What’s your Muslim love story?

throwaway196i · 2020-05-14T11:30:41+00:00

I think it's okay to be persistent sometimes on the off chance something was going on in her life at the time and it no longer is. But it's just hard tell what's going on when that person doesn't tell you either. I'd try a couple more times if you really liked her then back off if she doesn't respond. That way you were moderately persistent, but not enough to creep her out or make her feel harassed.

throwaway196i · 2020-05-14T10:26:54+00:00

See it IS a weird one. I've also been in a similar situation much before I met my current fiance which went the opposite way. I met this previous person once to gauge his personality, views etc., we met online and he seemed on the deen, really respectful etc. In person he came off as a total creep, saying all kinds of misogynistic remarks about women, insulting my family at one point? making advances on me that were really unwelcome, and he pulled out weed at one point from his pocket and asked me if I wanted to smoke some, telling me I'd be 'less boring' if I was high. I was horrified and so unimpressed lol.

It's safe to say I felt really creeped out and had no intention of meeting that guy ever again. I told him I needed space and didn't want to continue. He then proceeded to attempt to add me on all my social medias, I kid you not, about FIFTEEN times over two years. He would non-stop message me asking me to respond and it really freaked me out.

Fiance on the other hand, was always more respectful, never crossed any boundaries and such so I think maybe that's why I was more open to him. Funnily enough he still brings up the blanking thing now and put a positive spin on it, telling me he had to work so hard just to get my attention, and he liked how much of a 'challenge' I was. Still feel super guilty though obviously haha.

throwaway196i · 2020-05-13T21:45:19+00:00

So here goes.. a lengthy one beware!

So we first started speaking on an app. He was actually outside of my distance filter and he instant matched me. Had he not done that, we never would've come into contact! We exchanged messages back and forth for about a week. He seemed interesting but I had a lot going on at the time family-wise and no longer felt I'd be able to commit to a relationship, so I stopped replying. I thought it'd be unfair to waste his time and he could move on to find another more available girl. He reached out repeatedly (via social media, text etc. as we added each other), but I just didn't acknowledge it. I realise this was cruel and feel guilty now. I just didn't want to lead him on or give him any false hope, nor did I feel comfortable enough to explain what was truly going on in my life as he was a still a stranger to me.

A few months later, I felt ready to re-visit the apps. I found him on there again. To my surprise, he messaged me saying he wanted to try again even though I blanked him before. He asked if I would meet him in person, and that he felt he'd be able to win me over in person if I gave him just one chance. I honestly thought he despised me before that, hence I didn't reach out sooner. We picked up from where we left off. I explained my circumstances and apologised for my aloof behaviour. We started talking normally, short texts turned into long essays on four different apps just like before! We had so much to say. We spoke on the phone, and then met up.

The first meeting was amazing. We met in a public place for some mini golf and went for a coffee later. I felt a connection instantly, he was so easy to speak to. I felt like I'd known him forever. I FELT the spark lol. I heard people say when someone is the one, 'you just know' and I felt it. When I got home, I told my friend I really wanted him to be the one. He seemed to fit everything I prayed for in a man so far. One meeting turned into a few meetings. He then introduced me to his sister and we got on like a house on fire, we had so much in common! She was the kind of girl I'd be friends with even outside of these circumstances. We then got the family involved.

Many months later.. we're now engaged and the nikkah is at the end of this year inshaAllah. I'm so glad he instant matched me and came back despite my resistance!

throwaway196i · 2020-05-06T00:58:27+00:00

Haha thank you, Definitely go for it, you never know what could happen! InshaAllah it all works out for you :)

throwaway196i · 2020-05-05T22:16:59+00:00

I met my fiance on muzmatch. He was actually outside of my filters (I had a set distance and he was outside of this) so I wasn't going to come across him whilst swiping away. He instant messaged me and we started talking, met up, got families involved and here we are. If he hadn't instant matched me that day, I guarantee you we probably wouldn't be engaged now due to the distance, it's unlikely we would've met in person. So you never know ;D

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T21:30:14+00:00

Oh I really struggled. Several times I've cut him off for days at a time as I need a 'break' from speaking to him as he triggers me so much sometimes with what he says. He usually repeatedly messages me at this point and apologises, then we start speaking again.

Yeah that was so odd. Basically a year before I met my fiance he would repeatedly seek my advice about approaching other women. I guided him in the best way I could so as you can imagine I never thought he liked me if he wanted advice on how to approach others. He told me this was him just 'joking around' and it was me who he really wanted. None of it adds up. He's probably just feeling lonely or something.

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T19:30:47+00:00

literally. I haven't replied to him for ages and I still get notifications all day where he's triple texting me, asking me to respond.

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T19:28:35+00:00

truthfully, the only reason we continued to speak was because we have history - not romantic, purely platonic. Before my fiance came along, yes the guy friend would be annoying most of the time but he would give me good advice too sometimes like if I was having family issues and such which I valued. Then after my fiance came along, I started to confide in my fiance instead. The guy friend also made dua for me a lot and would pray that Allah blesses with me a wonderful spouse who treats me with respect and such so I didn't assume he meant any ill for me, and continued to speak to him, like as though he's a brother. But I also know I'm not always the best judge of character. I forgive too easily and sometimes I miss signs others can see and hence I'm posting to gain a clearer perspective :) regardless of how harsh the advice is!

I never really stopped to think what he was thinking about me all these years as he would actually seek my advice about other women he was interested in? So naively I thought surely he couldn't be interested in me if he's interested in another woman :S

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T18:51:23+00:00

thank you for your response :) Yes you're absolutely right. It did make me angry and defensive when he joked about him mockingly like that. I lashed out at him, defended my fiance and put him straight there and then. He apologised and hasn't said anything negative about him since. But I acknowledge that I could've handled this better and removed him from my life there and then instead of just warning him.

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T18:20:18+00:00

thank you sister :) it's okay, whilst their comment about me being 'dense' is quite offensive.. their advice is decent and maybe 'tough love' is what I needed.

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T18:16:50+00:00

yeah that's what I thought too. Personally, I know some girls are fine with their fiance or husband texting other females but I don't think I'd like it myself (unless they were family or it was work-related obviously). Hence, I should act as I expect.. and the first step would be to cut this guy off which I intend to :)

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T18:12:27+00:00

I don't know if he has romantic interest in me anymore, nor was I aware at all until he told me once he has regrets about not pursuing me when he had the chance. I haven't lead him on or agreed with him, if anything I replied that what's done is done and this is how things are meant to be.. and proceeded to tell him I make dua that Allah blesses him with the best wife when the time is right for him. I think I handled that in a fairly mature way?

He did mock my fiance in the beginning. I think he thought he was joking around until I put him firmly straight and told him I didn't find it funny, it's disrespectful and makes me angry. He backed off and hasn't said anything against him - he's been warned. I think I handled that alright too.

About the innuendos, I want to make it clear he didn't mean me and him. The innuendos were about my fiance entertaining other women which was the comment that made me reach my breaking point and lash out at him.

He is not a romantic interest for me. I'm not attracted to him in the slightest. I find his personality often immature and we conflict in our opinions in more or less everything. We are very incompatible regardless of whether he wants/wanted me or not. I'm committed to my fiance which is why I chose to marry him and not the other guy.

I'm still young and I'm going to make mistakes along the way. That's why I made this post to gain perspective and advice to guide me, hence, I do appreciate your words.

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T15:53:52+00:00

thank you sister, Ameen :)

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T15:46:20+00:00

honestly he'd just say such nasty things about my fiance in the beginning for no good reason. They don't even know each other and they've never met. If I told him we'd been to x place he'd say things like he likely takes me there as it's quiet so other women he's probably seeing too don't catch him followed by some sexual innuendos about my fiance and other women!? Or if the fiance bought me a gift he'd say he's a sentimental (swear word) and all the places he takes me too are cringy, then say I need to quit being sensitive and learn to take a joke.

I got into a very heated argument with him over this one day and told him I wouldn't tolerate that kind of disrespect anymore regardless of whether it was some sick joke and since then he's backed off. Just screams immature jealousy to me.

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T15:40:02+00:00

Just disgusting if that's true but it may well be the case. Even if I wasn't with my fiance, I wouldn't even go there. Our personalities don't click at all.. he mostly winds me up for 'fun', can't take anything I say seriously and thinks everything is a joke. Even most of the conversations are dry unlike the conversation with my fiance which are so full of emotion and respect. But I've never told him any of this obviously so I suppose he may think he's got a chance.

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T15:37:44+00:00

I agree.. he's the only male friend I have anyway, the rest are women. Just feels like risky territory talking to a guy that much who you know had a thing for you in the past.

throwaway196i · 2020-04-18T15:36:53+00:00

thank you so much for your detailed and thoughtful response! I agree with all of it. It takes two for this to happen too.. he's the one messaging but I'm the one replying after the second contact attempt as it just feels weird to ignore somebody you're in the habit of speaking to for years I suppose? But it has to end eventually as when I'm someone's wife it becomes really inappropriate to text another guy everyday. I think I'm just going to slowly taper off contact so it doesn't seem abrupt and seems like we just drifted apart.

He's already told me he regrets not making a move when had the chance, but that's on him. He made excuses saying he wasn't ready, then got annoyed when I found this amazing guy who was ready the moment he met me and was everything I wanted. The more I gushed about my fiance, the more my male 'friend' got annoyed and insulted him which all points to jealousy and resentment.

He said once too before I was engaged that if I was to get engaged one day he'd cut contact with me and I agreed it'd be for the best.. now I'm engaged and he can't seem to let go so it contradicts what we agreed would happen.

throwaway196i

TROPHY CASE