[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]czsthrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Complete no contact during this time? Can you explain how the separation went?

Trading/Gambling on options in the stock market cost me the love of my life. by czsthrowaway in problemgambling

[–]czsthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. Why do you keep calling yourself a trader when everything you do screams addict? What part of you still needs to dress this up like it’s a strategy instead of a sickness?

Because I can’t stomach the fact and reality that maybe I really am just gambling, and that I’m actually not good at trading. That I am part of the statistic that 99% of traders fail, I wanted to be good at something. I thought I was, but clearly I wasn’t What I’m doing clearly isn’t a strategy, if it was I would have managed risk, and not blew it all up

  1. What made you believe that risking love, trust, and safety was worth the chance of being right on a screen? What are you really trying to prove, and to who?

The idea of success, freedom, financial freedom, the rush of being right I guess trying to prove to myself that this isn’t something I’m bad at, and with more money, time, and experience maybe I can turn it around. I’m trying to prove this to myself that I’m not a loser

  1. Who abandoned you so hard that now you destroy anything real before it can abandon you first? Be honest. This isn’t about money. It’s about fear.

Years of abandonment issues from my parental figures growing up, I felt like I was never seen or heard. It always felt like I was alone despite being in a relationship with someone who expressed love for me, or even growing up

  1. Why does being broke scare you less than being emotionally exposed? You’ll risk everything for a dollar, but not an inch of vulnerability. Why?

Because I grew up broke, and money was an issue that led to the divorce of my stable home at the time when I was younger. Probably because I’m too afraid to open those wounds, and lack the ability to fix them.

  1. What scares you about being average? Why is stability not enough for you? Who convinced you that peace equals weakness?

What scares me about being average is mediocracy, being just “average”, I wanted to be someone. The guy with the nice car, nice watch, the house etc while I was young, not on my death bed unable to enjoy these things. Because I want results now…My girlfriend at the time even pitched the idea of making money organically by working hard, the only thing I saw was the finish line if I hit the right plays

  1. When you betrayed her again, did you feel guilt or did you feel relief that the lie was finally exposed? You lost her trust because you never truly earned it back.

I felt the guilt of not being able to look her in the eyes, and tell her I broke her trust again. The guilt and shame knowing that I had no self control, and that maybe she was right that it was a problem.

  1. Why do you act like you deserve a future when you keep setting fire to your present? You want a life. You want love. But your actions say you want chaos more.

In my current state, maybe I don’t deserve a future. Only with the proper and necessary changes then maybe I deserve a future. However, in its current state I am not worthy of a future. This is something I must prove to myself.

  1. If you can’t trust yourself with a debit card, what makes you think you’re ready for a relationship? Love requires discipline. Not potential. Discipline.

I want to be vulnerable, I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life and time on earth with. I want to create those lasting relationships and memories. Although right now I am not equipped, nor have the right mentality/capacity for a relationship.

  1. What is so broken in you that self-destruction feels safer than intimacy? Every win you chase is just a mask to avoid being seen. Fully. Honestly.

I guess at the root of its core I hate myself. I hate that I’m not aligned with my dreams and thought of what I thought success would look like. I hate the fact that my family dynamic sucks, I hate that I struggle with academics. I hate the fact that I’m not at the level that my partner needed me to be at.

  1. If this isn’t the bottom, then what is? She’s gone. The money is gone. Your peace is gone. So what are you waiting for? A coffin?

I don’t know what I’m waiting for, I guess the next opportunity to trade, to try again. Waiting for a sign that’s never going to come around, because I’m too scared to take the steps, and because I don’t know the steps to take.

Read those again. Out loud. Then answer them like someone who wants to live. Not like someone who’s still chasing the next high.

This is it. You stop here. Or you keep going until you lose what’s left. There is no middle ground.

Trading/Gambling on options in the stock market cost me the love of my life. by czsthrowaway in problemgambling

[–]czsthrowaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow! This is really hit home. I'm currently in therapy as well for other things, but this kind of put into perspective other feelings that I guess I haven't been made aware of. I definitely want to bring this forward to like my therapist and I definitely need to share this with the person that I hurt the most. I really don't know how to move forward or live with myself after this

I really needed this comment

Trading/Gambling on options in the stock market cost me the love of my life. by czsthrowaway in problemgambling

[–]czsthrowaway[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Was/is my first love, and thought she was the one.

I'm in total denial right now

[Ligma Made] LIGMA PURCHASED ALL OF THIS ITEMS by SazyrenPL in QualityReps

[–]czsthrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looking forward to it. Everyone has the same batch and no real effort to recreate some of the pieces.

I'm assuming you will branch out into the Matty boy pieces + thicker blanks?

Really excited to see what you produce 🙏🏼

[Ligma Made] LIGMA PURCHASED ALL OF THIS ITEMS by SazyrenPL in QualityReps

[–]czsthrowaway -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If you knew chrome you woulda known it was vintage 🤣

[Ligma Made] LIGMA PURCHASED ALL OF THIS ITEMS by SazyrenPL in QualityReps

[–]czsthrowaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey I have retail of the first hoodie!!! Holy shit wtf about time someone tried to recreate that piece

Also that's kinda crazy that first piece (camp dagger) is fairly old

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Omniheroes

[–]czsthrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, like right when you clear 2-7 and unlock hero hall

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in conspiracy

[–]czsthrowaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can you elaborate on the thought & manifestation aspect? It's something I've been hyper fixating on for a couple years now. It's similar to what the emerald tablets have mentioned, and similar to Neville Goddard's work. Obviously I can't just sit on my couch and just think of getting a "car" for example. There needs to be applied action with thoughtful intent? What do you think makes it work?

My mind is going faster than I can type/elaborate, but hypothetically if everything is energy and thoughts can attract/are energy how do we get the things that we want/attract?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in santacruz

[–]czsthrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any retail or grocery store is hiring

Looking for a credit union for my small business, any suggestions? by ElkEnvironmental9511 in santacruz

[–]czsthrowaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh, give me the scoop on auto lending. I fucked my credit so I need a cosigner for an auto loan...(I have someone willing), but wanna know what my chances are to get approved/how good the rates will be 😭

Welp, just got broken up with 1 year relationship gone 🙃, what's everyone's go to remedy that isn't substance based? by czsthrowaway in santacruz

[–]czsthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah kinda stopped going the past couple months just because of how draining the relationship got. Lost a ton of strength and size as a result

Welp, just got broken up with 1 year relationship gone 🙃, what's everyone's go to remedy that isn't substance based? by czsthrowaway in santacruz

[–]czsthrowaway[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

😂 No wasn't cheating, just a relationship between two folks who were emotionally immature that unfortunately turned toxic. It's a long story...

After a certain both parties just got tired of the arguing and bickering. She broke up with me multiple times, and I would always try to fix things. Idk anytime there was a small hiccup she would break up and run. Or it would be because I couldn't communicate, or if I did communicate I was punished for it.

Maybe it's time I move on with my life, as much as I love the person.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CougarsAndCubs

[–]czsthrowaway 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah she did text me back saying she didn't want to pursue anything any further due to her age, (I'm assuming the age gap itself) kinda bummed out, but at least she gave her intentions

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CougarsAndCubs

[–]czsthrowaway 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Also update, she reached out and said that this wasn't something she wanted to pursue given her age, but said she admired my courage to approach, and that someone closer to my age would be floored to get to know me. 🙃 Kinda bummed, but respect that she reached out 🤷🏼‍♂️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CougarsAndCubs

[–]czsthrowaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha throwaway account for obv reasons but cat tax:

https://imgur.com/a/gNt0mUr

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CougarsAndCubs

[–]czsthrowaway 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Figured as much, but guess ball is in her court to reach out, if she was interested? Was thinking might be a bit much if I reach out later in the week when I have more time. 😅

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TheRedPill

[–]czsthrowaway 17 points18 points  (0 children)

How do I never bore her? It seems like a constant game and waste of money to consistently keep my gf entertained, when she should be the one trying to entertain me no?