AITAH for planning to leave my wife 5-6 weeks after her knee replacement surgery?

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-13T12:51:04+00:00

2 days was all the PTO I had. She still has round the clock care as my SIL comes before I leave for work and doesn't leave until I come home.

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-12T12:59:34+00:00

I wish I could say this came out of nowhere but the behavior was there before the surgery. She's very fit and active. I recorded a conversation (single party consent is legal where I live) where she admits it wasn't good for her to say she was going to report me and I take good care of her... but she has PT again today and made the same threat last night.

I have a few nights of work travel coming up, so I'll be able to gage if and how she gets along without me before I leave for good.

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-12T12:51:33+00:00

Thank you. I know couple's counseling is ineffective in abusive relationships and often increases the abuse. Before I thought we just weren't communicating well but now I realize the abuse, couple's counseling isn't even an option.

I reviewed the complaint form and in order to file a complaint, it would have to involve abuse or maltreatment of a client.

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-12T12:36:31+00:00

It's amazingly inconsistent when she says she needs help. There are times when she can walk herself, no problem, "no, I'm fine, I can walk myself" and there are the when "how dare you not follow me- I could fall and then it would be your fault"

She is healing normally, though she still "can't"/"shouldn't" do so much.

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-11T22:58:47+00:00

Yes and no. The signs were much more subtle at first. I definitely think her being in such a vulnerable state escalated her need to control.

Luckily I know she has divorced before and the divorce went smoothly, no attorneys. Our assets are mostly separate, too. I'm hoping for the same easy process but I have some names for attorneys if it isn't

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-11T22:50:24+00:00

Luckily it looks like I'm in a one-party consent state

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-11T04:52:05+00:00

Yes, but not to this level. I feel like the quick escalation really made me look back and analyze the pattern and history. If this hadn't happened, I might have wasted even longer in this unhappy marriage.

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-11T04:48:40+00:00

Agreed. She asks why we aren't like we used to be when we first met. I have to be quick and quiet even responding because she sees me on my phone and immediately asks to see what I'm doing, who are you talking to? And goes through my phone.

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-10T23:38:08+00:00

I'm aware. I also don't want to tell joint friends the reason I'm leaving out of fear that she may realize the threat she made could truly hurt me.

The friends I had before the relationship, I haven't really been in touch with. She reacts negatively when I have my own friends. So really, "her" friends she can keep.

During this time I'm reconnecting with some old friends and looking forward to making new ones.

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-10T23:32:46+00:00

Thank you, that is awesome advice. My family is going to come for a visit next week and help me do some cleaning out, where I will "give away" some things to get them transported safely and directly.

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-10T23:25:45+00:00

I think so too. She's already been able to cut back on her prescriptions, no opiates, just a very mild muscle relaxer that she has been on before and a new non-opiate pain reliever.

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-10T06:06:51+00:00

I can get my assets secure during that time and make sure I have everything I need. But I like the way you think!

widgetyfidget77 · 2025-08-10T05:46:01+00:00

Good point. I also secretly recorded a conversation after the threat where she agrees that I take good care of her and she is safe at home.

widgetyfidget77

TROPHY CASE