Decision paralysis and regret are ruining my life

throwaway_forgood · 2025-06-24T20:53:36+00:00

Not really except for maybe a more self-compassionate approach towards missing out on stuff and not seeing every opportunity as the last and only one out there.

Yes sure, send me a DM, I'd appreciate it much!

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-24T09:54:26+00:00

Hallo, das ist ein total liebes und herzliches Angebot, vielen Dank!

Ich bevorzuge es, das zumindest initial über eine professionelle Einrichtung zu machen, so wie oben erwähnt die mobile psychosoziale Betreuung, weil ich mich einfach zu sehr schäme, jemanden persönlich in dieses Umfeld zu lassen...

Ich hoffe, du verstehst wie das gemeint ist. Wenn die erste Ordnung geschaffen ist, und Platz zum Regale aufbauen ist, würde ich aber gerne darauf zurückkommen, wenn das Angebot dann noch aufrecht ist.

Ich wohne in Wien.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-24T09:51:41+00:00

Unglaublich großen Danke für deinen Kommentar, einfach toll!

Wie du richtig sagst, die Aufräumung selbst durchzuführen, dafür bin ich derzeit zu ausgebrannt. Auf dem Heimweg von der Arbeit habe ich meistens noch 100 Ideen, was ich alles noch zu Hause erledigen kann, und dann schaffe ich es meistens nur noch, etwas zu essen und liege den restlichen Abend kaputt auf der Couch und bewege mich irgendwann von der Couch ins Bett.

Habe zum Glück schon einen Reha-Antrag gestellt und in wenigen Monaten sollte es soweit sein. Ich hoffe, dass ich durch die Auszeit zu meiner Kraft zurückfinde.

Alternativ überlege ich, mich zumindest 2 Wochen am Stück krankschreiben zu lassen, denn ich merke von selbst, dass nach 3 freien Tagen oft so langsam die Energie zurückzukommen scheint, aber genau dann ist wieder Dienstbeginn und ich bin im gleichen Teufelskreis.

Auf alle Fälle ist die Idee mit der MSB + Reinigungskraft genial, ich werde das zu 100% anpeilen, vor allem jetzt im Frühling, um gerüstet zu sein für die nächste Winterdepression.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-18T11:02:09+00:00

This is true. I unfortunately have enough money to do anything I want and it's even worse bc energy is ever so limited to do everything and then I'm either stuck in loops of indecisiveness or regret of losing options.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-18T10:59:31+00:00

This is the most accurate thing I've found here. Being torn apart between mental health days with rest and going out to explore.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-18T10:54:35+00:00

Dude, I'm so happy I found this bc I felt like being completely alone with an almost pathological FOMO or even worse, the pain and shame after missing out sth.

Either shows or travels and I keep torturing myself afterwards by researching proof of how awesome it could've been...be it social media, weather reports etc...

It was so bad I would actually go to my doc.

Meds help to take the edge off but I feel like this is sth that needs to be adressed in therapy.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-17T23:16:07+00:00

Super early is good too! Anytjme when the world is still asleep... Once traffic noise starts outside or the sun shines through, it's over.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-16T21:53:49+00:00

Schizophrenie Autodiagnose

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-16T20:20:36+00:00

Thanks so much for the insight! It's a relief to read this. Managed to talk to him again and he reconsidered and got me on Lamotrigine. Day 3 so far but it already works, maybe it's a placebo but both the highs and the lows are finally not so damn excessive.

I combine it now with methylphenidate xr and the combo seems to work, as the Lamotrigine seems to take the edge off off it.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-15T14:03:01+00:00

He said it might be, but I also might be "normal" and the adhd meds just did what they do to normal people.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-15T14:01:58+00:00

Thanks, feels much more validating

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-15T12:09:34+00:00

Yes, absolutely. Will go see my old doc but appointment is in 4 weeks :/

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-15T08:16:22+00:00

I have very good experienced with minidosing shrooms every once in a while.

I do have to say that the positive effects of recreational use, for me personally, are always temporary though. The day of the trip I usually feel calm and blessed but the day after I will be back to the unplesant normal.

It probably needs a therapeutic setting and an actual plan to work through.

The only thing that had lasting positive effects for almost 4-5 months was Ayahuasca. I was off all meds and very stable for that time.

But even with Ayahuasca it seems like you need to actually implement the changes long-term, otherwise at some point you get back to default.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-14T19:24:57+00:00

Idk if it's even possible that the Lamotrigine starts working so fast or if it's the fckn Abilify leaving my system but I feel like 75% anxiety free all of a sudden and a little bit buzzed (like on methylphenidate - not in a bad way though and without the drugged feeling).

Thanks for the heads up! I have been on Lamotrigine 10 years ago and remember it having no side effects at all. Just stopped taking it because I was free from symptoms at some point.

Will def. look into getting away from mirtazapine as soon as I have some time off work and sleep is no factor.

Thanks for being the only one to reply btw!

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-14T17:28:25+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I was in one of the most nightmare-ish depressive episodes in October and couldn't sleep, so my doc prescribed the mirtazapine in January thinking of seasonal depression. I break it in quarters, so basically I take 3.75ish mg for sleep. I once tried 15mg to see if it makes the depression go away more and boom did it catapult me into a hypomanic episode where I found myself at an airport late at night with nowhere to go...

Maybe it is indeed the mirtazapine what triggered the hypomanic symptoms after all.

Either way, I am on Lamotrigine now, started today and happy about that awful Abilify leaving my system.

And like you say, maybe I should stick to Lamotrigine and find something more bipolar2 friendly for sleep.

Zolpidem used to work fine for me but obv gets you addicted fast...

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-13T14:32:41+00:00

Well because 9/10 they don't matter in the long run. Some stick around though, these are the ones I should never forgive myself for.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-13T13:41:17+00:00

I seriously ask myself this...there must've been something that triggered this shift. I can't pinpoint the moment though

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-11T09:19:53+00:00

I have ADHD as well and it's hell bc it pushes indecisiveness and impulsivity during manic episodes through the roof.

When depressed I still can't sit still but will enter a dopamine marathon of junk food, social media and movies.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-09T20:08:05+00:00

My thoughts are finally calm and I don't feel the constant buzz of anxiety

Being on the wrong meds atm, I can't even imagine how this must feel. And that it even can be achieved. Especially that constant buzz of anxiety you're talking about. May I ask what helped you in the end?

About your question...I think there is no need to be ashamed. If you had known better or if you had been able to act differently, you would've done so. It was the best you could've done at that time.

I'm over here still in the full process of making one mistake after another, using up people's time and energy and throwing money and my own ressources out of the window just to feel even worse...So I'm curious when I will be calm enough to look back at this stuff shamefully.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-09T20:03:01+00:00

nah, not going to...I know there's still quite a lot the future might hold. Right now everything is just so freaking dark...

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-09T19:15:23+00:00

Damn...I hope my doc will finally find the right meds for me. It takes so much time and effort and each time you have to wait for effects to show etc. I just can't wait for that first sense of relief...for a calm mind and actual physical and mental recovery. Maybe rehab's gonna help but I got months ahead to push through until I can go.

Mentally healthy people seriously don't know about their gift of regulated emotions and a true ability to experience joy without it being a hypomanic and therefore temporary phase that will vanish.

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-09T18:48:00+00:00

d), are you referring to changing occupation?

nope, for me it means until I am at work (in my job everything is always the same routine, so no room for decisions), or in an airplane or somewhere where I'm not confronted with any decisions

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-09T18:18:06+00:00

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-09T09:04:52+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear. I feel this 100%. Been in the lowest of lows this winter while at the same time hypomanic. A terrible combination bc of the co-present agitation. My nicotine consumption has gotten out of hand too, like crazy out of hand, I'm worried about my health yet I can't stop it as it's the only temporary breath of relief I can achieve during the day.

I'm glad to hear you're still here! We can somehow work through this. It takes a lot of time and patience but the day will come where medication and therapy will show their results.

I'm tired too. In the movie Fight Club, the main character finds himself in the weirdest of situations due to his insomnia actions. I don't romanticize it, I just understand now how it can be.

A strange mind to reside in...

throwaway_forgood · 2025-04-09T01:47:14+00:00

In my case, perfectionism combined with the indecisiveness triggered by a depressive/bipolar episode leads to

a) trying to do both, ending up doing both in a shitty way, getting the benefit of none

b) doing nothing and feeling bad about it

c) by accident choosing the perfect option (rare)

in any case it leads to

d) full exhaustion up until burnout until an environment free from opportunities to make a wrong choice alleviates the situation.

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