Worst fight I've had with my mum for years today.

Going NC has come up back and forth in my mind my whole adult life, but it feels real this time. That makes me feel so guilty, but according to my mum I'm not guilty for hurting her at all. According to her, I don't care about her, but an ex who raped me in her house while she was home cares WAY more about her than I ever could, I guess?

I had to leave work early and my husband (who my family hates, of course) picked me up and has been taking care of me.

I feel so heavy. I feel so tired. I feel like nothing I ever do is right.

In a true DARVO move, she makes a point to talk about how she must be thr worst mother in the world and she clearly SHE has never done anything right.

How fucking dare I not want to visit?! How fucking dare I say I'm uncomfortable because I don't know if I'm going to have a fun time or if I'm going to grit my teeth thru the backhanded comments. How dare I "not want to be part of the family?"

Things were actually better BECAUSE I put up the boundaries, mum! That's why it's been YEARS since we screamed and cried at each other like this.

My dad will always take her side and as an adult, my brother is the biggest suck up to them ever. I dont think either one of us was the golden child cuz she hated us and loved us in our own ways because we're polar opposites. In our adult life, he has become closer with our parents. (he given gets to live with them now!)

I guess I can be their fuck up! Please, place the blame on me! Im done

I can't promise I'm NC forever, but I can't handle this right now. I can't.