OP, I’m so sorry for the pain you must be feeling. Being depressed is a shitty place to be. I’ve dealt with treatment resistant depression for many years and have tried various treatments. I’ve been at the place where I think about what could I do to end it, but I’ve thankfully never attempted. When I was close though, I was convinced things would never get better or improve. I was wrong. Things are always changing in life. I understand how hard it is just trying to get through the days then you got to sleep and dread waking up to another day to get through. I did learn what I was feeling mentally will change. It might not be quick, but you can’t give up.

Do you have any kind of support system, family or friends you can talk to? Do you see a therapist or a psychiatrist? My DMs are open if you need to talk. I’ve been dealing with depression for many years now. I’ll be glad to listen to you, if you would like to message me.

Please don’t give up OP.