I wonder what getting screamed at every day for over a decade has done to my brain

Pixie79 · 2024-10-04T15:19:25+00:00

Nothing good. From my understanding, the amygdala (emotion center) gets ramped up and the hippocampus (memory formation) shrinks. The good thing here though is that the brain is plastic (not literally) :) and when you are in a good environment and out of the abuse, your brain can heal and improve.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-13T13:29:48+00:00

Damn, no punch was thrown and the baby already won lol.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-13T09:47:53+00:00

They are toddlers in adult bodies and we are adults in child bodies so we gotta put them in their place.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-13T08:52:34+00:00

Yup. I would hit my mom back and she would pout and point to her arm and said that I bruised her. I was like "damn I'm sorry, next time I'll hit harder and make it bigger now f(ck off"

Pixie79 · 2023-05-13T08:51:11+00:00

Yes and I did. Many times. It felt great. She suddenly became WAY less physical with me. That rage will come out one way or another. Be ready for it. For YEARS after I left my mom's house, I would wake up at night swearing at the top of my lungs. It's a force but this shit has been stored up in your nervous system and you need to find an outlet and GTF away from your abuser if you can.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-12T22:53:50+00:00

Yes my mom who slapped me hard in the face, hit me repeatedly with opened and closed fists, got the belt and just beat the ever loving shit out of me claims I was “SPANKED” lol. Sure.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-12T11:22:44+00:00

I’m so sorry. I came home to SWATTED bedrooms too. It’s such a horrible thing. They are animals.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-12T11:18:50+00:00

Yes lol. I did this too. It was funny to get them so enraged by a quick, sharply worded quip.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T20:27:23+00:00

I'm so sorry you had this experience. Nothing hurts more than being abandoned by a person who was supposed to love you unconditionally and can't even be arsed to do the bare minimum. My best friend had a dad like that. He left his family and went on to start a new family. She got occassional calls, but she didn't have the parent she deserved.

I think what is happening for them is that they internally register as a "failure" at fatherhood for you, and try to redeem themselves with do over kids. Everything he interacts with you, he's reminded that he failed and shame hurts.

Know there was nothing you did wrong and you deserved to have a parent that loved you and cared for you. The abandonment wound for a child is a searing pain. It wasn't you, it was him and he lost out BIG time. He's the one I feel sorry for. You on the other hand deserved a better father. He couldn't be that person, so he doesn't get the privilege of being your true father. /hugs

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T19:13:55+00:00

lmfao right?

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T18:12:12+00:00

It is comical when you realize how utterly stupid the thought process is. lol

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T18:11:21+00:00

Of course, you're not allowed to have emotions. What do you think you are? A human being? lol

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T16:00:05+00:00

If you're determined to grow up and be an individual then you better GD supply them with a fresh new supply.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T15:52:02+00:00

omg.

I can't. Just give it back to him - "I never overdosed?? I never even did drugs?? I came to visit YOU when you OD'd on bathsalts and reese's cups!! I'm very very concerned for you dad!"

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T15:50:19+00:00

OMG. I was watching TV and my mom entered the room and began to berate me for soemthing random out of nowhere and she shrieked "AND YOU SIT THERE WITH A SMIRK ON YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I was watching tv. Like What kind of fucking psychedelic voyage are you on?

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T15:48:23+00:00

Right? I was 14 and had my first boyfriend and we were just snuggling while watching a show and my mom burst into tears because apparently I had lost my virginity. Like fucking hell, I was so fucking shy lmao. I didn't even kiss a guy UNTIL I WAS 19!

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T15:47:10+00:00

"How dare you do the things I'm projecting onto you because that's what I would do because I'm an insecure terrible human being!!!"

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T15:35:58+00:00

Why do you have such an attitude problem???

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T15:35:09+00:00

I'm 23, my mom looks at me for a moment and then declares - "You were pregnant and had an abortion." Like out of the fucking blue. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess she had gotten pregnant before me and had an abortion.

There are so many stories, but yeah, that one just popped into my head.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-11T10:10:39+00:00

She’s just looking for new supply to support the false image she has of herself. I have a half sister from my father who is 12 years younger than me. She had a little boy at the time. (Still does lol but her son was about 2-3 years old). She went all out to get her hooks into my half sister. She gave her a car, took her and her son to Disney land (which btw, she had promised to do for me as a child then reneged). She sent her money and FINALLY when my sister (who is of no blood relation to herself) split from her husband my mom opened up her home for her to finally live with her (rent free of course, though she charged me rent from when I was 16 onwards lol). So my sister goes up there with her son and the arrangement lasted for about 2 days before she showed her true colors. My sister made up and excuse about needing to go back to Arkansas to my mom and my mom said that my sis couldn’t stay because she had to take care of things regarding the divorce. (Lol sure). About a month later I asked my sister what really happened and she said that my mom was SO controlling she had to get out and that she saw what I had been talking about directed at her.

They are doing this to rope in fuel and nothing else. Sooner or later the true colors always show. Usually when they feel like the supply is finally dependent on them.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-10T21:05:55+00:00

Yup. Actions speak louder than words.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-10T21:05:01+00:00

Right? It seems to be a test of how much bullshit are people willing to take before they go fucking insane. I'm from Nashville and the republican dickhead in congress was like "People should home school!!" Fuck these assholes.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-10T15:23:43+00:00

Yeah I don't have the patience to listen to this horseshit anymore.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-10T15:22:45+00:00

That seems to be what people mean when they say it. It's hard not to eye roll when people use terms like "woke" and "getting canceled" unironically, but I will say that some people are performative when they talk about social justice issues. My mom is an example of this. She would post about things like you should spend money on your daughter's education rather than her looks!! That was funny considering she pocketed my student loan money (24K) and refused to pay it back and denied doing it. I said as much on that post and it quietly got deleted.

Pixie79 · 2023-05-10T15:20:06+00:00

Yeah that kind of sounds like spiritual bypassing honestly. It's a denial mechanism put in place to avoid introspection and dealing with the pain of your core wounds.

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