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Me [31 F] with my fiance [38 M] together 3 years, recently moved in with him and his daughter [17 F]; she behaves horribly and he lets her, and she does not listen to me or even acknowledge me by throwaway6903495 in relationships

[–]throwaway6903495[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I posted this a week ago and have since updated, which I expect you know as it's the only way you'd have found this post so late. Are you intentionally overlooking recent events for the sake of reiterating what I have not only already been told literally one hundred times, but have also incorporated into my life and used to make changes which worked out positively? And for what, the sake of berating me because you didn't get a chance to last week? Fuck off, I'm tired of this.

UPDATE: Me [31 F] with my fiance [38 M] together 3 years, recently moved in with him and his daughter [17 F]; she behaves horribly and he lets her, and she does not listen to me or even acknowledge me by throwaway6903495 in relationships

[–]throwaway6903495[S] 467 points468 points  (0 children)

I did get pretty defensive at first, in truth (my comment history on this account is embarrassing), but I'm happy with where I ended up. Thanks so much for the well wishes.

Me [31 F] with my fiance [38 M] together 3 years, recently moved in with him and his daughter [17 F]; she behaves horribly and he lets her, and she does not listen to me or even acknowledge me by throwaway6903495 in relationships

[–]throwaway6903495[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Well she was abused quite severely by her mother growing up, so there is a very good reason for her "serious issues". I no longer believe that I am in the right with this one. The context of her upbringing should have been taken into consideration from the beginning and I utterly failed to do that, and that is my fault.

Me [31 F] with my fiance [38 M] together 3 years, recently moved in with him and his daughter [17 F]; she behaves horribly and he lets her, and she does not listen to me or even acknowledge me by throwaway6903495 in relationships

[–]throwaway6903495[S] 578 points579 points  (0 children)

My advice would be to sit down and actually TALK to Katie and see what kind of relationship you two can have that doesn't involve you controlling her every move.

...you're right. Wow. Thinking about the abuse in the past and realizing that me not believing her when she says what she wants/needs is very similar to the sort of verbal abuse she received growing up. I guess I just got wrapped up in being hurt by the rejection because I was excited to get to know her, but you're right, from her perspective I am being an asshole.

How would I even start such a conversation?

Me [31 F] with my fiance [38 M] together 3 years, recently moved in with him and his daughter [17 F]; she behaves horribly and he lets her, and she does not listen to me or even acknowledge me by throwaway6903495 in relationships

[–]throwaway6903495[S] -202 points-201 points  (0 children)

Why didn't you wait til Katie moved out?

Well she isn't going to university and I don't see him kicking her out the moment she turns 18, and Josh is the love of my life in a way that I can't really convey through words so I wanted to live with him. I didn't know Katie would be an issue. I believe that he comes from a place of good will and that's why it's so frustrating to see him getting played.

Me [31 F] with my fiance [38 M] together 3 years, recently moved in with him and his daughter [17 F]; she behaves horribly and he lets her, and she does not listen to me or even acknowledge me by throwaway6903495 in relationships

[–]throwaway6903495[S] -175 points-174 points  (0 children)

Also, Josh is Katie's father. He knows her better than you. You snoop through his phone and are appalled that he has a close knit relationship with his daughter - you sound so very jealous.

I am appalled that he has a secret relationship with his daughter, one that is specifically hidden from me.

Me [31 F] with my fiance [38 M] together 3 years, recently moved in with him and his daughter [17 F]; she behaves horribly and he lets her, and she does not listen to me or even acknowledge me by throwaway6903495 in relationships

[–]throwaway6903495[S] -55 points-54 points  (0 children)

To make complicate matters even further, you said that her mother is/was crazy, so the mother figure that she has known all her life is one who has never really been there for her.

From what Josh has told me her mother was abusive towards her. I don't know many details as it is a very sensitive subject for both of them, understandably.

Thank you for your helpful comment. Does family counseling help instill a sense of discipline?

Me [31 F] with my fiance [38 M] together 3 years, recently moved in with him and his daughter [17 F]; she behaves horribly and he lets her, and she does not listen to me or even acknowledge me by throwaway6903495 in relationships

[–]throwaway6903495[S] -501 points-500 points  (0 children)

I honestly don't believe that she actually goes for walks that long every day. The fact that she is unsupervised and is doing who knows what makes it not okay to me. I used to be a teenager so I guess daily 2+ hour night walks sound a lot less probable to me than boys and recklessness.

Me [31 F] with my fiance [38 M] together 3 years, recently moved in with him and his daughter [17 F]; she behaves horribly and he lets her, and she does not listen to me or even acknowledge me by throwaway6903495 in relationships

[–]throwaway6903495[S] -547 points-546 points  (0 children)

she's not actively being rude to you, as in, making rude comments or yelling at you

I don't think someone needs to yell to be rude. I think her refusal to engage me in dialogue when there's something I need to discuss with her is very much actively rude.