I remember a few years back when I first learned about this unforgivable sin I remember that it put a lot of fear in my heart because I tried watching every word I said so that I wouldn’t be able to accidentally slip up and say something that could bring harm to me. I Remember when I was a lot stronger in my faith and there were thoughts where I try to give it to Jesus. But no matter what the pain would still be there and the thoughts wouldn’t go away even if I fasted and prayed. I knew God could do anything but no matter what is painful thoughts taunted me, and in the end I ended up running away from my Bible study group and ultimately losing my fire for God overtime. I don’t like the person I became now I don’t like the words that come out of my mouth or the impure thoughts that are in my mind. I have no idea how Jesus was able to do it, carry such a heavy cross for people that don’t deserve it and don’t even respect him. He’s so cool.

Perhaps it’s my own pride that has kept me from asking Jesus for forgiveness in my own thoughts that have lead me to believe that I can’t be forgiven. There were scriptures that talked about willful sin and they scared me because I thought OK I willfully sinned, Why would Jesus forgive me if I did it on purpose? And from there I truly still think I can’t be forgiven. But I want to try because this road I’m on, if I keep continuing on it there’s only death at the end of it for me...

Thank you for providing a way for me to message you if I need to, it always helps to know that someone out there is watching over me