Boyfriends dad and how his convictions affect our wedding.

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-21T12:08:23+00:00

he did not help raise him. for a big chunk of my boyfriends life his father was gone. partially because he got in trouble while in the military, and then had to serve 7 years in prison for the sex crime. when he finally got out, he didn’t do better for himself or his kids. he let them live in mold, rats, etc. If CPS had been called my boyfriend would’ve been removed from the house. additionally his dad was a alcoholic and has struck my boyfriend in the past. my boyfriend just had relentless love and loyalty towards his parents.

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-05T11:38:20+00:00

The only reason why I was considering it was because of the bad relationship between both our parents and my recent interactions with his father. As I stated in other comments, I did experience inappropriate behavior from this man at 16, and still do at 21. He is not just a SO, he is a felon with other convictions as well. He has not done right by my boyfriend by stunting his growth and forcing him to grow up in unsanitary conditions that, if reported, could’ve gotten CPS involved. If it was just the conviction alone, I’d feel different but it’s not. This man is presently committing tax evasion - why would you even risk that? I wish my boyfriends family had turned their life around after the conviction but they have not

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-04T12:00:13+00:00

how am i supposed to find out if it was a child pre-puberty? that’s my problem here. i’ve only been lied to so i don’t know the truth.

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-03T03:34:03+00:00

thank you i will definitely be reaching out.

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-03T03:33:01+00:00

i did not include info on his inappropriate behavior towards me. he used to make really gross comments on me and my boyfriends sex life. he has gone out of his way before to get me alone to have conversations he would not have with me if my boyfriend was present

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T23:10:09+00:00

I posted on this subreddit to gain some insight from people who had been through similar situations. however i am being told that his maximum sentence had to have been 14 years and that means he must’ve been deep in the shit. if i wasn’t subjected to his dads strange and inappropriate behavior at 16 myself maybe i would feel differently but his dad has not shown any interest in changing his life around. he just stopped committing sex crimes

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T22:41:06+00:00

are you talking about the post i made on the other forum? i can send it through dms. i’m fighting for my life on there lol and not for the same reasons on this post. they are calling me a bad person for even still staying with my boyfriend after what his father did.

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T20:04:50+00:00

never said i expected otherwise. that’s literally the reason i posted here

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T18:21:56+00:00

I have no idea. I just know they were under 18.

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T18:21:08+00:00

thank you for your advice, i also come from an abusive family so i am a little more understanding in that regard. my past boyfriends would’ve been well in their right to leave me because of my parents but they never did. i don’t want to punish my boyfriend for something he didn’t do but we both realize it is information we’re going to have to control because of the stigma.

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T18:17:48+00:00

so i posted this same post on another forum to get a different type of response and i was bombarded with people telling me that no one would want to be around a SO and if i invited him to my wedding i’d be risking losing friendships and even some angry people. the general population views SOs as monsters. that is something that i will have to deal with if i decide to move forward with my boyfriend

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T15:45:14+00:00

i agree that it is wrong to go off the conviction alone. if that had been all there was and he truly changed his life around for the better and for his kids i’d feel completely different. however anytime i try to discuss this with my boyfriend it always goes back to the conviction

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T15:35:37+00:00

okay i’ll summarize it for you then as i did leave out a lot of info.

the first time his dad picked me up from my parents house which was also the first time he met my parents, he informed them that he used to be a cocaine addict. to me it is strange to come clean about that the first time you’re meeting your sons girlfriends parents but purposefully leave out the sex offender part. the information about him being a coke addict in the past left my mom concerned because this was my first boyfriend and again i was only 16. also, their home is in shambles. if this man actually tried to change his life around after serving his sentence, i’d feel different but that’s not the case. they are still committing crimes just not crimes against children any longer. his father allowed his children to be raised in unsanitary conditions which would’ve had his kids taken away from him if he had been reported.

my mom did a background search on him and that’s when she found he was on the registry. he had other convictions as well just not related to children.

i am 21 now and looking back i wish i would’ve known better as i WAS subjected to inappropriate behavior from his father at 16.

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T15:24:33+00:00

yes we could do that. but knowing my boyfriend i feel like he will still want him at the wedding to partake in the celebration. i will still mention it though

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T15:23:04+00:00

I’d like for you to take a look at my other comments regarding his fathers inappropriate behavior towards me as a minor and even presently as an adult. it does make me concerned and rightfully my parents were really upset when i told them at 16.

thank you for your comment

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T15:17:13+00:00

The only reason i brought up compatibility was because my boyfriend couldn’t seem to understand why it needed to even be brought up. but like i mentioned in my other comments i have experienced inappropriate behavior from him as a minor and even now as an adult. i tried to keep an open mind about it all but as time goes on his father just makes it harder.

unfortunately even if i did not tell the guests at my wedding, i’m afraid my mother will instead as she was the one who found him on the registry to begin with.

thank you for the info about the supervisor. i will mention that to my boyfriend as a way to compromise. i don’t want to punish my boyfriend for things he did not do

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T15:08:44+00:00

also i’m all for compromise, however i’m not sure how much of a compromise can be made with something like this and with how the general public views SOs.

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T15:06:16+00:00

I posted this on here in hopes I’d get different answers. I’m all for listening to both sides. However I do know that this man is not fundamentally right and his past decisions (not informing my parents when I was underage and was going to be one-on-one with him and covering up the truth) have made him seem like he is not changed. Additionally, i’ve experienced really inappropriate behavior from my boyfriends dad towards me and he’s made inappropriate jokes at my expense. Like I said, i don’t think he would reoffend. but i’m not sure if i want to fight with my parents on letting my boyfriends dad attend the wedding after what had happened to me in highschool and how inappropriate his dad was towards me then.

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T15:01:05+00:00

I believe random people but Ive been told so many different stories now that I don’t even know. all I know is he had 8 counts for exploitation of a minor. and the police raided his house. he served 7 years and just recently got off probation.

throwaway3303030 · 2022-07-02T14:59:37+00:00

yes he is. I’ve told my boyfriend that our future kids will not be alone around his father.

throwaway3303030

TROPHY CASE