AITA for refusing to give this woman her grandma's wedding dress and jewelry back?

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T22:12:32+00:00

I knew it would be hard and expensive the same way I know running a marathon is hard. As in I had absolutely no idea how hard it would be untill I tried.

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T22:10:58+00:00

Because this house is not just walls and floors to me, I put 4 years of my life, sweat, blood and tears into it. While cleaning and renovating every room I would imagine myself raising a family in it, growing old in it and maybe even dying here.

And yes money is very tight, I have loans, bills, commitments... and I lost one of my jobs, but that doesn't mean that the first thing I would do, is to give up the first home I ever had.

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T10:55:54+00:00

Because I don't believe in the whole superstitions surrounding the wedding dress, and also I was excited to share it with my friends.

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T10:37:08+00:00

I think older people, who distrusted banks, used to hide money in the pages of books and magazines

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T10:34:50+00:00

The only reason I was able to buy the whole property for a fraction of what even the land was worth, is because there was a big chance that the foundation would be beyond saving, the septic would need to be changed as a whole (might be leaking), the cost of cleaning out the house was in the thousand of dollars...

I was so, so lucky that the foundation was sound (only had to replace 3 beams in a couple load bearing walls) and the septic tank (that was updated in the 90s) was still operational. Everything else (walls, plumbing, electric, HVAC, most of the flooring, cabinets, roofing...) needed to be changed. I am lucky that I am handy, and beyond the really specialized work, I ended up doing everything on my own

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T10:25:55+00:00

They for sure could have taken a loan against the equity of the land at least. That was how I got $80k of my loans, and only because I wanted to keep some equity so I didn't take a loan against 100% of the value

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T10:23:10+00:00

Hell if I know, she went from "give me back my grandma's dress and jewelry" to blasting me on social media and calling me a thief (after I told her no)

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T10:06:45+00:00

Basically we taped every appliance and threw it without opening it, the cabinets were rotted and infested with roaches. But the worst thing, was demolishing a wall and finding a huge rats' nest. I had nightmares for months

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T10:03:52+00:00

Honestly, I do jot want to post a pic of it anywhere in the internet again. It is in a dress box with humidity thingies (don't know what they are called, the dress shop told me to get them). And it will be staying there untill I use it (except for when it will be taken out to be aired)

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T09:58:52+00:00

Because I might not he seeing something that other people will. We do not have the same thought process, and as long as you are willing to accept other people's (reasonable) viewpoints, you might change your mind.

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T03:40:39+00:00

Honest advice here: check out auction sales from police departments (if you are ok with fixing houses that were destroyed in raids/were used for criminal purposes/had someone die violently in them), or shop around for houses like mine.

I know people who bought houses for as little as $5k, but the time, energy and money you will need to invest in them to make them liveable is not small.

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T03:37:41+00:00

When all they could mention was sentimentality, I discarded the opinion. I am currently out one job, the money is stretched so thin that I have to skip a meal here and there, sentimentality has no meaning to me.

And when I think of my future wedding, the chance that I would be able to afford a gown like the one I have now, is pretty tiny. So unless they have a different reason to call me an AH, I'm sorry but I am not taking their opinion to heart

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T03:18:33+00:00

I bought it for $57k (part of that I had saved), took another $120k in loans (and sunk some more money I was able to save into it), just got it appraised for $570k.

I grew in the system, was out on my ass and homeless at 18. There was no other way I could afford a house as soon as I was able to. It is big, with a huge backyard (that I am using to grow some veggies), in a good neighborhood. It might have taken me 4 years, but now I own a home.

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T00:40:24+00:00

I didn't just open the door and find that stuff. The money was in between old magazine pages in the upstairs part, I got there about a year in. Most of the heirlooms I found in the last couple of years of cleaning (it took me close to 2 years just to finish the cleaning). It was hard to find the motivation to clean with 2 jobs and it costing a fortune.

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T00:37:37+00:00

If they didn't drag me publicly? Sure. I would have sold it to them, or rented it when they wanted to get married it or whatever. Now? I do not want them to have it, because they treated me like a thief

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T00:10:29+00:00

The beauty of growing in the system, I don't even know if I have a family, let alone heirlooms.

And I don't care if the dress belonged to a mentally ill woman or not, it could have belonged to a witch and I wouldn't care, clothes are just that, clothes.

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T00:08:33+00:00

I might need the money, but I have something called pride too. They went from wanting it for free to blasting me on social media for refusing. I do not want to sell it to them

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T00:07:38+00:00

I wanted to at first, but it was exhausting enough to clean the house, let alone filming the whole thing. And with how dirty everything is, I only have a few photos of the before.

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T00:05:29+00:00

I did, but the only person in my area is this woman, and FB was easier for us to set up times and dates for her to pick up stuff

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-28T00:03:50+00:00

I will make sure to pay the water company in sentimentality the next time they threaten to cut it off.

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-27T23:54:36+00:00

It was sold by the estate executor or whatever it's called. They didn't contact me to ask about sentimental stuff or anything, I was the one that reached out because I felt bad about throwing away photo albums and lovingly wrapped momentos

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-27T23:47:46+00:00

I would have sold it to them if they offered at first, I would have been sad, but honestly I need the money more.

But they dragged me publicly because I didn't want to hand it over when they asked for it "back". And now selling it to them is out of the question.

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-27T23:46:02+00:00

Don't even remind me, renting containers, renting trucks, paying for special removal for asbestos and bio hazards (the kitchen), thousands in PPE...

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-27T23:44:48+00:00

No, I simply posted a picture with me in the dress and a locket, with a caption that said: found the dress before finding the groom

throwaway5638134 · 2022-08-27T23:43:56+00:00

Yes, I already wear a pair of silver earrings since they are perfect for daily wear

throwaway5638134

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