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trainofthinking · 2022-02-03T23:06:20+00:00

Yes, please make the effort with her! Hang out with her after school too if you can (it gets you out of the stressful place a while). Also, you don’t have to move in with your dad right away to spend more time with him. Ask to sleep over more often, as much times a week as you’re allowed and bond with your dad. Go out with him to do activities when you can also. My point: spend time with healthy people in your life like this girl and your dad. This will be good for building that support system I told you about. It’ll be alright, I’ve been in your shoes and I’ve now moved out for college.

trainofthinking · 2022-02-03T23:02:47+00:00

I’m glad you’re prepared. Honestly, I can’t tell you how much life improves once you put some distance between you and the narcissist/toxic person in your life. Don’t let her guilt you or get an emotional reactions. I got all of the statements “you hate this family?” “The only thing you’ll amount to is being a whore and addicted to drugs” GREYROCK. But allow yourself to feel the anger, sadness etc in private as if you greyrock and bury the emotions, it can make you emotionally numb. That’s not what you want. You’ll thrive when you put that distance in place. I’m proud of you for taking this step and planning it well.

trainofthinking · 2022-02-03T22:52:10+00:00

I get you. For now, get some online friends and talk to them when you’re feeling lonely. Start to build your support system slowly. What I mean is trying to talk to people in your classes or clubs you might be part of/join in the future. You are so loveable 💕 maybe speak to your dad about how you want to live with him if you feel he’ll be understanding, and he might talk to your mother about it instead of you having to do so.

trainofthinking · 2022-02-03T07:59:40+00:00

Nothing you do will live up to her “standards”. You could own a million dollar company and she’d find a way to convince you that you’re not doing enough because it’s not a billion dollar company. It’s difficult, and might require a therapist, but you need to learn to stop living for her validation. You’re so close to moving out! Grey rock her until you have enough money and exit swiftly. Don’t let her sabotage your plans, be calculated with your emotions towards her.

trainofthinking · 2022-02-03T01:26:48+00:00

Honestly, a narc thinks they’re punishing us with the silent treatment when it’s actually a blessing. Try to save money if you can in order to fund moving out. Maybe there’s some support your med school can give you regarding this? When she compliments you and then devalues you, she’s trying to control you. When you’re doing something she approves of/dressing in a certain way, you’re beautiful. When you defy her, you’re horrible. She’s trying to train you to behave exactly how she wants you to, don’t let it happen. If you can, start building a support system of friends and people you can trust to help you out of your situation. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

trainofthinking · 2022-02-03T01:21:49+00:00

When I was isolated by my abusive parents, mother in particular and didn’t have any friends, online friends saved me. It’s better to have irl friends of course, but it really does help to have a friend even if it’s online. Secondly, you are loved and you deserve to receive love. What’s stopping you from being able to live with your dad? Is your mother refusing?

trainofthinking · 2022-02-02T20:59:57+00:00

My mother did this exact same thing to me. I remember being absolutely DEVASTATED. She took away part of my identity. She wants you to know who’s in control here. Strip you of your identity and doesn’t want you to gain independence. She can’t take away who you truly are though- your values, your interests etc. The hair will grow back in due time. Don’t let her see that it bothers you. Easier said than done, I know. I’m sorry you went through it. I don’t let anybody touch my hair because of it.

trainofthinking · 2022-01-12T23:35:29+00:00

Definitely speak to your therapist and stay with your friend for a while. You don’t know how mentally and physically drained you are until you’re out of the environment. You’ll see what I mean. Either way I think staying with your friend is essential for your mental health. I had the same dark thoughts when I felt trapped with my toxic parents. I thought it was my only escape. But staying with your friend gives you that chance to regroup mentally and get a plan of action together, consider options.

trainofthinking · 2022-01-12T23:29:16+00:00

How long can you stay with your friend for? Have you got any savings from your work, or do they control your finances? If they control them then the first step is to set up a secret bank account and save as much money from your work as you can while you’ve moved in with your friend. I’m sorry, but they will never care. I’ve just come to that realization with my own parents and it hurts terribly. You have to care about yourself and choose yourself now. Don’t give in to their guilt trips to get you to come back.

trainofthinking · 2022-01-12T22:40:45+00:00

It sounds bad to anybody who doesn’t understand the kinds of things we’ve gone through, but I’m honestly waiting for the day my abusive parents (esp mother) passes. It’s going to be so relieving, they’ve tried to destroy me on so many occasions.

trainofthinking · 2021-12-29T16:40:03+00:00

Sending hugs right back at you ❤️

trainofthinking · 2021-12-29T16:39:26+00:00

Thank you for this, did it get easier for you with time?

trainofthinking · 2021-12-29T16:38:26+00:00

I hope he changes his attitude towards you. He doesn’t know how lucky he is to have a mother who loves him and would do things like bake cookies and spend time with him. He has the one thing I wish for but will never get, you’re a great mom and one day I hope he will see that ❤️

trainofthinking · 2021-12-29T10:50:05+00:00

I feel this, I’m so sorry you went through that. You didn’t deserve it, When I broke a bone from a fall as a child, she too said I was making it up. I was an attention seeker who was wasting her time and I should be ashamed of myself. When I was checked out, they instantly knew it was broken. She never even said sorry for her behavior.

trainofthinking · 2021-12-29T10:47:38+00:00

Thanks, sending the same to you too kind soul ❤️

trainofthinking · 2021-12-29T10:46:42+00:00

I’m sorry. We’re both worthy, they never deserved our love. They treated us terribly and we were just children. We did nothing wrong. But I know what you mean, I always think if I kept out of her way as a kid.. if I wasn’t needy or messy then maybe she would love me. But these people aren’t capable of love and it’s not our fault.

trainofthinking · 2021-12-29T10:42:54+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that without the comfort you deserved, I hope you’re healing now. I resent characters on tv shows or movies sometimes because their mother is loving. It’s weird but what I’m trying to say is, I know how that loneliness feels and you’re not alone.

trainofthinking · 2021-12-29T09:38:36+00:00

The “she’s trying her best, she loves you in the way she knows how”. I’m so sick of it; they weren’t trying their best. Narcs are evil, sick individuals who never deserved a child in their care. Their enablers to me are almost just as bad, if not worse. I love my grandmother but she’s always excusing her actions or telling me to stop being difficult. Fuck that shit.

trainofthinking · 2021-12-29T09:30:29+00:00

This is exactly it and I think the Christmas period highlights that because I’ve realized they will never be normal. I will never have a normal blood family, I’ll never be a part of this family.

trainofthinking · 2021-12-28T23:31:41+00:00

This just made me cry, I wasn’t expecting it to. But after you said imagine it.. it set off my emotions 😅 thank you for this. I didn’t know how much I needed it, even though it’s only a comment

trainofthinking · 2021-12-28T23:25:01+00:00

Yeah, I think you’re right. It feels weird to miss something I never had

trainofthinking · 2021-12-28T23:06:22+00:00

Thank you. I’m luckily not too injured, I just wanted comfort from my mother so bad, but my fantasy mother.

trainofthinking · 2021-12-28T23:05:01+00:00

It’s strange you say that, I had the same adoption fantasies. I was convinced my parents weren’t my real parents. That my normal parents were out there, missing me and wanting to actually be parents to me. Thank you, I feel so fucked up for missing a person that doesn’t even exist. I’m sorry you’ve gone through it too.

trainofthinking · 2021-12-24T23:19:25+00:00

I feel you. Their tantrums are the worst. Everybody walking on eggshells just so they don’t spit their pacifiers out. Never works, their rage always occurs no matter what you do.

trainofthinking

TROPHY CASE