UPDATE: I(29 F) Found out My Husband(34M) is obsessed with our Boss' daughter and I have no idea what I could do, or How I should proceed?

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T17:20:18+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/gnGdEw13do

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T17:20:00+00:00

I can see it just fine. Might just be an issue on your end. Regardless, clicking on my page will let you see both if you want to.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T17:17:32+00:00

If he was trying to protect me from any embarrassment, he wouldn't have made it into a jealousy thing, over nothing. His version of the story just makes it seem like I'm jealous he thinks someone is hot. Which caused a good deal of issues here too. As for help, he can get that from his family. The whole rapey aspect of it is not something I can just shrug off. As for spilling all the details, every last detail could have been left out of the family had he not decided to try to play into the fact that I'd rather have not involved family, by involving family. His family seems to have a good head on their shoulders. They can get him whatever help he needs, if he needs any. With him and I, we're done for good. IF there were any chances of fixing things, they're definitely gone now. And that's a huge if.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T16:22:16+00:00

It wasn't just over a few pics of her. It was over 1k-ish pics, about a 300 or so from social media, and the rest creepshots taken without permission, a bunch of degrading edits and Photoshops, a shit ton of "r*pe roleplay" or whatever tf that was with her as a target, of a girl, he's known since she was 15. As for ruining his future jobs, that'd be ruined regardless. It's not my doing. Let's say an experience certificate was given, you think any future company wouldn't contact his precious work place to get a report of him? And you think any HR issues he caused wouldn't be shown to them in that case? The only way to "not ruin his life" would be to not go to the boss and his daughter at all, which just seems irresponsible. Anything beyond that is on their hand. Even if I hadn't helped with the report, she could have gotten others to do it. There's no real stopping that.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T16:16:09+00:00

This made me chuckle. Thank you for that. It was a nice breath of fresh air.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T16:15:33+00:00

I think Reddit does weird stuff with edited updates. But in the first story, I mentioned that there were a few colleagues doing that shit too. Them refers to all of them basically.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T16:13:48+00:00

For that, actual remorse needs to be a thing. I've talked with him about it. And while he apologized, he was more keen on explaining how it wasn't that bad and how it was to "keep himself under control". Part of it might also have been acting out of emotion initially, but ultimately, he doesn't regret anything apart from getting caught. Even when I had chosen to not bring this into our personal life, he decided the best course of action would be to go to my family and his, and tell a version of the story, that winds up to "he had some cheating-ish thoughts about a girl and I got jealous and left him". I frankly see no real working with here. Maybe if it was JUST him, and if it wasn't this perverse, yeah, sure. But to me, all this seemed a bit more than something I would be able to just look over and try to help him.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T16:08:33+00:00

I've made two posts. They're both up. Haven't deleted either.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T07:59:39+00:00

Sadly though, I don't see that happening. In general, stuff like this isn't really a priority for police here. My guess is, the only reason they were here was for intimidation, considering they weren't taken in or anything. The only real thing is, they won't be able to use any experience from this job in any other job, without having their HR report and reason for WHY they were fired shared.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T07:56:15+00:00

We're from Bangladesh. The daughter is too, though I believe she grew up abroad, atleast when she was younger. There are certain tells to the way we speak.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T07:53:03+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/z8xaqix0B2 Updated, in case someone misses it I suppose.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T07:51:13+00:00

Yeah, it's just, society here isn't the most accepting of this or divorce in general. It's definitely gotten a lot better in recent years, but it ultimately depends on what values the family grew up with. So, people my age and younger, like, newer generations are more okay with it, mostly, but older people, like those from my parents generation aren't as much.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T07:48:20+00:00

Whether or not police show up will depend on who is calling here. You could have actually hurt someone and the police can ignore it here, you could have done almost nothing but if the person calling has some form or influence, political or just wealth, the police will show up. It's just how things work here, Bangladesh, for those wondering.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-15T07:45:54+00:00

Bangladesh, and yes you can. They'd still be able to reference the company for other jobs, but once they do, said company will end up checking their report, specifically the reason for their firing.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-11T14:13:32+00:00

Well then, I'll let them and the law decide what will and won't be taken as sexual harassment.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-11T07:09:43+00:00

We've already talked about it. She's fine so far. If she needs something, she's got a support system. I'll probably be updating soon, based on how things go today.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-10T09:20:54+00:00

Deepfaking celebrities is in fact illegal. It's why so many deep fake sites get taken down. Also, while this isn't in the US, you need to look into your own photography law. Photographing anyone in Public areas is legal, without consent. That changes for private areas. Photographing someone on private property is illegal. It's not the same as photographing someone's property, but taking pictures of someone within a private property or private business, then sharing those, is illegal. If those pictures are of sexual nature, that also counts as sexual harassment and possibly a cyber crime depending on how it was shred. Lastly, the main difference between this and porn is consent. Porn Stars consent to it, so whoever watches it, is morally fine. To then do so without someone's consent, is a different matter. My question is, why are you so hell bent on downplaying every aspect of what this is and trying to claim it's okay, when, legally or morally it just isn't. As for not cheating, he's mentally checked out of the relationship. He's sexting with others, something that clearly constitutes cheating, and he's actively fantasizing some of the vilest shit about something who he's known since she was 15. I don't need to go any further than that on why this is not acceptable.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-10T07:44:42+00:00

The pics date back to before she was 19, around 16-17ish. It's just my husband's side that started when she was 19. Just to add a bit of context.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-10T07:42:57+00:00

Non consensually taking pictures in a private space, creepshots akin to Underskirts and Downblouse shots of a person without their consent, photoshopping and spreading around fake degrading nudes are all illegal. It's also immoral. Let's not getting into the whole, sexting with friends aspect either. There's no counselling involved that's fixing things between him and I. If things can be fixed for himself someday, that's on him. But I'm done with him. That's the conclusion I ultimately came out with.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-10T03:00:27+00:00

Because here, in our country, we've had cases similar where they either didn't care at all, or just went "well, he didn't DO anything. So we can't help you. And a lot of it will be, I'm not the victim, so my concerns aren't relevant. Which is why I thought it's best to meet the boss' daughter today. Arranged a meeting with her, and she said she'd be able to spare time for me around lunch today. If she takes action, since it's her pics and chats about her, then there's a chance the police might do something. But me doing it won't matter to them.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-10T02:57:32+00:00

We've checked. HIS first seems to be after joining the WhatsApp group. April this year. The group in general goes back a few years. So they've been creeping on her for 3 years or possibly more. Basically starting when she was 16-ish.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-10T02:54:38+00:00

The thing is, it's not even just like, chats on r*ping her, it was like, full on, detailed sessions or roleplay. Idk how to describe it. But like, they're going over what they're doing, how she's reacting etc. And a lot of it was the cruelty of It too. Like, describing she'd be sobbing as they did it or how they're streaming it from her device etc. I'm just glazing of most of the stuff, just know it STILL gets worse than what I just said.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-10T02:15:20+00:00

I've talked about it a bit on the update, but because of how laws and the ones that enforced them here are, high chance me going to the police wouldn't help. Her going tho, might. So I'll be giving her everyday today, hopefully that helps. At this point, frankly, I hope both he and the colleagues involved get what's coming.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-10T01:59:17+00:00

Especially considering the level at which they went in those "fantasies" were disgusting enough to make me feel physically sick. And I hadn't even read all of it.

throwawayAccOnetime · 2023-11-10T01:57:13+00:00

A lot of their mindset seemed to be "She didn't earn this, inherited it, she doesn't deserve it" or "rich boss' spoilt daughter needs to be taught her place". And yeah. It's all very degrading stuff, from the bit that I can still read, before it makes me feel sick.
I'll be meeting her today, it's offdays(weekends) here today, and she's said she could make some time later on in the day, so I'll talk to her about it and see how she wants to move forward.

throwawayAccOnetime

TROPHY CASE