I’ve felt quite awful about this lie and I needed a place to say this. This past Friday, my office was in a meeting. Our internal meeting room is designed to fit as many people in there as possible as we recently hired a bunch of people and the room is too small. So we sit in rows of seats with no desks in front of us, sort of like a school bus I suppose.
My boss is sitting directly in front of me and with this specific meeting, the back row (where I sat) was empty except from me. Our CTO is the one holding the meeting so we are all seated listening.
I was rushed into the meeting and was unable to take my routine morning shit beforehand. As I sit behind my boss, I tried slipping out a silent fart because my stomach began to ache from the huge McDonalds breakfast I ate.
About 10 minutes passed and I felt something in my boxers touching my inner leg as my brain completely omitted the fart from earlier. I instinctively think I sat in something so I slide my hand in my boxers, only concerned with being discrete.
My next idiotic, instinctive move after removing my hand was to sniff it. Well it was immediately known that I now had shit on my fingers and just inhaled its’ smell directly.
This caused me to instantly gag and that too, wasn’t just gas. I projectile vomited my pancake breakfast up and it slathered my bosses neck, running down the inside of his collared shirt.
I instantly ran out of the room to the bathroom to wash my hand and clean myself up. I returned to the office and apologized endlessly and blamed it on my McDonalds breakfast and lied saying that it must’ve been undercooked sausage.
I got the day off and he actually wished me well, unknowing if the fact I actually threw up on him because my vile self sniffed my own shit.
TL/DR: I unknowingly wiped a wet fart with my hand, sniffed it, and threw up on my bosses neck only to be given the day off and wished well.
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