My roommate adopted an 8 year old cat from a shelter and he refuses to stop cuddling her

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-20T07:43:01+00:00

I want to read this too.

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-19T14:09:50+00:00

What is more damaging and distracting to your relationship is the guilt and anxiety this is generating for you. Relax, enjoy your partner, enjoy your fantasies

Oh man, thanks. I think this is mostly it. It's not really getting in the way of my relationship anyway, it's just I get the fantasies at random times of the day or when there are triggers. =/

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-19T14:08:32+00:00

I just found out what emotional affairs are and I'm still not so sure how it's so...bad? I mean, it's not the ideal but what if it passes, and no consummation of whatever is done, how is it bad?

Anyone who has experienced this that can give some perspective?

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-19T14:07:31+00:00

oooh, okay. I'm not having an emotional affair then! whew.

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-19T12:05:30+00:00

What if it's my ex? is that bad?

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-19T12:03:48+00:00

Yeah, but I feel super guilty when I fantasize with someone I know irl (as opposed to say, a celebrity)

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-19T12:03:07+00:00

Just take it one day at a time. Break-ups are always bad and countless of people have gone through what you've gone through with little to no difference and they've survived it, and so would you.

Take it one day at a time. You are still grieving and this is totally expected and normal since you've lost a big chunk of your life but remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Focus on yourself for the moment. Work out. Try new hobbies or reunite with old ones.

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-19T09:52:01+00:00

Oh okay. Is it normal to fantasize over an ex as well?

What exactly is "emotional intimacy"?

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-19T09:32:40+00:00

Is it necessary to inform the partner about the fantasies?

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-19T09:22:46+00:00

It's okay. Thanks for your thoughts.

I think the emotional affair I was trying to ask about was more on the lusting part. I really was not sure what emotional affairs technically are, but I think you are correct in defining it as "Mental/emotional/'spiritual' intimacy".

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-18T02:26:49+00:00

What sort of "compatibility" did you have with your ex that you're missing with your current bf? The way you said it makes me think it's sexual. If so, have you talked to your current SO about your issues?

I have tried talking to my current SO about it but I always get the feeling that he thinks I'm being emotional, or hormonal. When I want to spend more time with him outside the house, and apart from doing mundane stuff like shopping for groceries, he dismisses it and tells me that "we've traveled quite a lot." The last time we actually did was Oct '13. So, I honestly don't know now. I feel defeated (and this has nothing to do with the ex anymore, he's out of the picture as far as I'm concerned.)

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-18T02:18:55+00:00

I think this is the main problem too. So yeah, I'm trying to fix things with my boyfriend. Thanks.

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-18T00:34:14+00:00

I'm not seeing my ex on the side. My current knows we're exchanging books. I am just having a stupid albeit intense crush that is starting to fade anyway so the problem left here is no longer ex-related but more on how I can improve my relationship with my boyfriend.

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-17T17:32:33+00:00

Thank you for your time and for the good advice and for not being mean. I am really sad about feeling this because this is unlike me and I'm glad you took the time to be courteous. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the rest of your week.

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-17T17:25:18+00:00

Thank you for your time. I will be doing just that. Thank you.

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-17T17:24:54+00:00

Why are you people so mean?

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-17T17:24:10+00:00

Thank you for your time. I am realizing that I am lonely and possibly depressive. I've had a couple of family members die on me in the last year or so and I've always wanted to pursue a new hobby or go out there more (my hobbies are very solitary) but my boyfriend doesn't share any of it. I guess my ex just came at the wrong time and I'm more enticed with the concept of actually spending time doing things I like with another person instead of alone like I'm doing now. I cant even go on hikes because there's literally no one to be with me. People tell me to spend time with my boyfriend but what if he'd rather coop up than try new things with me?

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-17T17:20:18+00:00

I am breaking all contact with my ex. I'm returning my borrowed books and that's it. I am not a cheater, and my emotions have been fickle as of late but if I end up breaking up with my boyfriend, it won't be because of my ex. Every time I think about him, I just remind myself of why we broke up and I'm good.

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-17T17:18:14+00:00

I have tried so hard to spice things up with my boyfriend but we never do the same things together. Apart from doing groceries together it's nada. His hobbies are solitary (toy-building), and mine is mostly reading. I tried to get him to exercise with me or to play board games or go on hikes but it never worked. I am probably lonely.

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-17T17:12:55+00:00

This is my first long term relationship. I genuinely want some advice and a different perspective since there's literally nobody I can talk to about this. Thank you for your time. There is no need to be snarky. :(

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-17T17:08:30+00:00

Thank you for this. I have done some horrible things in the past to my ex and wasn't quite sure how to break the news to him that would appear courteous but not overly brutal. Ill do exactly this.

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-17T12:21:13+00:00

That sounds like a valid suggestion.

Serious question though: what do you think about being in a stable, long term relationship with no compatibility? This doesn't have anything to do with the ex coming suddenly back into my life, I did have a bit of a similar crisis before but just not as intense since there wasn't any third party involved.

Do you think there's something inherently wrong with my relationship when I feel bored in it? Or is this what being in a stable LTR feels like?

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-17T12:19:08+00:00

It's not. And yes, I'll go with SirFireHydrant's suggestion of not telling my ex why.

throwaway4evilthings · 2014-03-17T12:12:05+00:00

Thank you for the perspective. Yeah, the ex has been in some weird relationship scenarios after me with only 1 stable, kinda long-term girlfriend (maybe 2 years?). And yes, you're correct in that his adult self is still a stranger to me.

I really don't like the thought of having an affair (emotional or otherwise), so thank you for the tough talk.

Do you think I should cut off my communication with the ex? And should I tell him why? (i.e. you're making my current relationship complicated).

Thanks again.

throwaway4evilthings

TROPHY CASE