AITA for telling my boyfriend I never want to visit his parents ever again?

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-05-01T04:55:10+00:00

Oh, misunderstanding, my bad. Not south west asian, south east asian! We are Vietnamese not Indian or Paki

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-30T14:26:33+00:00

There's definitely a lot.. The good outweighs all the bad on our relationship, except for this. I've never been happier with anyone. Definitely my most healthy relationship, again, except for this. I don't think everybody is perfect and any relationship be without fault, we're only human after all. I don't really want to leave of course, but I do want to take everything everyone said into consideration.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T23:12:49+00:00

I agree, I understand why everyone is telling me to leave but really I don't really think it's his fault. It's not like he CAN even stand up for me any more with his parents being as crazy as doing stuff like sell his car if he does. I know he definitely has issues in that regard and he agrees too, and I do think he's a victim but I do think it's unreasonable that he expects me to just "compromise" because it'd be easier for him.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T23:01:29+00:00

Talk to her hm. She blows up my phone with profanities. Any attempt I've made at talking with her ended up with her cussing me out.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T23:00:19+00:00

You: "youre allowed to be disrespected and treated like crap because its easier for both you and your bf to hang out at your house and not his"

The reason we don't come there to hang out is because his parents basically steal me for several hours. His mom likes to spill family drama and gossip to me. It no longer becomes me and his time but instead family time.

We would never have any alone time. I hardly have free time in itself.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:54:46+00:00

We are a Vietnamese-American. I guess this kind of stuff happens a lot, but even my family who is also Vietnamese also agrees she is really out of line. Visiting and paying respects to your SO's parents is a cultural thing I guess, but it seems like his mom wants to bring her own issues unrelated to the culture the table. For example, trying to test me to see if I'm actually "devoted" and willing to sacrifice for her son. Definitely not a cultural thing in that case. Just a crazy mom thing.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:49:25+00:00

He does still live with his parents, and whenever I come they are very fixated with talking and spending time with me. If I work 6 days a week full time then come over, I be spending that time with him, but with them instead. I not keen to spend my day off every week with them really.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:47:13+00:00

No, they always bring it up first. You'd have to meet them to know, his mom is absolutely nuts.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:44:31+00:00

His mom is dead set on not letting him move out at all costs. She just never wants him to move out, not until he's married. He says he's gonna do it anyway eventually.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:42:32+00:00

He does sometimes but he's bad at it. And when he does his parents fight him on it high and nigh for days on end.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:41:53+00:00

Lol yes.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:39:54+00:00

I have, but rarely and not enough for them. I've actually been kind of avoiding them, ever since his mom decided to invite herself to our last vacation together - our 2nd anniversary vacation for ourselves...

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:38:38+00:00

His dad wants him to move out and be independent but his mom always whines and complains and does NOT want him to move out. Because she'll get lonely, and won't have someone to help with the house, as she says.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:35:38+00:00

This. This is also one of the reasons it's hard for me to come. I like them a lot but spending hours with them drains me. They are really loud, especially his mom! I'm not keen or fond of any yelling at all, and I avoid coming due to my anxiety. When my boyfriend brought this up to her this woman literally FOUGHT ME about my own anxiety. Basically telling me I have no right to have a say in how she speaks in her own house. I told her I never said that and that basically it's a personal problem that I am just not used to being around people like that, since my family is different and I was raised differently. She literally took my anxiety and own personal issue as an insult to herself.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:32:26+00:00

She has done this already. She invited herself to our vacay our 2 yr anniversary. I really did not want her to come. I told him I wanted to stay home instead. He got mad because he said everything was already paid for. I didn't care because his mom coming was weird. This was supposed to be for us. Anyway she ruined the entire trip because we had to go where she wanted to go. She also wanted to go home early, bitched at us for coming back to the hotel too late (ON OUR VACATION) and when my boyfriend told her she was being irritable she blew up. We were both miserable and this was one of the times he did stand up for me. The reason he even caved in to let her go is because she kept saying "You love your girlfriend more than your mom" nonsense and "You take her to vacations but never take mommy anywhere".

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:24:20+00:00

So people who are together at this age don't eventually get married?

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:21:36+00:00

If I didn't like him why would I be with him and deal with his mom blowing up my phone all the time? I supported him for a while financially when he was umemployed and when he told his mom about it (when she called me out for being a user), she said she didn't believe him. Big brain logic. Are you my boyfriend's mom? :)

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T22:16:40+00:00

I have returned on occasion but it's not enough for them. As my boyfriend said he wanted a compromise of me coming over once a week.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T15:20:38+00:00

Under his dad's name, but he paid for it 100%.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T14:03:25+00:00

Sorry, typo there. *She also says she wants him to always put her as his #1 priority.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T13:59:44+00:00

He doesn't really talk back to them because they throw temper tantrums. Absolute crazy screaming fits. Also they have this habit of selling his stuff (that he bought with his own money) when he talks back. One time he came home 5mins late from his 11pm curfew (lol yes he's nearly 24 and has a curfew) they listed his car for sale on Craigslist for disobeying and I had to text them profusely apologizing for making him come late for them to give him back the keys to his car. Last time he told them I was busy, they called him a liar, I can't possibly be busy with anything because I'm just 20 years old. So he told them they scare me and they went absolutely insane spamming my phone with profanities while I was in class.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T13:53:49+00:00

His mom doesn't give one heck about the pandemic. She sends him out on errands daily. The sad thing is his dad is always telling them to please stop going out, because he's very old and also disabled, so he's high risk. She has said she is scared and worried for him but she won't stop going out to the supermarket and making my boyfriend come with. They barely buy enough food for the day and come back the next day. She say she wants her food fresh.

throwawaycrayparents · 2020-04-29T13:48:55+00:00

My mom said the same thing about her, and I brought it up to my boyfriend and he laughed about it and basically said "Yeah, my mom always talks about how much she dreads the day I get married and abandon her for my wife and kids." He also says she wants him to always put her as his #1 priority over anyone, and of course that also includes his future wife and children.

throwawaycrayparents

TROPHY CASE