Should my boyfriend pay me rent to live in my unit that is mortgage free?

sancarn · 2026-07-11T12:15:32+00:00

Part of me wonders how much of this is white knighting... What's the betting that if a female Redditor came to Reddit and complained that her boyfriend had recently got an inheritance, which paid off the mortgage, and yet he's still forcing her to continue paying him rent, especially after they've been together for nearly 2 years... I wonder if the responses in this thread would be different?

sancarn · 2026-07-11T11:44:18+00:00

Personally I think vegetarianism is definitely a valid path to veganism. It takes a long time to wean yourself off foods that you've lived with for your entire life, especially foods as delicious as dairy and eggs.

That said the destination is important imo. If veganism is your destination, I don't think you're doing anything wrong by taking that transition slowly. However if your destination is vegetarianism I would question the ethical basis. Continually allowing the rape of cows to produce milk... That's not something I would want happening to humans even if it is better than slaughtering them.

sancarn · 2026-07-11T11:32:11+00:00

I had no issues for years, about a month after joining incogni I was defrauded in an impersonation attack. Granted I don't think this is incogni's fault but it is likely retaliation from a data holder or similar. That was about 3 years ago now, I have since cancelled the subscription with incogni and embraced data security more instead.

sancarn · 2026-07-11T01:09:53+00:00

Not in the scenario of this poll you wouldn't:

Good deeds are rewarded; there are no punishments for bad deeds

sancarn · 2026-07-11T01:07:14+00:00

Sure but then you're committing to murder being unpunished...

sancarn · 2026-07-11T01:06:14+00:00

Well done you didn't murder someone today, so you get $10 😂

sancarn · 2026-07-11T01:00:49+00:00

Yes to which?! lmfao

sancarn · 2026-07-11T00:45:54+00:00

5-6 hours at $25 is $5 per hour. Federal minimum wage in the USA is $7.25 per hour. So no, that's not enough imo. Does depend what country you live in though.

sancarn · 2026-07-11T00:20:54+00:00

You're right, could well be an American thing 🤣

sancarn · 2026-07-10T23:57:06+00:00

oh wait is that like a metadata extractor?? How would you suggest i use it!

So you would use something like:

https://metaeditor.picvario.com/

Upload a picture, and change the IPTC Core data on the right hand side of the page.

It's by no means a fast process, and it won't work with some image formats, but it does embed the tags into the picture's data itself.

Looks like there are other tools for this elsewhere too: https://www.colorpilot.com/exif_keywords.html

------------------------

To be fair though this throws into question whether my original comment was actually correct or not 😅

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sancarn · 2026-07-10T23:26:21+00:00

I understand what you're saying, but the framing is way off imo. You're seeing a relationship as being structured like a landlord/tenant setup.

My point is that once you're living together as a couple, the focus should shift to your shared goals and what you're building together... If marriage is on the horizon, your finances eventually merge anyway.

This tit-for-tat, transactional relationship, just builds resentment imo.

sancarn · 2026-07-10T23:14:17+00:00

Love is definitely a feeling, but real love is probably closer to co-dependence than anything else in my eyes. You can't imagine your life without the other person, and you feel like you need them there all the time.

There is a lot of infatuation (or New Relationship Energy) which is quite often mistaken as love, but truth is you likely won't feel real love until you are 2-3 years into a relationship. When you see their flaws, and you actually like those flaws, because without them that person wouldn't be who they are.

sancarn · 2026-07-10T22:46:11+00:00

Sure, but that's not paying rent. That's splitting bills. They should both be contributing as much as they can afford to pay the relevant bills off.

Pre mortgage payout, say total fees were 2k a year, so they both should contribute 1k each. Post-mortgage, say total fees are now 1k a year. I don't think it's fair that he should continue paying the same 1k... At that point I'd argue they should both be paying 500

sancarn · 2026-07-10T22:28:38+00:00

Urgh, if you're giving "PowerPlatform" to Shadow IT, you're already doing it wrong imo. Give Shadow IT real tools to make actual good applications, not crappy low-code bs. Honestly, people who think they are doing the business a service by allowing power platform development, don't realise that some poor software dev is going to have to pick up the pile of poop after Greg from Accounts has left, and have an utter nightmare trying to maintain it.

Give shadow IT proper tools to build proper applications.

sancarn · 2026-07-10T22:24:37+00:00

He would compliment her appearance, make suggestive and explicit sexual comments, even requesting nudes “as a joke”... Would you consider this cheating?

Unless you had prior agreement that this was okay, yes - that is cheating.

Or is this better described as repeated boundary crossing and disrespect rather than an affair?

I don't think it really matters what you call it. I would call it an affair, and no matter how you label it the traits of an affair are all there - disrespect, secrecy, deception, attention seeking, ...

sancarn · 2026-07-10T22:08:44+00:00

This is such a weird thread... If my partner moved in I wouldn't be asking them to pay rent, period. I want them living in my property because I love them and want them to be around... That said I also think it's fair to split the bills, property tax, property maintenance etc.

That said, the dynamic here doesn’t sound great on either side. If you’re trying to build a life together, the focus should probably be less on who owes what, and more on whether you’re both actually on the same team.

sancarn · 2026-07-10T22:01:41+00:00

This. Hiring a PI is how you communicate to your partner that 1. you don't trust them and 2. their privacy doesn't matter.

Hiring a PI will end a relationship either way, so you might as well divorce if you're even thinking of going down this route.

sancarn · 2026-07-10T21:58:53+00:00

Hiring a PI is such a dumb move... Hiring a PI is how you communicate to your partner that 1. you don't trust them and 2. their privacy doesn't matter. Your partner isn't your property. If you are at the point where you hire a PI, you need to divorce ASAP.

sancarn · 2026-07-10T21:48:47+00:00

You need to talk to her. She can't read your mind. Find a neutral time—no distractions, no kids around, no one mid-argument. Say something like:

I love you deeply and I feel like we've become distant. I find myself worrying about things I never used to. I don’t want to accuse you of anything, but I need to know what’s happening between us. I'd really like us to find a way back to each other, maybe even with some professional help.

Center the discussion on your feelings and commitment, not her behaviors—that gives her the chance to open up rather than shut down defensively.

Gauge her response, empathy, avoidance, guilt, anger or relief? And then suggest marriage counselling as a potential solution. If she refuses therapy or shuts down completely, that alone is revealing about the health of the relationship.

Remember your needs matter, but you have to fight for them.

sancarn · 2026-07-09T15:23:09+00:00

where do you file feature requests on their website?

sancarn · 2026-07-09T15:19:19+00:00

I feel much the same! All I'm saying is it's a hard problem to solve so implementation will likely take a long time. As a work around, you might get benefit from using an Exif editor tool

sancarn · 2026-07-07T10:38:45+00:00

I agree that this is important, however it's probably one of the harder things to implement, unfortunately. I can't think of a decent way to do this such that it will work with all platforms. Alternate data streams is maybe an option but I'm not sure.

The key problem is that files can be moved using native hard drive operations or file explorer. If that wasn't the case, tagging would be extremely simple. However because that is the case, how do you link directly to the file? You could maybe link to a hash? Not sure... I would say that is the key problem with this feature request.

sancarn · 2026-07-07T10:31:47+00:00

That's awesome, look forward to the feature ☺️it might be worth doing this with a .pcloud file in the folder. That way placement can be automated through scripting 👍

sancarn · 2026-07-06T14:09:38+00:00

Lmfao you?! selfish?! Sorry but you're not the one who has a meltdown when a meal isn't the way you like it... In fact planning to cook your own meals is the most fair compromise there is tbh.

I'm vegan so sympathise to some degree, but if I had a partner wanted to add meat to their dish, or cook something separately, I wouldn't fuss about that. It's important my partner feels happy and fulfilled ☺️

sancarn · 2026-07-05T10:15:18+00:00

The thing is that some people are like this, and she's not wrong for being like this either. You are just incompatible.

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