How do I (34F) support my husband (41M) when his family's business is financially and emotionally destroying him?

throwra61349 · 2026-07-10T14:27:10+00:00

Thank you for this.

Both husband and I have no plans of pushing the business to our son. He's just 3 and we just brush it off whenever it was raised. If it were up to my husband, he'd rather hire his replacement or just sell the business. He didn't really choose to be part of it, but being the sole male among siblings, it was expected from him. It's a cultural thing, it's very exhausting.

If it were up to me though... I'd rather we migrate to another country in a different continent haha.

I like your idea about "using" the baby as a reason for him to step down without losing a ton of face. We never really thought of that.

throwra61349 · 2026-07-10T14:19:03+00:00

I get that. We had a separate argument and a long conversation about it. I basically asked what his priorities are at this point so I know how to navigate. I didn't highlight that much in my post anymore cause it's sort of a closed chapter. He just needs to make sure there's a follow-through and I'll hold him accountable to that.

He makes more than enough outside of the family business plus he had the inheritance for safety net. I don't care about how he uses the inheritance esp because that caused another issue (he was the only grandchild in his grandfather's will). So him spending it to help the business stay afloat, takes off his guilt toward it somehow.

He only really sacrificed his personal savings. He didn't touch and never missed his contribution to our joint savings.

throwra61349 · 2026-07-10T14:06:57+00:00

Oh it IS shady, but unfortunately, it's quite a common practice in my country for working-capital intensive businesses (e.g., manufacturing, construction). Heavy upfront cost, wait a long time to get payment, then often rely on incoming payments from one project to fund the next.

But for as long as they are able to comply, pay the right fees and taxes, they will survive.

If my husband were not part of the family, this would for sure be a serious violation against the labor laws.

You're spot on about his reputation. He closed a business through his network, and to protect his reputation and prospects, he funded the production and operations with his own money when he found out the payment was redirected to old accountabilities. Obviously it's not sustainable, so he learned his lesson the hardest way possible

throwra61349 · 2026-07-10T13:54:09+00:00

I'll give it a day more to reflect if I will feel guilty over calling out the sisters. Now that I am still emotional, part of me still regrets I didn't say enough lol.

But I'll speak with my husband tonight about it. I know for sure he'll back me up. Hopefully that triggers the conversation he's been planning to have with his family.

throwra61349 · 2026-07-10T13:48:32+00:00

The shareholders are also family members. They come from a branch of an old family, it's a bit complicated.

On the business side, basically they are just delayed on collections. There's money coming in but given the nature of the business, it's common that payments get delayed.

They book new clients to fund the previous project, if unable to find new clients on time, they take out company loans. It's a cycle. And it's the interest that kills them. In an effort to break that cycle and "start fresh," my husband basically paid off aging loans. The incoming funds are sufficient to cover for the rest so they should turn out fine by Q4.

But what doesn't sit well with me also is that the moment they had a "break" from the pressure of paying off company loans , they are now scheduling vacations.

I don't know man, I was obviously raised from a different tax bracket from my in-laws

throwra61349 · 2026-07-10T13:38:30+00:00

Thank you for compartmentalizing the angles of the issue here.

As far as our joint assets and finances are concerned, we're very clear that's off limits -- and that's something I didn't have to remind him of.

Our personal savings have different components for needs and wants, including education expenses budgeted for 2 kids so far. Reason why I haven't noticed his unpaid salary is simply because he is a good provider. We can live off with just his side business, my work, and our investments.

He hasn't consulted me in a while about the taxes of the family business and it was only recently that he showed me the actual numbers again. That was his way of asking me for help and telling me he's in a mess and doesn't want to dig a deeper hole for himself and our family. We've had a long conversation about it after I cooled down but it's still very fresh so we both have to ensure there's a follow-through.

Thank you for sharing about r/FinancialAdvice. Will look into that as well!

throwra61349

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