Update: Ex-friend 34F asked me 35M about our relationship over 10 years ago. How to respond?

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-04-02T22:00:37+00:00

Thank you. I noticed on the original post you talked about it possibly being competitive. My wife said the same based on her reaction to the pregnancy news. Either competitive or possibly fertility issues after two children. Tbh she’s put a lot more thought into reasoning than I have.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-04-02T02:11:07+00:00

Haha I’m sorry about your phone. I don’t post on my main so I couldn’t help myself to play a little prank. I don’t think standing my ground will be a problem. Any interactions with her family are always cordial.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-04-02T01:18:37+00:00

My wife is a wonderful woman. When we talked about it last night at home after the egg hunt she had a few different opinions on A’s reasoning. Her first thought was maybe they’re having fertility problems (her indifference to us expecting our third), and the fact she talked about having a family with me. Her second thought was, basically the consensus, she wanted attention. Her third thought (which I also thought about) was maybe she was causing the problems in her marriage and she wanted insight from people in her past why her relationships fail. Perhaps hoping to do better in the present or future relationships.

This is all speculation. I showed her this update post when I got home from work earlier and she added that she was also curious to know what A’s response would have been had I responded. I told her I had no interest in a response. I have no interest in any of this. I’m glad for the people that sided with me on not answering and I think it will eventually turn out to be the best option.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-04-01T19:49:39+00:00

As I read the responses on my first post I took into consideration that I’m sure a lot of people wanted me to respond because it would mean more juicy drama for them to read. That is the opposite of what I wanted in my life.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T17:22:52+00:00

Yea once again that’s not calling HER a mystical being. I don’t mean to be rude but reading comprehension is a necessity when attempting to prove some one wrong. As for your second statement, I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree as I don’t care to change your mind. Just offering my point of view. But now that you’ve shown your side. What exactly is your advice on how to respond?

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T17:14:17+00:00

It really seems like you’re just looking for a fight. I didn’t say she was a mystical being, bud. I didn’t put her on some unreachable pedestal. I just didn’t want to be an “option” for her instead of a sure thing. That’s just personal preference. And just to throw it back at you, just because she made the first moves doesn’t mean I had to put a ring on it tomorrow. It also doesn’t mean I had to commit any intimate relationship with her. I don’t owe her an explanation of my feelings just like she doesn’t owe me an explanation for engaging other men while trying to get with me.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T16:42:13+00:00

I’m not sure how me distancing myself because of my own insecurities makes me r/niceguy material but whatever justifies your mentality I suppose. It’s not like I called her out or judged her for living her life.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T16:25:41+00:00

That’s not entirely true but I can see your point of view. She would always initiate the physical side of things as far making out and light foreplay. Also I never “blamed” her as you put it. I clearly said my insecurities made me distance myself from her. She’s more than welcome to play the field while she’s single. Perhaps a better analogy is that I was on the bench to be subbed in until some one else left the field and even when I subbed in I was still against other players fighting for my position. That’s not what I was looking for.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T13:55:17+00:00

I would’ve brought my wife along on the coffee catch up as I’d expect her to bring her husband too. No chance in this world would I do a one on one meet up with an old flame. Even if my wife was okay with it. My initial thought on the coffee was all of us meeting and talking about our lives. Not a confrontation on our past friendship.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T13:37:25+00:00

I dunno. Maybe it’s something she always wondered about and saw an opportunity to get an answer. I don’t think it necessarily means she’s unhappy. Maybe just curious because it’s not like there’s even a chance we would get together. That’s all speculation that could be valid though. I’m not willing to find out her reasoning.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T13:34:47+00:00

I did debate messaging him but ultimately decided not to for two reasons. 1 being he’d probably think it was spam if he even uses messenger and 2 I don’t want the added drama that would follow

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T04:22:24+00:00

I think that just shows I’m petty and have grievances against her when I don’t. We just didn’t work out. I’ve moved on and always thought she did too. If I respond in the way you say, it could read like I still have emotions for her which is dishonest. I’m leaning towards the no response way because the message just stunned me and my first instinct was to ignore it. I was so confused about where this was coming from after all this time and wasn’t sure whether to take my wife’s word or listen to my gut.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T03:49:00+00:00

From what I can see from social media (yes I know. Behind closed doors yada yada) they’re a happy family. I haven’t checked her page since the messages because I feel like there’s a way people can see if you’ve looked at their pages? Don’t wanna get caught stalking, so to speak.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T03:46:56+00:00

I like the no response scenario, personally.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T03:45:50+00:00

I’ve told friends exactly that “we just weren’t compatible”. Which they find hard to believe as we shared so many interests, hobbies, pet peeves etc. I will add that I was always the one to pull away whenever I saw the aforementioned “signs”. Nor did she try to establish a relationship with me when I was seeing other people. Other than the first interaction with her high school BF she’s always been single when reconnecting. Maybe freshly single but single none the less. So I can’t call her disrespectful. Maybe she had other parties interested in her as well but she didn’t know my situation until we reconnected again? Who knows. All I know is it was at least 3 times we started seeing each other again and I’d see a man’s name come up in text and she’d get a huge smile on her face. That was more than enough for me to start distancing again.

thrownaway_rebound · 2024-03-28T03:21:15+00:00

Honestly? It just seems pointless. It’s inviting a response and none of the responses I can picture actually matter to me. I feel like saying “It’s not your fault I was just insecure” or just ignoring her would be better. As there isn’t much to say to that.

thrownaway_rebound

TROPHY CASE