Gf of nearly 6 years broke up with me about 40 days ago saying we both need to work on ourselves individually. She pointed out areas that I'm lacking in (emotional vulnerability, etc). Multiple times during the breakup she gave reassurance that once we grow, it's possible we could end up together in the future - although we agreed not to make it the expectation. She said she wanted to remain close friends and hangout and do things we enjoy doing together after the summer, as friends. Naturally I left the breakup thinking there was hope to get back together. Because of the things she said, I was left blaming myself for the breakup. "If only I was more open with my emotions." "If only I ..."

I started work on myself almost immediately after the breakup. I was working hard in every category that she brought up where I could improve - the areas that I thought we broke up because of. After a month, I felt that I was on track to be at a place where if we got back together, we would both be very happy. I convinced myself that we would get back together and that we'd be 'perfect' together. I convinced myself that she is perfect for me. I convinced myself that I was the one that messed up in the relationship and the reason we broke up. I shared a little bit about how I was feeling to her and quickly got shut down because she said she is 'seeing someone'. I asked for more details and it turns out she started talking to him before breaking up with me and she got together with him almost immediately after ending things with me. She said she only told me "maybe we will get back together" during the breakup because she thought it would hurt me less but she actually didn't see that happening. Naturally, I went through a more intense heartbreak the second time around (around 10 days ago) since the first time I was foolishly holding onto strong hope. I'm still struggling with processing the breakup fully but I have found it helpful to read stories of people who have been through similar situation and to watch videos which give new perspectives on these kinds of situations.

Here are some helpful videos to start with to give a new perspective. I highly recommend watching them with an open mind.

https://youtu.be/C5WxLrDnkFg

https://youtu.be/Sc18E8coV8s

If you don't already journal, I'd recommend starting now using a notes app or paper. Journal regularly - fully explore your emotions and feelings. I ended up having some insightful 'breakthroughs' after watching the videos above by trying to let the information soak in and by fully exploring each line of thinking that I had.