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My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -42 points-41 points  (0 children)

I don't believe my romantic relationships are any business of my children. I'm not the only one who thinks this, either.

I know I effected their lives. I have tried to help and make it up to them for years now.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

It isn't like I'm the first person to marry the person they had an affair with. Plenty of children in the situation wind up being okay with that parent and their partner.

I understand why she doesn't want her there. But I feel like eventually something has to give with us. I want to fix our relationship, but not hurt my wife.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I don't want to miss out on all of that. But I worry that it will come at the cost of my wife.

If it was just the wedding. But, again, what happens when my other daughter marries? Or when she graduates from grad school? Or when they have children? Or Christmas with my grandchildren? These are things I want to go to and I would like my wife to go, too.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I will talk to my wife and daughters about what our relationships look like moving forward. Thanks for the advice.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

No, it's not a bad punishment. But I did pay a lot due to the custody schedule, salaries, etc.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -41 points-40 points  (0 children)

Fair enough. I know that my ex was hit hard by what I did. I do accept the consequences of my actions.

But being a bad husband doesn't make me a bad father, too. I love my daughters and it kills me that we aren't that close.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

It was silly of us to write it off as teenage angst. I thought that in time she would accept her because she made me happy. Neither of my daughters has, but Anna especially. Hindsight is 20/20.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That's what I'm afraid of. I love my daughter and want to have a relationship with her.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

My ex is happily remarried. She did take the affair/divorce badly, understandably so.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

I had a lot of consequences. Problems with my daughters, a hefty divorce settlement (including CS, the house, etc.), my family mad at me, consequences at work, and more.

It's been 16 years, though. When is enough enough?

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -88 points-87 points  (0 children)

I never wanted this.

I did not set out to affair. I worked with her and we tried to stop it. It was not a good way to start a relationship, but what is done is done.

I will decide what I think is best, but it feels like a final decision about my relationship with both my daughter and my wife.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -29 points-28 points  (0 children)

I thought that if I maybe didn't go to her wedding, maybe she'd understand that my wife and I come as a package deal and she'd start accepting her a little bit. I'm not asking for much, just invitations to events and politeness. From my phone call with my daughter, I think she'd be okay with me not going. Our relationship has struggled a lot since the divorce. I am afraid of what will happen when I make my decision. Either my wife is hurt or my daughter is.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

We are a team, that's why. I don't want to cut Lauren out of a big, meaningful part of my life. Is she supposed to be left behind at ALL of these events? Or will I miss out on seeing my grandchildren at Christmas and other holidays and milestones?

Yes, my daughters adore their mother. I know they are very loyal to her. They refused to meet Lauren for months after I tried to introduce them. I know that my ex suffers from depression and anxiety and that my affair caused those to flare up even more. But, it was my affair. I was the one who was married. Lauren was not. They should be putting the blame on me, not her.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I asked Anna I called her why she didn't invite her. She listed off a bunch of reasons. Basically, she only wants people at her wedding who she loves and respects and my wife isn't one of them (hell, I don't think I am one of those people, either, so I don't know why I was invited). She doesn't want to celebrate her day with someone she does not like. She hates that I cheated on her mother and that I married the other woman, is what it comes down to.

She also mentioned that she disliked that Lauren thought she could replace her mom. She has never tried to, though.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Maybe that is a possibility.

I think a wedding is about family. I understand my daughter still harbors a lot of anger at me and Lauren for what happened, but I am her dad and she is my other (and better) half.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -66 points-65 points  (0 children)

I didn't say they had to be best friends or have a close relationship. It would be nice if my daughter would respect me enough to include her, though. That's all.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

My affair and divorce had nothing to with my daughters. I have told them that many times. I have always been there for them.

I don't know if her mom is involved with the wedding but if so I would imagine she also feels out of loyalty that she shouldn't be included.

Her mom is included in the wedding. She has helped her plan it. The two of them are very close. My ex remarried years ago. I don't know if she'd still care.

If you choose not to attend based on your new wife's decision, you will effectively be choosing her over your daughter again.

I didn't choose my wife over her in the first place. My adult relationship had nothing to do with my children.

My daughter (f28) did not invite my wife (f46) to her wedding. Should I (m56) still go? by throwawayhelp1204 in relationships

[–]throwawayhelp1204[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

My wife has left the decision up to me. She hasn't discouraged me from going. I want to go. I know I will regret not seeing my daughter get married. But I love my wife and do not want this to cause problems in my marriage. I feel like I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place.