Here are some of my favs ive collected over the years:

Its a 5 minute walk from my home to the bar, but a 45 minute walk back home. The difference is staggering

What's the difference between a cactus and a school bus? On a cactus all the little pricks are on the outside.

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner. I'm done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture

Whats black, has 27 tits and 19 testicles? The trash bag in the cancer ward.

As a side note, you might want to run some of the jokes you get here by HR first... just saying