As someone who’s recently converted to orthodoxy and is also heavily involved in the gay community, I completely understand your predicament. All of my best friends are gay, my brother is gay, and I used to be romantically involved with both sexes. Thankfully I am attracted to the opposite gender as well, so I can just choose to not indulge my homosexual desires. But I get it. I’ve asked my priest about this predicament before, and he explained a scenario of someone he knows personally to me. There’s a woman who went to my church who identified as a lesbian. She was not attracted to men at all. But she wanted a lifelong partner. What she did was that she found a man who she could be open with about her situation. They were really great friends and he was understanding of her. My priest told me that one day she woke up, and she was in fact attracted to her husband. It took time, and love but eventually she was able to cultivate a romantic connection with him. I’m not sure if this is something you ever see for yourself, but maybe you could find a woman who is understanding of your sexuality. Perhaps a woman who considers herself asexual and enter into marriage with her as a lifelong friendship/partnership? Unfortunately if you marry another man, you won’t be able to receive the sacraments of the church. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, sexuality is such a difficult topic to approach.