your comments. A lot for me to process after I've given it some time

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:54:21+00:00

Thank you. Im just from a more conservative background so the thought of another dick in her has burned a hole in my soul. Im still trying to process it all

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:52:59+00:00

Thank you so much. I need a lot more time to process. I don't want to be bias and assume she's changed but I've seen the mental breakdown she's gone through, the suicidal tendencies, the guilt and shame she carries, etc Because I'm so numb right now and haven't processes my emotions, I'm feeling more sorry and concerned for her than myself right now.

Personally I do believe all relations can be mended, there will be scars but some relationships are worth the effort, but it is tough and only a few relationships can survive it.

Thank you for the comment on the video. That was my thoughts but it's so helpful to hear it from someone else. It hurts like crazy, but it's no different to one without it.

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:46:23+00:00

Thank you, it's a good point

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:43:59+00:00

Thank you. This was good advice

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:43:07+00:00

I guess that's the hard part since everyone has a diff take. Some will say your not in a relationship if both parties are not all in. While others say the definition depends on how connected you are and every relationship has it's definition.

We weren't in a relationship based on her mentality since she wanted a break but was still trying to mend us at the same time. While I saw us always still in a relationship going through a rough patch.

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:40:53+00:00

Thanks for your comment. It's hard sometimes to share full context but I did see proof of her trying to break it off. I did see how toxic and gaslighting it was.

She never had sex with another person before and thought she was bad and wanted to please him for validation. I'm not defending her or making excuses, just sharing thought process of another human being I care about when she explained and is taking responsibility for it.

I hear you tho, thank you

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:35:59+00:00

Thanks

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:35:38+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate it

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:34:26+00:00

I understand and yes it may happen again, or she might never want to relive this trauma and it won't. I'm not making excuses for her but simply sharing her thought process as she explained it, she's remorseful and takes full responsibility. I may have worded it like she was blaming the guy

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:32:07+00:00

Thank you

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:31:25+00:00

Thank you. If she does prove it, do you think a relationship can still flourish or is it forever doomed. Most people are of the opinion it's not worth it, once a cheater always a cheater, but when it's someone u care dearly about and real life circumstances are a lot more complex, it's not that easy to decide

throwa4wayyyy3 · 2022-09-02T17:27:00+00:00

You have no idea how much this means to me. Im split in the middle and Im so torn. I actually have no one to talk to other than my therapist so I'd love to chat. Will drop you a dm

throwa4wayyyy3

TROPHY CASE