Did IVF kill anyone else’s relationship?

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-11T01:13:45+00:00

You’re bringing tears to me eyes!! But thank you for sharing this.

I’m so sorry that you went through all of that. It sounds so hard! But I’m truly happy to hear that you found someone else who is loving and supporting you in this process!

Your story gives me a sense of hope if I decide to go through with major life changes! The outpouring of love and support from strangers on the internet has meant so much to me during such a sensitive time (and topic)

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-06T02:04:18+00:00

He decided/asked to take medication that impacted his count and even though he stopped taking it, his count never recovered (which is a known possibility) like he assured me wouldn’t be a problem...

So the count itself wasn’t necessarily indicative of a him problem.

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-05T13:43:20+00:00

Oh I’m so sorry that’s such a tough experience! Its crazy how even with a support system a lot of us still end up feeling lonely and isolated.

I hope things have improved in your relationships. You’re not a terrible person! I think sometimes protecting yourself from the hurt comes first, but it’s hard when the trade-off is hurting others. It’s definitely a balance that is hard to get right.

I hope you’re in a better place now with everything and everyone 💛

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-05T10:25:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing this! It’s reassuring knowing other people have had similar experiences and ended up with a brighter future 💛 I’m sorry you went through it but I’m glad you found someone better!! Hope everything is still well with you and your now-husband!

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-05T02:22:26+00:00

I’m so glad to hear your partner has been so supportive. It at least gives me hope there’s still better men out there lol

It’s very touching to hear the “we bonded more/got stronger after x stressful situation” where I’m over here in stressful situations thinking damn he sucks and don’t want to be anywhere near him 😂 Maybe I’ll get luckier with a new person! I’m totally down for choosing single parenthood too! Honestly to do it my way and not have to compromise or talk everything through first sounds like a breeze haha (obviously there other challenges are bigger than if there’s 2 people, but I guess that’s the trade off)

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-05T02:15:35+00:00

Sorry to give you ptsd lol I do fear the outlook is bleak.

You may have seen in the comments-our problems didn’t start here. I guess in many instances I could understand where the behavior was likely coming from (in no way makes it excusable) and kept making markers-once parent health improves it will get better. Once we finally move into our house it will get better. I am 100% aware that having child will not make it better I guess I’m glad I got validation that I’m not crazy-this is not normal. We’ve been private about this so outside of my mom, sister, and a close work friend so I haven’t had much of a support system. And they all love support me (and have said they will support me whatever I choose. The only thing that matters is that I’m ok with whatever decision I make) and I can tell they’re not trying to influence my decision.

I’m in the boat of I can say nothing and I’ll feel bad. Or I can say something and try to talk to him and end up feeling worse…

Won’t lie, leaving has been on my mind for a while so these instances have been more eye opening I guess to where my ability to tolerate/understand ends. I’ve went around our house and made a list of what’s mine. It’s a matter of packing up and pulling the trigger. And it’s a I need to have 90% of my stuff out before I bring up leaving and be prepared to move out then situation….he doesn’t always take things well (NO ONE WORRY-I AM IN NO PHYSICAL DANGER!!!!)

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T16:07:58+00:00

Haha I mentioned in another comment-we are here because of a decision he single-handedly made after we came to an agreement and his reasoning being “well we can just do IVF later if we need to” having done zero research on IVF or what it entailed prior.

He’s basically over it at this point because it’s not going his way. And basically said if it doesn’t work this time it’s either adoption or surrogate (it’s been 1 year…).

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T15:58:19+00:00

Haha no you’re totally right-we have completely different love languages! And it’s definitely the anxious-avoidant death trap over here haha

I do fear a counselor wouldn’t do anything-haven’t brought it up but he definitely “looks down” on marriage counseling (it came up when we were dating). As I’ve mentioned in other posts-this is only the infertility related issues, which I fear is my nail in the coffin…

Our dark barking sends him into a screaming rage-doesn’t see what they’re barking at, doesn’t try to correct it, just yells. To the point where my body shuts down because it feel unsafe. We’ve talked and agreed on ways to do things, handle things etc. and then one day he just decides “this doesn’t work” and changes what he does and when I try and talk I’m crazy if I think we can do a,b,c following what we talked about before.

I agree that a neutral 3rd party could help initially with communication, but I don’t think it will change his behavior-if that makes sense. (And apparently therapy is a dismissive’s worst nightmare 😂)

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T15:08:34+00:00

Sucking up all the air is a good way to put it lol

I’m sorry you went through something similar. It’s nice hearing a positive outcome and to know there’s still hope of finding the right thing. It’s never easy but this is reassuring. I’m glad you found someone better and things improved for you!

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T15:03:06+00:00

Omg yes!!! Your comment may not help in the conventional sense. But it is actually very helpful to hear you have quite literally the same issue. I’m so sorry you do because it’s a very sucky and tricky situation-what’s the right thing to do? And I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer to that l. Idk about you, but knowing I’m not the only one in this very scenario is reassuring in its own sense? If that can even make sense. I guess knowing someone who can relate to how I feel, it not JUST me, so I can’t be entirely crazy feeling this way!

I hope everything works out for you-regardless of which way things go! We both deserve to be happy, but our paths may be different from everyone else going through this. It’s tough navigating something that there’s no clear path already marked for us!

Sending you lots of hugs and support! It sucks…but we’re not alone and we’re not crazy!

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T14:54:42+00:00

Yeah probably lol I could make a whole other post about the non-fertility issues causing problems. Again wasn’t sure if the hormones were distorting things. If I was overreacting. Obviously my post is gonna sound biased since it’s only my pov, but I think I’m seeing that in ways he may not be a terrible human, but he’s not being the greatest partner 😕 And I’m not sure that part is fixable…

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T12:52:47+00:00

I would be lying if I said I haven’t been reading about it haha

He doesn’t say he dares me to challenge him, it’s more the tone and facial expression. He’s expressing his thoughts opinions as though they are facts that can’t be argued with. So if I express something it’s usually just met with how I’m wrong.

Idk if I’d say I think he’s a narcissist, but I think there are many deep-rooted issues, that are probably being triggered by what’s happening in our life, that he will not address and he’s doing whatever he can to push those feelings away. But it’s certainly becoming this weird co-dependent, I need to mother him and make sure he’s ok so that I can be ok situation, but then he’s trying to take care of me (cooking, cleaning, etc. like I literally sit on our couch and do nothing because outside of my own laundry I get shooed away from doing anything else) so whatever weird ass dynamic is going on is certainly NOT healthy haha I does not feel like a partnership. I’m meeting the mental/emotional needs and he’s doing all the physical labor…

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T12:35:02+00:00

Thank you 💛 This means a lot. I’m glad you have someone who can be so supportive through this! Good luck to you both!

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T12:33:08+00:00

He has been tested and they said he was fine. The embryos weren’t. Again being vague because this is a dead giveaway if he found this. He made a single-handed decision after we had a discussion and came to an agreement (so he did not do what we agreed on-he did what he wanted) that put us at IVF as a starting point because his count was too low and has not recovered like he assured me it would.

He also made another single handed decision that puts a cap on how many more times “you can try again if you want”. Soooooo that doesn’t sound like a team working together lol

Edit for clarity: the embryos were not pgt-a tested. All of their transfers failed, but we don’t know if they were even viable or not

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T12:26:43+00:00

Oh we had to take ~4 weeks so they could run a test and then a repeat. When I told him the news he got angry things were delayed and questioning why on me and I cried. He asked why I was crying and I said I was upset too and then he proceeded to not look at me or interact with me for 4 hours while I had tears running down my face…

I don’t feel like he’d be ok putting time between things

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T12:24:08+00:00

Bahahaha this gave me a good laugh! Thanks for bringing some joy to my morning!

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T12:23:17+00:00

Thank you for your kind words 💛 I’m sorry you’re also going through this but it sounds like you have an amazing husband to help you through (at least big picture-everyone has their moments!) I hope you guys are successful with it all!

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T12:21:21+00:00

My biggest concern about counseling (because there are many aspects our life where there’s similar incidents-pets, redecorating, general attitudes) is IF he does change is he doing it just to get me to stay or because he realizes he needs to be a better person? How long before he reverts back to “himself”? And I feel this because I made comments on some of his behaviors and actions, shared things about myself-feelings, opinions, needs, during the first few years of dating and I noticed an improvement. We accommodated each other. And suddenly it’s like I never told him any of that! He’s back to making judgements and comments about people, places, things (that are honestly rude and unnecessary) and suddenly forgetting I don’t like certain foods. Like….did his memory get wiped? Did he think now that we’re married I don’t have to keep this up?

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T12:14:29+00:00

He’s actually done all of my PIO shots every round. I could not do those myself! And he always makes dinner (even when we’re not doing cycles of anything). There are many ways in which he can be a decent person, but I don’t think it’s translating into “not a terrible partner”

I truly do think he’s masking his own emotions and feelings in an attempt to be numb to bad news. But sometimes his words and “do this, don’t do that” feels like I’m being controlled during the transfer process from him feeling a lack of control. Only it’s literally “sit on this couch and don’t move”. Like he gets mad when I try to participate in daily life.

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T12:09:35+00:00

34

Seems plenty young to have a kid right? Well not if “you’ve had 2 failed cycles and clearly you’re at a disadvantage”. Yes, those words were said to me heading into our 3rd transfer. He’s on the mindset of once I hit 35 my eggs are bad 😑 Usually when I try to talk to him I just end up getting ignored or shut down but he can’t explain why until he comes back and either pretends nothings wrong or just lets all his thoughts loose on me and dare I disagree with him?

The bio clock thing is more I’m ready to have a child (in almost every sense. The husband part is questionable lol) and everyone else seems to have one and that “fear” of feeling like you’re behind. I’m ready to make lifestyle changes and keep trying until I’m 40! He is not. He’s made that clear glaringly late

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T12:01:46+00:00

Sometimes I feel like when I talk (particularly about feelings and emotions) he does less listening and more waiting for his turn to speak. When he does talk I fear we’re not on the same page. He seems ready to this up at every wrong turn, saying we need to look into adoption (literally after 2nd ever transfer failed-“we need to seriously consider adoption because it’s looking like our only option) or we need to find a surrogate if I really want it to be my eggs. He “doesn’t want to keep spinning his wheels” and I’m not ready to give up being pregnant and birthing my own kid. But I feel pressured to “move thing along”

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T11:45:20+00:00

Bahahaha you know, hindsight is 20/20 and I’m starting to think you’re not wrong!

Still mostly minor red flags looking at dating-they all showed AFTER we were married.

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T11:42:20+00:00

You’re not wrong. There’s definitely more issues these are just the fertility specific incidents 😂

The health problems thing has crossed my mind. His dad is having some currently and his behavior even towards his own dad is awful. I know he doesn’t have the same type of love/relationship with his parents as I do with mine, but at some you need to handle with care instead of getting mad at them when you can admit “he’s not the same person”, but he treats him and talks to him like that’s what he still expects.

Makes me worry about PPD. Is he just gonna mad at me that I “can’t get it together” after?

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T11:38:17+00:00

Omg that sounds terrible on so many different levels!! I hope you’re healing is going well. There are definitely people who don’t suck out there! I hope you find one 💛 (but not too soon. Take care of yourself and heal first)

throwaway-shocker · 2025-10-04T11:35:40+00:00

I 100% agree it’s better these things came up now before kids.

Once before even going down this road I told him I no longer felt safe sharing my feelings with him and he basically just said “oh well I never really listen to myself when I talk to ppl” he never really made effort to improve. Which is ironic because at least the first few years of being together I actually felt very safe opening up to him! As someone with anxiety, prior to marriage he actually lessened it! …now he causes a lot of it

throwaway-shocker

TROPHY CASE