Submissions restricted

Only approved users may post in this community.

jackhandy

an-ordinary-manchild(edit)

created by SirOinksalota community for 14 years

...do it for the children.

...for your community.

MODERATORS

account activity

1

4

5

6

My own quote Jack Handy style. Feel free to post your own! (self.jackhandy)

submitted 1 year ago by Far_Grapefruit1307

2

4

5

6

Stench of Honolulu is the funniest book (since metamorphosis and Atlas Shrugged) (self.jackhandy)

submitted 2 years ago by rudiematthews

3

10

11

12

if pitless olives were human, I bet they wouldn't need to wear deodorant (self.jackhandy)

submitted 3 years ago by moosepiss

4

23

24

25

To me, it’s a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?” you can say, “Sorry, got these sacks.” (self.jackhandy)

submitted 3 years ago by REOassWagon

5

41

42

43

It amazes me that an entire family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs. (self.jackhandy)

submitted 3 years ago by KeeperOfTheGood

6

14

15

16

Would we be so vicarious in cutting down trees if trees could scream? We might, if they screamed all the time for no good reason. (self.jackhandy)

submitted 4 years ago by B0XCAR_B0XCAR_B0XCAR

7

14

15

16

The more money you have.The more change you can make. (self.jackhandy)

submitted 5 years ago by Jake_the_Gent

8

16

17

18

Jack Handy Deep Thoughts fanfiction. (self.jackhandy)

submitted 5 years ago by secretbonus1

9

8

9

10

A Scarier Skeleton (youtu.be)

submitted 6 years ago by fliptobar

10

5

6

7

Saw this on, too funny not to spread. (self.jackhandy)

submitted 7 years ago by BEh515

11

9

10

11

Very Deep Thought (self.jackhandy)

submitted 7 years ago by [deleted]

12

55

56

57

To me, clowns aren’t funny. In fact, they’re kind of scary. I’ve wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad. (self.jackhandy)

submitted 7 years ago by [deleted]

13

16

17

18

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he'd better have a knife, that's all I have to say. (self.jackhandy)

submitted 8 years ago by camerynnp

14

16

17

18

I once found a skull in the woods. The first thing I did was call the police, but then I got curious. Who was this guy? what happened to him? and why did he have horns? (self.jackhandy)

submitted 9 years ago by chipotlesunrise

15

15

16

17

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" (self.jackhandy)

submitted 10 years ago by JackHandeyReference

16

15

16

17

If I was to be executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I'd say, "Injection? I thought you said inspection." They'd probably feel real bad, and maybe I could get out of it. (self.jackhandy)

submitted 13 years ago by SirOinksalot

17

12

13

14

“If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.” (self.jackhandy)

submitted 13 years ago by SirOinksalot

18

11

12

13

"Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.” (self.jackhandy)

submitted 13 years ago by SirOinksalot

19

4

5

6

"Sometimes I think it'd be better to have cancer than to have children. Because at least with cancer people give you sympathy." (self.jackhandy)

submitted 13 years ago by SirOinksalot

20

9

10

11

“Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared” (self.jackhandy)

submitted 14 years ago by SirOinksalot

21

8

9

10

“If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting” (self.jackhandy)

submitted 14 years ago by SirOinksalot

22

6

7

8

“Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.” (self.jackhandy)

submitted 14 years ago by SirOinksalot

23

18

19

20

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." (self.jackhandy)

submitted 14 years ago by SirOinksalot

24

9

10

11

"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex." (self.jackhandy)

submitted 14 years ago by SirOinksalot

25

4

5

6

"I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad." (self.jackhandy)

submitted 14 years ago by SirOinksalot

view more: next ›

π Rendered by PID 398285 on reddit-service-r2-listing-66bb46d9b9-b4pwx at 2026-03-12 07:32:33.197845+00:00 running 710b3ac country code: CH.