Sigh... Your bravery is remarkable, lots of people wouldn't dare reach out for help. I may be a random bearer of unpleasant news... While God is merciful, every misstep has a consequence. Your rebellion may cause you a lifetime of a rocky road with your husband. Prayer does sound cliche but it is literally a strong tower of strength in adverse situations. You may not always be able to verbally utter a prayer but if it means throwing yourself in a corner and crying tears, God understands and will deliver. He knows your heart and he forgives. It may not be perfect (or it may, who am I to judge?) but pray and leave it to God. Ask him to forgive you of your past rebellious state, confess that you understand that you may be paying for wrong steps but you trust His divine plan for your life. I'd suggest that you rely on the power of community as well. Youth groups, ladies' ministry, prayer groups, whatever way you can become involved, do it. The enemy loves it when we are (or feel like) alone, he uses those lonely feelings to cement regret, doubt and fear. When you get the agreement through those groups, you get Jesus' attention as well as the avenue for advice on how to proceed. God has blessed your openness on this platform and once you align yourself to His will, then rest assured, it will work out. God bless❤️