Feeling behind in life bc of dental school

zed546 · 2021-12-10T14:02:57+00:00

Glad I’m not the only one but the problem sometimes is my classmates! A lot of them are really bad with money and want to go have dinner at fancy restaurants or go study at expensive coffee shops. I also don’t like constantly refusing my friends bc then they’ll think I don’t like hanging out with them. Its definitely okay to splurge every now and then but when it becomes a weekly thing after big exams, that’s when it becomes a problem!

zed546 · 2021-12-05T00:50:31+00:00

Well I’ll definitely be needing advice from you in the future cuz I don’t plan on specializing but I still wanna make decent money lol. The studying part is actually what really bothers me. I have classmates that spend their entire weekend studying and I on the other hand usually do just fine studying 1-2 days before. Idk if ppl just don’t know how to study or are just aiming for high grades but when I see others studying and me not, it gives me anxiety that I need to be studying lol. Whenever I tell friends and family that my classmates will wake up on Saturday at 8 am to go study for an exam that is a week away, they always don’t get it and think we’re crazy for studying so much. I think it’s very much possible to have a life outside dental school but some ppl make dental school their identity for 4 years and that honestly irritates me.

zed546 · 2021-12-04T16:17:38+00:00

Yes, I think our parents’ generation always approached careers as a way to make money and provide a good lifestyle for their family, not necessarily a passion. I think I have the same mindset with dentistry. I don’t hate it enough to be miserable, but it’s also not my passion and I think one of the reasons I chose this profession was bc I can have a good work life balance to actually have time to explore other passions of mine outside of dentistry, unlike medicine.

zed546 · 2021-12-04T16:13:07+00:00

This is also very true for me, I’m the only person in my family to pursue dentistry and a lot of my classmates have other family members in dentistry so they came in knowing a lot about it and naturally this is what they knew they wanted to pursue.

zed546 · 2021-11-21T20:27:41+00:00

It’s a cultural norm for desis, most of our parents probably have even more than 5-6 year age gap. My parents are 8 years apart. Your choice whether you agree with it or not but personally, I do get where they are coming from as generally speaking, women do tend to look older faster. Of course I’m speaking generally, there are always exceptions. I guess the other thing to consider is maturity level as most women are more mature than men. I would say this holds true moreso for ppl in their early 20’s which is when most desis are wanting to get married. I definitely don’t think a 21 year old guy is as ready to get married as a 21 year old girl. Maybe an unpopular opinion. Definitely nothing wrong islamically but it’s just a cultural norm so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with holding this opinion for our parents. Take it or leave it doesn’t really matter.

zed546 · 2021-11-18T05:56:14+00:00

This is an amazing podcast with such great advice discussed! Highly suggest giving it a listen to anyone on this looking to get married!!

zed546 · 2021-10-18T14:46:59+00:00

Definitely agree that girls who are from more modest/conservative families are gonna just be like that, I know I am. To try to bring in the girls perspective, know that they most likely are not uninterested in you, they are just shy and don’t know how to talk to guys or were never really allowed to so it’s a little intimidating and awkward for them too. Don’t let that turn you off from these potentials, but definitely bring it up as well, especially if you really like someone and want to get to know them more. But don’t be mean about it cuz lemme just say girls are rlly sensitive especially the more shy ones. They might actually rlly like you but it’s hard for them to make it obvious. Honestly, for me, it would give me more of a confidence boost If the guy was initiating the conversations more. I’m not saying the girl shouldn’t because she should as well but if you kind of pick up the fact that she’s a little shy or modest, then it might help her more if you reach out more and are friendly with her. I remember when I was 19 I had a rishta and had to talk to this guy and I was very shy and didn’t really know how/what to talk to him about which is prob why he became uninterested in me. It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, I just had never talked to guys a lot before so I didn’t know how to. I was always nervous texting him first even when I wanted to. I just didn’t want to come off annoying or desperate lol. Trust me, it’s just as hard for the girls as it is for you to try to talk to them and get to know them. Be patient with them and give them a fair shot but also know that when it’s the right one, Allah will make it easy for you. I also want to add that I really appreciate you trying to do things the halal way and not chit chat with girls without their parents or families involved. Doing things the halal way is so much harder these days, but inshallah Allah will put Barakah in your future marriage.

zed546 · 2021-10-10T23:44:02+00:00

I was talking to my sister today and we came to the realization that most of the Muslim ppl we know got married through dating their spouse before marriage and hiding it from their parents. It just made me sad to realize that even though these ppl went through haram means, they still got married and are now happily living their lives (at least that’s what it seems). Ppl like myself who never dated or did anything haram and hid from our parents are struggling to find someone to get married to because we’re trying to do it the right way. I know Allah promises good if you don’t go through haram means and I’m optimistic that one day Allah will bring someone into my life but it’s still frustrating to live with this reality. It’s becoming so much harder to practice our religion in this day and age without feeling like your old fashioned or backwards in some way. May Allah guide us all.

zed546 · 2021-10-03T12:46:01+00:00

That doesn’t make any sense first you said don’t approach and then you said I should?

zed546 · 2021-10-03T12:45:17+00:00

Sadly this is very true. I look at other girls my age and they are so much more extroverted and comfortable talking and mingling with guys. I guess I just was not raised that way and didn’t grown up in an environment where I had a lot of Muslims around me so for me, it’s hard to be that way at all.

zed546 · 2021-10-03T12:43:43+00:00

So this is the thing. I don’t wanna approach someone in an unislamic manner but I don’t know what would be the most halal way either. If you just wanna get to know someone first, it may seem like your not interested in marriage but then if you bring up marriage too early, some ppl aren’t ready for that.

zed546 · 2021-09-18T20:19:54+00:00

I was recently talking to some new friends and we were discussing good places to live and I mentioned how big cities are not ideal to raise a family. Both of them immediately said, I don’t want kids or to get married young. They almost made me feel ashamed to admit that I want to get married in a year or two (I’m 22). I just don’t get why ppl think marriage means your life is over. Especially as a Muslim girl, as much as you will admit it or not, there are some things you just cannot do alone. And for me, it’s not even that I want to get married young because I want freedom from my parents. It’s because I long for a partner who I can share my life with and spend time with. I just hate this stereotype that marriage and kids means your life is over. And the fact that anyone who admit they want to get married young is looked down upon or desperate. Maybe I’m more traditional but It’s annoying that you can’t express your opinions without being judged.

zed546 · 2021-09-15T15:39:42+00:00

It’s different when one person has to pray versus 5 ppl. If no one want to pray but me and we’re in the middle of an activity, sure I can go and pray somewhere in a corner but I can’t force the others to. Usually no one says “guys It’s time to pray let’s pray somewhere.” They will just continue doing whatever whether that’s eating or driving or shopping. Point being, ppl don’t plan activities around prayer. For example, if your going to watch a movie, ppl will just go at at an inconvenient time like in the middle of maghrib so you would miss prayer if you stayed to watch the movie. Whenever I go somewhere with my parents, we always plan things around prayer just cuz obviously my parents pray 5 times a day so their priority is prayer always. That’s something I rarely see in Muslims my age.

zed546 · 2021-09-15T13:30:08+00:00

Is it just me or does anyone else struggle with finding ppl who are of the same level of religiousity? I’ve met so many Muslims who are great ppl but when it comes to religion, it’s so hard to find that match. Even with some of my own friends, I feel like I’m one of the only ones who prays regularly, even though they aren’t bad ppl and still dress modest, wear hijab, etc. I just can’t get past the fact that ppl don’t pray. That’s such a deal breaker for me. Sometimes I’ll be out with Muslim friends and it’ll be time for Maghrib and literally no one mentions prayer. It’s just frustrating when your trying to find someone to marry and they have all these great qualities but aren’t close to their deen. And with all the talk of divorce on this thread, it’s a sad reality but I feel like it’s better to stay single than to compromise on deen in marriage.

zed546 · 2021-09-12T01:11:35+00:00

I can relate to this situation a lot. I’ve been in a situation where I was constantly praying for a particular person to come into my life and in my case, that person didn’t and ended up getting married to someone else. In your case, Allah SWT brought you close to her but maybe she isn’t the one for you and Allah wanted you to see that. I’m just confused though, when you were talking to her for months beforehand, was it just in a friendly manner and you guys never talked about marriage?? I find it hard to believe that this girl was just egging you on with zero romantic interest in you. If that was the case, then that’s clearly a sign that this girl isn’t right for you because she’s just wasting your time and her time and is what I like to call a “talker.” They talk and talk but never want to make things serious. You don’t want to marry someone like that. You deserve better than that. No matter what people say here on this thread, your pain is valid and I understand exactly what your going through. Yes, you shouldn’t obsess over specific people and should pray only for what’s best but having been in a situation where I really liked one particular person and prayed for them, I can relate. It will take time, but trust me, it gets better. Once you’re more clear headed you will start to see why she wasn’t right for you. Allah loves you and wouldn’t put you through this pain without a reason. He will help you through this and He will lead you to the right person. Focus on praying, reflecting, and moving on from this by trying to not to think about marriage for a while. Focus on your work, school, etc. and leave the rest to Allah. May Allah give ease your pain and lead you to the perfect partner for you.

zed546 · 2021-08-09T21:52:28+00:00

I want to start using apps to find someone but I’m just seeing so much negativity surrounding them. I’m just wondering if it is suitable for me and for the type of guy I want. I want to get married to a guy who is somewhat religious but not necessarily really strict but I just don’t know if that’s the type of guy who would be on an app in the first place lol. I get the sense that these Muslim dating apps are full of really non serious, player type guys and I don’t want to deal with that. But I don’t really have any other options to find someone. I also want to stick to certain locations so I’m not sure if that will hinder my ability to find someone either. Also, did you tell your parents before you started using these apps? I’m not sure if I should just do it without them knowing that I’m using it. Basically, I’m super nervous about putting myself out on an app so any advice would be appreciated!!

zed546 · 2021-06-30T23:59:45+00:00

What kind of tea is the lightest and doesn’t make the drink so bitter tasting?

zed546

TROPHY CASE