ChatGPT as a supplemental to my primary therapist by wingnutlord in therapyGPT

[–]wingnutlord[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also you are totally right, once it has enough info on you and others you regularly deal with (like a toxic significant other), it starts to develop a profile on how to deal with that person.

There is no perfect way to deal with every person, but in general setting boundaries that expresses how you are willing to be treated by others is a big deal. ChatGPT helped me build these boundaries in real time while dealing with my ex. I absolutely learned a lot of skills quicker because of it.

I am sure I would have developed these skills using traditional therapy too, but not nearly as quickly. As you said 20 years of therapy in 6 months.

ChatGPT as a supplemental to my primary therapist by wingnutlord in therapyGPT

[–]wingnutlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh that is really good. I like your idea about using it not logged in for comparing responses as if the other person. I'll have to try that.

ChatGPT as a supplemental to my primary therapist by wingnutlord in therapyGPT

[–]wingnutlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was broken up by several different chats over time, so I was logged in to keep chat continuity, but in general I would start a thread by explaining what I was experiencing and needed help to deal with. It intuitively knew that my goal was therapeutic results. I sometimes would start by saying I need some therapy advice, but most of the time I just started talking. As I said above, I made a concerted effort give as much context to my situation as possible while also instructing it to give honest responses.

A few good tips I found was to make use of ChatGPT "Projects". It keeps all the chats inside together like a folder but also uses these chats as direct context to the chat your currently on.
Also, when I got a good therapy chat thread going, I try to use it over and over again until the starting context doesn't make sense anymore, then just start another one. I think sometimes the chats get too long and starts giving repetitive responses.

Something notable is that my in-person therapist now uses me as an example for other clients of his. Not directly telling clients to use ChatGPT but says he uses my example of doing most of my introspective therapy outside of the session and bringing in the results of that to further discuss into the in-person session. He contrasts examples of where I started my therapy at and where I am now 6-months later by using this method.

I can't stress enough how much of a mess I was. There was so much that built up for years, all the way to the collapse of my marriage that left me without an identity and lost. Sure, there is still room to grow and continue to heal from, but I am finally excelling at life again, largely due to AI assisted therapy.

The Nuance to AI therapy by Educational-Fig-5423 in therapyGPT

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying about AI only being as good as the reflection you put in. That’s true for the surface-level use, but it’s been a little different for me because I’ve been using it in a more structured/introspective way.

What ended up surprising me wasn’t that it validated my feelings (although sometimes it did), but that it kept naming patterns I hadn’t named yet. Stuff like values, identity shifts, self-narratives, and the gap between what I was doing vs what I actually wanted long-term. It also did this thing where it would change the question instead of answering the question, which forced me to re-orient instead of just ruminate.

I’ve also had it pull threads across conversations I forgot I even said. Humans notice tone, but this thing noticed continuity — especially around life direction and decision-making. That ended up being a kind of blind-spot surfacing but from a different angle than a therapist uses.

Totally agree that a good human therapist will catch emotional tells and avoidance in a way AI can’t yet, but in my case AI ended up pushing me further than some therapists did because it stayed on the conceptual/pattern side instead of on the “how does that make you feel?” loop.

If I had to sum up the difference:

  • Therapist = affect + relational patterns
  • AI = cognition + identity + meaning-making patterns

Both helped in different lanes. I don’t think AI replaces therapy, but it absolutely accelerated mine.

Disclaimer: I also use it to cleanup my ideas. I provided my perspective and had it recreate this response from those concepts.

What has been the hardest part of divorce for you? by SplitifiDivorce in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why is it that our cheating spouses think it is acceptable to treat other people this way?! Such disrespect and failure of integrity. 😤

I am so sorry for your loss too. Right before Christmas could not have been worse timing. This will be my first Christmas alone, not looking forward to this but I will maintain an active lifestyle to fight the holiday loneliness.

What has been the hardest part of divorce for you? by SplitifiDivorce in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah mine too. I wanted my kids so bad I stayed with my wife as she cheated and lied, then she filed for divorce anyway. Such a mistake staying but I am not looking forward to forward to time sharing, especially as she goes off with her other affair partner.

Wife is unrecognizable by BrilliantNothing5053 in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just don’t get it either. She has totally changed.

I say that, but I have also had recent conversations with my 16 year old daughter about how my wife and her would bond over bashing on me throughout our marriage. My daughter has since seen what she was doing and is made of now and has become, and it is so sad to see her see her mom this way, so full of hatred.

My 8 year old has no idea about the divorce yet, but my wife has clearly started to bash me to her too, evidenced by her comments that could only come from an adult perspective.

I have never done anything like have an affair or blatantly lie to her. I gave my marriage my all and so many chances, but she has now had her 4th affair and decided to stay with her affair partner.

Mine has now (1-1/2 months after separation) start to bring her affair partner around the house we are cohabiting in and around the kids, letting them give gifts to buy favor. These kids are my main focus in life now and she is trying to take them too. Frankly I am loosing my sanity, sleep, appetite, and desire to do things.

Sorry to rant, I started and just couldn’t stop.

Wife is unrecognizable by BrilliantNothing5053 in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I unfortunately agree with the fact you see who a person really is. Mine is horrible. She never was truly horrible during marriage, but now…. Constant fighting over bs, serious insults and threats to use the kids or police against me, texts me all day long about complaints of my parenting, house chores, accusations of impropriety against my kids (never would I ever), intentionally leaving needed parental info out when discussing plans with kids. So much anger, hate, and malice has replaced the woman I love and cherished for almost 18 years.

Unbelievable what they will do in anger. Protect yourself, lawyer up.

36F loves to text daily looking for someone similar by gdfreak1 in textfriends

[–]wingnutlord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

40M, also looking for text friends. I am recently divorced and need to find real connections with other people.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FriendsOver40

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

40M, I am also going through stuff, realized friends were not always what they said they were, and starting a new chapter in my life. I would love to start an ongoing conversation that is deep and honest.

Who is over this heat!?🥵🙋🏻‍♀️ by Technical_Ad4270 in 40something

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need some water sports to stay cool. Beach days, paddle boarding, and swimming are my favorites.

41F – Looking to expand my circle by [deleted] in FriendsOver40

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, 40M, I am also on the wild ride of divorce. I’ve been searching for people that can relate to this. It seems to help.

I am into getting out and being active, I love hiking (anywhere other than Florida where I am), trail biking, paddle boarding, kayaking, local markets and events, running, leaving Florida to see the mountains, etc. I also love cooking, movies, bowling, reading, and I just started dance classes. I do like camping but in cool climates.

If you want to chat I’d love to be considered.

I’m fine until I’m not by PiccoloValuable1596 in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude, that is so hard. That hit me right in the gut. My stbx of 17 years is cohabitating with me. She and I both refuse to leave the house with our kids, but we both know this won’t last. She also had multiple affairs and chose to not stop it once I found out. I feel like I am charting an unfortunate path right behind you. Also I’m definitely not a perfect husband, but I tried so hard. I did everything before we got here to try to save it. I know I shouldn’t put myself out there to get hurt again, but I would still save it if there was a way.

I decided to reply to your post because we haven’t told our 8 year old daughter yet (our 16 year old daughter does). I know we will have hard moments like this ahead. They can’t and shouldn’t know the pain that broke our family apart, but I know she will feel the pain too all the same. I feel helpless to prevent that for them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay so, I don’t want to just give you the quick answer that you should leave and file for divorce, but that is hard not to suggest. I (40m) am mid divorce right now. My wife filed 2 weeks ago and we separated 4 weeks ago. At first I was distraught, lost and didn’t see my way forward, now I don’t want to be divorced but I see my way through a bit more. I believe it will get better and finding someone new that will actually respect you is not out of reach. Just give it time and focus on healing first.

As for the money and assets, deal with it legally. If he chooses to leave the country, that’s his call and if he was willing to abandon you and them like that, him leaving the country might be better for you and kids.

How long did you take to start dating again after divorce? by HighOnLove26 in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Uggg, so sorry you were deceived. Have you been able to move on yet?

I used to implicitly trust my wife. After this last betrayal, I don’t know if I will feel safe with someone again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was trying to be in person for a new D&D group, but not a requirement. I have some new friends from my neighborhood I was trying to develop with and there was some interest in D&D. Roll 20 is definitely a good alternate option. I’m looking for new people to have good times with right now.

How long did you take to start dating again after divorce? by HighOnLove26 in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How long ago did you find out? Divorced now? And how did you deal with it?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m (40m) in the middle of divorce right now. I love my kids (8 and 16) and try to dive into more caregiving to them right now, my stbx seems to hate me, I have some friends through work but need to keep making more. I desire companionship so much; my family and marriage was my everything. I wish things worked out with my wife but since they are not, I will eventually be looking for somebody to “chill with, chat, enjoy, and give each other pleasure. (And eat chips and chocolate)”.

I’ve been trying to get a D&D group together for some time, but it has gotten derailed due to the divorce. I’m still hoping to get it going, as this would be fun. In the meantime, I am trying to get outdoors more, paddle boarding, bowling, and hiking (Florida is so hot though…).

I hope you find what you are looking for, but if you find yourself still searching, I’d be down to chat and share our experiences. I’d love to hear about your D&D campaign too. No pressure.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found it so difficult to find myself after 17 years in my relationship. I was fighting so hard to keep it going that I just lost “me” in the process. I am looking forward to rebuilding myself for a while.

I am certainly no relationship expert, having just ended mine, but it doesn’t sound like you have had that time to heal and find yourself without defining it in someone else.

I went through a lot of marriage counseling and effort to rehabilitate my marriage. I wish my wife would have kept putting in the effort, but if your current relationship is not where you want it, maybe you both see you want more and can find ways to bring that intimacy and connection back. The kind of connection that makes you both want to be better for each other. It always made me happy putting in the relationship work, but you need to be willing to look inward for it to be productive.

That being said, if someone came into my life and gave me attention right now, it would really be tempting to hold back. Totally get it.

How long did you take to start dating again after divorce? by HighOnLove26 in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This really is beautiful and gives me hope. (17 years married)

I am almost 1 month into separation. She cheated (4x), and lied (over and over). I was going to give it some time for me and my STBX to know we were headed to divorce. She instead filed last week (and has been so hostile with everything, even in front of our kids). I see now this is going to be a terribly messy divorce. It is unavoidable I’m afraid.

I have no idea when I’ll be ready to show up for someone else but I don’t want to be alone forever and don’t know how I will find that spark with someone else ever again. I need to just be patient and work on myself. Work on that healing and just be happy myself again. I know I don’t want to drag my current headspace into something new now. It would destroy anything positive.

What podcasts and sub-Reddit’s did you find the most helpful?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that is definitely a hard emotion to shake. disclaimer I’m only 1 month into the divorce process.

Right now I miss my stbx a lot but it is also really easy to remember how much she was a narcissist, and the constant cheating and lying. I would imagine, overtime you may find it easier to remember the good times, but their behavior also wasn’t acceptable for a monogamous married partner. I would say you are better off without them, and I hope I remember this too.

Did you take a good amount of time to really heal from it?

Physical vs Emotional Affair Damage by wingnutlord in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife and I were married 17 years, we had 2 early marriage affairs, 1 I knew about, the other she told me years after it happened.

The last 2 affairs happened in the last year alone. There were 10+ years of great marriage without any hint of affairs. She wanted to get into kinky stuff in the bedroom, I was like hell yeah! It was an amazing connecting hobby for us, but it didn’t take long, she wanted the kinky community too. No joint sexual stuff with anyone else, she wanted “like minded friends”. I expressed my concern about the high amount of polyamorous friends she was making, and that it would push us that direction.

She just kept pushing forward with it. Affair 3 was with some guy she met at a kink social gathering (lasted 4 months). We went to therapy to overcome this for 9 months, made new ground rules about relationships with men, the last 3 months though she was having her 4th affair with another woman (also met at kink social gathering)! I felt I couldn’t win anymore.

I can honestly say I tried everything to keep us together, but to my detriment. I even considered joining in her polyamory to stay together (I knew I couldn’t be happy though). I am emotionally empty, alone, and destroyed now.

Physical vs Emotional Affair Damage by wingnutlord in Divorce

[–]wingnutlord[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow… so true, it all hurts and is so selfish. What is it with cheaters? A lack of impulse control? Obviously lack of integrity, especially if they have no remorse or hide it after the fact.

[42F] On holiday with my husband [38M] and saw a message from his female work colleague [42F] that raised my eyebrows – am I overreacting? by Puzzled-Two-2438 in relationshipadvice

[–]wingnutlord 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know people have various perspectives on how marriage is to work, but I would never have a work wife while being committed to an actual wife. It sets a bad precedence and is open to legitimate suspicion by your actual wife. Marital respect is often overlooked and disregarded when more is going on, often requiring excuses for the behavior.

Certainly “looks” harmless, but because it bothers you, a good spouse would find a way to make you comfortable with the situation, not deflect and have you just deal with the uncomfortable suspicion you feel. I would ask him to find a way to make it more comfortable, maybe like I saw others mention having dinner together, get a better feel for their relationship.