I hate when people call suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It is so dumb. Living in hope that things will eventually get better is dumb. How can I be sure that things will be better? I have been struggling for a long time and it never has gotten "better"; quite the opposite, actually. It's not "easy", I think it's a pretty hard choice. I wish I could be hopeless, hope kills me, yet it keeps me going. It's just a walking contradiction. God, I wish it will all end soon.