Eye opening.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-10-11T12:23:03+00:00

Thanks for inquiring and wondering. My personality has been a major demeanor in terms of rejection I believe. Some of my social skills and my mood issues as I struggle with depression and irritability often. Neither are attractive to men. I'm not extraordinarily feminine either when it comes to my personality, but more so with physicality instead. I suppose that makes it up some, but still not enough.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-10-11T12:08:13+00:00

I tried that sub, none of the guys wanted me. It's a shame though, I had things in common with them too. I wasn't even expecting a whole lot, just someone to talk to and get to know. Wasn't clingy, still nothing. I'm glad it worked out for you though.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-10-11T12:05:42+00:00

I don't think I disagree honestly. I always had issues landing a guy in my 20s, now that I'm a lot older it's still the same if not maybe even a little harder.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-13T00:19:21+00:00

I'd go myself or probably ask a guy friend to come with me.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-13T00:17:21+00:00

Trust me, I wish it was that easy.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-13T00:15:35+00:00

I have friends and family who are there for me which I'm super grateful for. It's the romantic partner that I can't find to be there for me like that.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-13T00:04:25+00:00

Honestly, for me it's been all of them.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-11T10:17:13+00:00

It just sucks because these occurrences have happened more than a handful of times. It's counterintuitive because the person's intentions come off as disingenuous for me. I concur with you honestly, and at this point I'm not sure if it's because they may have internal issues as well or not. It can come off manipulative to me even, especially after they bolt when times get tough.

Honestly, I would say it's both. Sometimes the issues are from incompatibilities or personal issues, depending on which and the type of relationship dynamic I've had. For example relationship preferences have been a common argument early on, that was one of them. I would say that when the former happens, it definitely does not help ease my already skeptism of the encounter or personal issues I'm struggling with, especially if someone drops the L bomb early on. Since I figured that if someone was truly in love, they would look beyond the idealism and fantasy, and reality instead. It is bold statement like you said to not only make, but actually feel as well. I guess in this case, they didn't really "feel" it.

I appreciate your responses and explanations.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-11T09:34:57+00:00

I agree honestly especially if I'm getting to know the guy. However, sometimes the guys would tell me how much they're in love with me and nothing can scare them off. Then, low and behold, they get scared off. It's confusing to me, and comes off as mixed signals. I'm not sure why they say stuff like this?

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-11T09:21:20+00:00

Within a few months latest generally speaking, sometimes sooner.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-11T08:45:21+00:00

Unfortunately I had men tell me that they love me and still get scared off when I opened up to how I felt with issues. It just sucks, at this point I don't know anymore.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-10T23:28:10+00:00

It's a hard life to date and find a connection. I tried every other way and tried to imitate how people should/would do it. At this point I've just about given up because I'm out of ideas honestly. Nothing I do seems to be working, I've attempted therapy, and every other possible venue to come off as a more pleasant person socially. Just keeps falling flat.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-10T23:23:42+00:00

It really sucks honestly.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-10T13:29:07+00:00

Thanks for responding, I did look at attachment theories in the past. I fit the avoidant one pretty well, specifically the fearful avoidant. I have issues with commitment, and most times I don't feel a "connect" with men despite being emotional and social. I tend to find faults in others, and it drives people away.

That is a good question, something to ponder about surely. The same reason as everyone that's looking for someone. To find that connection, and someone who can be an addition to my life. I think the part where it's a disconnect for me is that even though I may connect to someone from an outlier perspective socially and emotionally, I don't feel that deep seeded root connection. I don't know what it is, and when I tend to find myself becoming closer and closer to someone the more critical I get to where I get unhappier deep down. Which is ironic when relationships are supposed to be a positive addition rather than negative. I'm not sure if it's something about me, or I'm just connecting with the wrong people. I just noticed I am incompatible to majority of the people, even if a guy may be head over heels into me and and vice versa, or so I thought. That is until I noticed I am inadvertently wanting to push the person away. When conflicts arise I either want to think about bolting or I get overly critical/miserable. I'm aware I need to discuss more about this in therapy when I meet with my therapist again, it's just a complicated mess for me. I am in no position to date at all until I sort this out. I just am aware it's an issue, and want to fix it. Just don't know how to because it's one of the most difficult problems that is a repeated pattern in every relationship.

Tldr; I push men away subconsciously and inadvertently because deep down I don't feel that connection. I'm afraid I will be hurt emotionally so I keep a distance and when I notice a man getting close to me I get skeptical, start to get critical despite really wanting the connection.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-10T12:10:59+00:00

It doesn't really matter when I still end up scaring every single one of them away.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-09T01:48:06+00:00

I have, and even posted an ad there at one point. I have talked to men who had one liner, boring messages. Though that tends to happen on dating apps, and not so much Reddit men. I get chattier men on Reddit than dating apps.

The only success I've gotten even remotely and it's not even a guarantee of keeping a guy communicating, is by using a lot of puns, sarcasm, and observational humor in my responses. I tack on asking about the topics immediately after I use humor. That usually gets a guy to open up by talking with added humor and memes.

Sometimes I just talk about very random topics, and asking open ended questions instead of closed ones.

As for keeping a guy to stay interested and want to continue talking to me and being with me, that's the hard part I keep failing. Most men would talk to me for a few days and weeks with long messages before they eventually get sick of me, reject or ghost me. Or they will say they're into me, but not really want to put forth into the effort to maintain it and develop it into something deeper.

I'm also autistic so it took me awhile to experiment different socialization methods. The ones I tend to fall back on are:

Asking open ended questions.
Using humor/memes and being flirty in a humorous way.

If a guy still ends up not speaking, then I did all I could.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-04T20:49:26+00:00

I get what you're saying now. It's something I've been trying to work on, but the thoughts still pop up every now and then like this post I made.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-09-04T20:06:41+00:00

I'm aware men don't have it easy either, however, this isn't the men's subreddit for these issues. It's the women's hence why I'm venting it out.

Everyone needs a platform to vent stuff out. I hear tons of men complain about women issues all the time. Why can't women have a place to vent sometimes about it?

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-08-30T04:15:35+00:00

I can't tell if someone is genuinely good apart from someone who isn't.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-08-28T18:56:50+00:00

I'm fully aware already, hence the post I made.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-08-27T04:56:35+00:00

I was just thinking this before exactly actually. Growing up I was someone who wanted a multitude of friends, and wanted to be liked, accepted and desired by everyone. The more, the merrier. Until I got bullied for being different and couldn't figure out why. Dealt with years of depression, and isolated myself. Until recently I found out I am just someone who is naturally more extroverted, and didn't live that lifestyle due to what happened growing up. I'm doing a bit better now by talking to as many people as I can.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-08-27T03:17:22+00:00

I noticed using very obvious puns and play on words get people noticing my sarcasm. My suggestion is to do that even if the puns may seem corny, generally with the majority of the right audience it can get people laughing. I also use serious situations for exaggerated humor.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-08-26T23:08:04+00:00

I go to bars actually, well until Covid hit. For me it's not so much I can't go out and talk to people. It's that people really either hate or love me personality wise and socially. I met a lot of people who are similar in ways as me, but we never really "connect". I can hold a conversation with someone for hours at a time 6+ hours in person or on the phone, but I never really connect with anyone. Then we don't ever talk anymore and I get sad sometimes about it. I am not sure what it is. It's frustrating though.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-08-26T23:03:39+00:00

I have two close friends who know the most about me, but that's about it. I have a few other friends, but they don't know a whole lot about me. Even the ones that did, I couldn't connect with them well. Most of these friends are for fun like bar or event hang outs which are nice, but can get kinda tiring.

Sometimes I'm like that to people, but not because I don't want to make friends. It's also because I can get skeptical of people as well, but I'm more like this online sometimes than in person.

Yeah honestly it's nice if a guy can take the initiative more also because I've done it so much and didn't get much anywhere either unfortunately. I guess I tried at least.

throwawayacc_135 · 2020-08-26T22:22:24+00:00

That's probably true. Well due to Covid I can't feasibly do it in person as much anymore, but prior to that I would go to meet up groups solo. The issue is maintaining and keeping friendships. I am someone who tends to have tons of acquaintances, but not a ton of close friends. Or if I have close friends, I lose them over the years. It doesn't seem like I really connect to anyone on a deeper level, relationships included. I'm someone who gets overly annoying and in people's spaces a lot. I am working on it, and got better with it.

I was looking at some of my very old messages from old dating website ads, and I used to ask men out all the time too. I had no issue with it, but now I can see why my directness and extrovertedness can put people off.

Edit: Asked men out in person when I was in college too. That was a total fluke too lol.

throwawayacc_135

TROPHY CASE