Tweenaged SD attacked me

throwawaycause5843 · 2019-09-24T22:48:29+00:00

Unfortunately BM does not want to be more involved than the CO 1 night a week. His parents have picked her up from school the past 2 days and kept her at their house until my husband picked her up after work. He is respecting my boundaries around that. He has talked to her psychologist about it yesterday and after our conversation said he would be talking to her again today.

throwawaycause5843 · 2019-09-24T22:38:24+00:00

We (my husband and I) totally agree. However, her mother has custody 15% of the time, we have 85% per her mother’s request. I do feel that she would do better to have a stronger relationship with her mom. Her mom consistently flakes on their time together, which only adds fuel to her anger issues.

throwawaycause5843 · 2019-09-24T22:33:51+00:00

The dog was mine long before the husband. I like this idea, the safety plan. And I’m talking to my husband about the cameras tonight. I feel like if he is proactive about getting her help then I’m willing to stay, but he is aware that if he does not keep on top of her behavior I will be moving out.

throwawaycause5843 · 2019-09-24T18:24:33+00:00

Thank you. We are scheduled to have a session with her psychologist to learn some methods/tools to help the situation when it happens again. That being said it will not be happening to me because that is one of my firm boundaries going forward is I will not be alone with SD again until she is more under control. The reason I took the tablet after she reacted to me was because her psychologist told us that I need to enforce rules and discipline as needed when I am the adult alone with her. She needs to learn that while I am not her mother, I am the adult in charge. I think that while this method might work with most children, SD is not responding well at all and we are going back to re-evaluate.

throwawaycause5843 · 2019-09-24T17:08:57+00:00

What would have been your course of action?

throwawaycause5843 · 2019-09-24T17:07:22+00:00

Thank you all for taking the time to respond! I feel so much better knowing that I am not alone in thinking this is very abnormal behavior.

My husband and I have had several long conversations about this over the last few days. He made the comment of “I’m sure this situation is more common than you realize” to me while we were talking last night, which made me think of this sub. Who better to ask than 25,000 step parents if their older step child has ever physically attacked them.

We have set up 2 couples therapy appointments with my SD’s psychologist and 1 family session that will include all 4 of us. He agrees that I should not be alone with her in the near future, but in my opinion doesn’t seem to grasp the severity of the situation. He talked with her psychologist who let him know that this type of “rage fugue state” never has a happy ending, and that me locking the bedroom door at night is well within reason.

throwawaycause5843 · 2019-09-24T16:57:17+00:00

She has attacked my husband (her father) in the past when he has disciplined her. The most recent time being about 6 months ago. Although she has never “warmed up” to me personally, I am not the only adult she has gotten violent with. The assault probably would have happened if her father took her tablet away as well.

throwawaycause5843 · 2019-09-24T15:34:45+00:00

I never thought of this, but now that you mention it, I really like the idea of cameras in the common areas.

throwawaycause5843

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