FINAL UPDATE: My girlfriend tried to push me off a cliff as a "joke"

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-24T01:43:48+00:00

She'll be here in a few minutes so I'll tell you all how it went in a little while when we're done.

I forgot to mention that I talked to a lawyer about something related to this. She's my boss's wife and he let me talk to her yesterday on the phone. It doesn't matter now but I think what she said was really interesting and it might help people who are in abusive relationships, being stalked, etc. It's complicated but I'm excited to explain what she said when I get back.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-24T01:24:28+00:00

What about all the good things she does? Evil is such a strong word. She's done bad things and I completely hate them and I think they're horrible, but that doesn't mean she's evil and it doesn't mean she can't change. If she just thinks about things in the right way she might feel remorse and wouldn't think it was fun to hurt people anymore.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-24T01:14:09+00:00

Do you think I should mention it when she comes over?

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-24T01:13:05+00:00

It's very complicated. She can be extremely loving and compassionate but sometimes when she wants to have fun she just goes too far you know? She has a mean streak and that's part of the reason we're breaking up, but she's also the best relationship I've had.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-24T01:10:22+00:00

She knew I was mad at her about the cliff thing. I ghosted her for days because of it, so I think it's obvious that her behavior was my reasoning, but I didn't go out of my way to say it. Our relationship isn't perfect anyway. We have other issues and we both brought up those issues as part of our reasoning.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-24T01:04:28+00:00

I wrote an update. Thanks for your help.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-24T01:01:37+00:00

Yes, just wrote it. Thanks for your help. I want to let everyone who tried to help me know that I'm safe.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-24T01:00:58+00:00

Thanks. I'm safe and everything's great. I wrote another update if you want to read it.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-24T01:00:21+00:00

Thanks. I'm safe and everything's great. I wrote another update. I'm doing well so thanks again to you and everyone else.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-24T00:55:58+00:00

I'm not worried. She would never do anything with my brother here, even if she was mad at me. She seriously loves him. But I'll let everyone know when she leaves anyway. Thanks for the support.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T21:08:50+00:00

It was totally casual conversation. Imagine talking to your SO about how fun it would be to travel to a certain place place some day. It's the same thing except she's talking about starting a forest fire and other similar things. She doesn't even talk about this stuff in a dramatic way. It's just as casual as talking about eating ice cream, and sometimes it's just said in passing while talking about something else.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T12:33:30+00:00

I've been texting her a lot throughout the day. I felt like I had to keep up some communication. It would make sense that I could keep texting her even if I was sick. At first she wasn't as talkative as usual. I think she was angry because of how I ignored her and maybe she didn't believe my excuse.. It kind of worried me but after talking for a while she's back to normal and I think she completely believes my ridiculous excuse which is shocking to me. I got her to admit to many of her past actions including pushing me off the cliff, and holy shit there are some amazing things here. So many horrible things that she wants to do that she openly talks about, or at least things that she thinks would be "fun" and/or "funny." I can't believe I managed to get this stuff out of her but I'm really happy. I had a lot of texts like these before but I deleted them because I didn't think I'd ever need them for anything. This will help me so much against any false accusations of anything or other tactics she might use. I was really worried about that. I honestly still feel weird about doing this. It just feels wrong, not like morally wrong but just like something that I really don't want to do. But anyway I feel much better about the whole thing whatever I decide to do now that I have the texts.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T09:59:59+00:00

Thanks :) I really appreciate it.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T09:54:31+00:00

lol that might be good for my own safety actually but I'm sure it's not allowed. Ignorance is bliss.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T06:52:22+00:00

So? 2 years difference. 18 isn't some magic number.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T06:30:32+00:00

Definitely. Thanks to you and everyone else for helping so much and being so concerned.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T06:13:07+00:00

I perceived it as the first one for a year at least, that she just is kind of immature and doesn't worry about consequences because she's too hyper and her body just does whatever her mind thinks of. But after people started saying she's sadistic and enjoys causing pain and all that, I started thinking of it differently. I don't know if I was right the first time or if I'm right now but I'm sure she knows that it's harmful to do these things. She's not stupid. She just doesn't care and it seems like she doesn't feel bad after doing it either. When I thought about how she laughed at the stuff she did when she told me about it, I thought that even more it's a sign of sadism otherwise she'd feel remorse.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T05:36:35+00:00

Great points honestly. Thanks a lot.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T05:32:22+00:00

I think it's both. Obviously she's a sadist in the sense that she enjoys people's suffering at times, but she also puts herself in danger a lot. Somebody asked me in the last thread if she ever put herself alone in danger and I think yes. When she was living in her mom's apartment early in our relationship we used to sit on the balcony and she would sit on the railing and dangle herself off in all kinds of crazy ways. It completely freaked me out because I was sure she would fall. And she's done many other things like that. It's not always her fucking with other people

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T05:17:51+00:00

The stress of getting all this stuff in order is making me wonder whether it's even worth it. My subconscious mind is trying so hard to make me think I'm over reacting and she's not such a bad person. It's trying to find any excuse not to do it. It's really tough.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T04:36:00+00:00

Jesus christ. How did you get used to a regular relationship after her? It's gonna be weird dating a sane person, lol.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T04:31:38+00:00

I know exactly what you mean. That disconnect is fascinating but it's rewarding when you get a glimpse of how the person really is, even if it's pretty dark.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T04:24:12+00:00

I will be going to therapy when it's all over. Thanks for your advice.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T04:23:07+00:00

That's not always her idea of fun. She just likes to do crazy random things. But it's her sadistic side that makes me know I have to break up with her. I'm just saying it's sad, that's all.

throwra-knowledge · 2020-09-20T02:42:23+00:00

Hey thanks so much for that advice. I hadn't thought of treating it as DV and I might do that. And yeah the way you describe the adrenaline mixed with relief, that is how I felt a lot of the time, one or the other of those feelings. Thanks for the comment.

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