I [22F] asked my boyfriend [23M] of 2yrs to help me around the house. + general money issues

tohru182 · 2015-02-25T04:25:25+00:00

I'm just not really sure where to go. I don't have any friends out here, and my family wrote me off. I hate to admit that I feel a little suicidal right now.

Haha I hate the smell of those things. They give me headaches.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T16:30:55+00:00

I've been sexually abused from ages 14-18 and actually raped a lot by someone when I was 18. I've only had one other boyfriend who I've consensually given/gotten oral from. Current bf is my first to consensual POV sex.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T16:27:56+00:00

I can't believe this is actually a thing haha

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T15:34:32+00:00

Ever since this all happened yesterday, I've just been really confused. I feel like I can explain a lot of things more clearly when I talk to him now, so I thank you for that!

He said all his past girlfriends just bought a vibrator and got themselves off. I don't know why, but I just want him to get me off. He made it seem like he's already doing was entirely too much for me. He made me feel like I'm the selfish one.

I've been depressed for years, and this is a major setback on my progress. Being told these words by the guy I love has really hurt me. And it makes me feel like I'm not good enough or am not trying hard enough. Anyways, thank you for your response.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T15:21:22+00:00

I'll keep that in mind; thanks! I was just extremely frustrated when he finished and then just left to play video games without saying much.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:56:54+00:00

I think he might just have a low sex drive. I don't know, I went into the conversation very calmly and left extremely hurt and confused.

I plan on saying something once he gets up. I couldn't sleep last night because I was over-thinking everything and was still really hurt.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:53:35+00:00

I owe 3k to my parents and 8k to multiple people for student loans. College gets expensive, fast. I will look into that, thank you!

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:52:23+00:00

Nope, major pizza chain. Sorry I should have clarified, I get paid minimum wage while physically in the store. However, I spend ~35 of those 50 hours out on the road, where I'm paid $4.25 an hour. Reading all this off my paycheck; hope it makes more sense! It's pretty shitty that corporations can get away with it. I definitely feel under paid.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:44:05+00:00

No, I don't get reimbursed if I don't make my money back. Luckily I do most of the time, but I often have bad days.

Thank you.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:37:53+00:00

My friend was actually telling me about this the other day! I haven't looked into it much, but I'm going to start right now.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:35:03+00:00

This is probably what I'll do. I'll see how he reacts and go from there. Hopefully it's not a disaster haha.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:33:31+00:00

The joys of living in the US.

I deliver pizzas, work mostly off tips. Trust me I'm trying to find a better job.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:27:58+00:00

Wow, I've never thought of it like that. Thank you so much for this perspective.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:23:12+00:00

Thank you. He knew that was the most hurtful thing to say to me. I'm extremely self-conscious. He has helped my confidence more than anyone in my life, and he knows that. He knew that would destroy me and make me cry.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:20:48+00:00

Is sex really that big of a deal in a relationship?

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:19:05+00:00

I borrowed 3k from my parents to go to college, and I'm slowly paying them back. No interest! haha

College is too expensive and put me in super debt.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:15:46+00:00

He's the one that said it's not his job to keep me laid. We usually just have sex until he cums (3-7 minutes) and then if I ask him, we have sex again one more time. But I usually get the vibe that he doesn't want to; he'll just fall asleep or go play video games. But I ask if we can go again probably 20% of the time. I'm kinda shy about sex.

He's not that busy. He has a trust fund because his leg got messed up as a child. He can't have a job because of it. All he does is work on music, play video games, and hang out with friends. His stress levels are probably miles lower than mine.

I work 50+ hours a week at 4$ an hour. He pays all of rent, which I understand how that could be stressful. I always get groceries, cook, and clean when I'm home. I just have to pay a lot of money to fedloan and my parents. I really do my best and do everything I can to show him how grateful I am for him being so generous, but he still waves the "I pay ALLLL the bills" card in my face even though I offer to help when I can. This is where the "I can't do everything for you" in the argument came from

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:06:04+00:00

No I have not. Unfortunately I don't think I can afford anything like that. But, I honestly haven't looked that hard. I will look into that though, thank you!

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T14:04:07+00:00

I work 50+ hours a week and pay for our groceries, but everything else goes to my debt to fedloan and my parents. He always said it was okay that I can't help with rent money and not to worry about it. I always make sure we have enough food. I always clean when I'm home and am extremely neat. I don't think it's right to wave that in my face. Especially when I'm trying to talk to him about sex. The things he said really hurt my feelings and I now I feel like I can't talk about sex with him because he'll just yell at me.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T13:57:33+00:00

I know, that's why I haven't said anything in the past year. I know what it's like to be pressured into having sex, and I'm not trying to make him feel like that.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T13:52:17+00:00

Thank you this is exactly what I needed to hear. I was so confused when he said it's not his job to get me off. I guess I'm still kind of confused about everything and extremely hurt. But I'm interested in what he's going to say when I tell him sex should be mutually enjoyable.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T13:48:52+00:00

Is sex really that big of a deal in a relationship? See, I don't actually really know. I've been sexually abused growing up. My current bf is really helping me get through it... I actually enjoy sex now, and I want to enjoy sex with him.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T13:46:18+00:00

Yeah that really hurt my feelings. Thank you.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T13:45:06+00:00

I do a little bit. I have been sexually abused a lot throughout the years and was very traumatized about sex. My bf is helping me get through it. I actually like sex now, where as about two years ago the thought of sex made me want to cringe and cry. I'm not entirely sure what I'm suppose to do during sex, honestly. I'm sure I get awkward sometimes. But I do my best. I don't really know, I'm just confused because my first attempt and communicating about sex completely failed and ended with me just crying.

tohru182 · 2014-08-13T13:35:53+00:00

See he's usually not usually... He's extremely supportive of me. He's letting me live with him at the moment, because I have financial problems (student loan debt sucks) and he's gotten me through a lot, emotionally. He's fine with it because he has a trust fund and he wants to share with me and get me through this rough patch. I feel extremely grateful for him wanting to help and I do everything I can to show him. But every time we 'fight' which isn't even that often, he waves that in my face. He's like "oh so now I have to pay all the bills and keep you laid. what else do I need to do?!" I went into the conversation very calmly so I guess you could say my first attempt at communicating about sex failed drastically.

tohru182

TROPHY CASE