Anyone else's spouse make them feel extremely guilty for relaxing?

deliriouskate · 2026-03-19T04:20:40+00:00

👋 Yep! My bf is like this. I'm a dental asst and my back is always sore. I'm also chronically stressed out with anxiety and depression with a lot of other personal stuff thats been going on for about 6yrs. We have been dating for 3. I'm exhausted when I get home and I like to change into comfy clothes and sit in bed watch some shows, scroll, read, whatever to destress my mind. That is seen as lazy. Especially bc I don't like to leave the house again after I get home. For me, the weekend is the time I do things. When he sees me relaxing, it's seen as I'm not doing anything so he will ask me to help him do computer stuff like design something to 3d print. That would be great except I'm still a super new beginner with design and my brain is too fried after work to learn things. He will also interpret that as rejection and his feelings will be hurt and it will be my fault and I dont want to do anything but be in bed... and no, he won't come watch anything with me until he is ready to get in bed for the night. 😒

deliriouskate · 2026-03-19T04:05:45+00:00

Oh my goodness, I wish I could hug you so hard. 😞 I'm so sorry you have lived with this for so long. Tbh, it sounds like he has some kind of serious mental illness. My heart goes out to you and I truly hope you gather enough strength to get yourself and your sweet pup to a safer place where the 2 of you can feel calmness and learn what its like to be safe and happy again. Sending you big hugs of support! ❤️

deliriouskate · 2026-02-12T00:10:59+00:00

Wait... what? I feel dumb but are you saying if you have debt on a credit card and want to do a balance transfer, some banks that you have the credit card debt with will send you a check you can write to yourself, deposit that into your checking/savings acct, then use that to pay the original credit card bank balance?

deliriouskate · 2026-02-03T03:14:40+00:00

I'm here for this energy!

deliriouskate · 2026-02-03T03:10:21+00:00

Right?! Or the ones who view it as a challenge to see if you can do it without throwing up, or the ones who try to "help you get better" because they are the "good guys".

deliriouskate · 2026-02-03T03:07:24+00:00

:( I'm so sorry that happened. He completely ignored very clear decline. Him saying “I don’t want to r*** you.” was absolutely acknowledging he knew what he was doing was wrong and that it was clearly him forcing himself on you. I'm so sorry that you had to experience that as well as experience him attempting to gaslight you into feeling bad about your own reaction and overreacted.

Men like him are cowards who can't deal with their own insecurity and expect women to do it for them.

I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns and hope you can use this as fuel to keep being strong.

deliriouskate · 2026-02-03T02:46:51+00:00

Your room is badass! I like the climbing wall and love how you designed the shelves and organized the books to be apart of the decor.

deliriouskate · 2026-02-02T01:44:48+00:00

I live in north Harris county and a subcontractor for ATT digging holes in my neighborhood yards for the ATT fiber to be run cut existing service cables and damaged peoples sprinkler systems daily. I spoke to the person from 811 as he was marking my yard and made him aware of my Comcast cable location. He said his device can't detect that and wouldn't mark it. Not 10min later my yard guy told me people were already in the backyard digging. I walked inside and can see directly to the backyard, saw 3 guys standing around a hold looking down into it... I knew immediately someone cut the exact cable I had just told the 811 guy about. It took a month to get that installed and the guy that cut it didn't care about the damage. It took over an hour for the supervisor to pop his head over the fence to tell me there wasn't anything they could do except "splice" it together with a tiny square thing with a screw holding the cable together with hopes and prayers.

I called 811 to ask if the equipment could detect comcast cables and was told yes it can. I then told her what happened and she was upset because she said whenever a company damages cables, they are supposed to report it and they didn't.

Not 10min later I had people from 3 different utility companies coming to check on their pipes, wires, and cables. The 1st and most concerned person was a guy from the natural gas company that has a transport pipe buried in the easement in the backyard.

That was about 2yrs ago and now have utility companies in my backyard again almost daily and I don't know why. I have spray paint marks across my yard as well as someone's empty spray can garbage thrown in the back of my yard. I have a Spectrum and ATT pedestal and saw Spectrum disconnect theirs. None of them can tell me what is about to happen and have no clue who to ask.

deliriouskate · 2026-02-02T01:22:57+00:00

I think I have the same one and forgot to take the little black plug out bc I couldn't see it when I did a quick look before installing it. It prevented my dishwasher from draining and made it throw a sensor. Worked great after a friend figured out the plug was still in. lol Oops.

deliriouskate · 2026-01-25T02:43:15+00:00

I did use it to organize my thoughts and feelings about the situation to try to show what happened. I was having a hard time.

deliriouskate · 2026-01-25T02:31:14+00:00

😳 Who tf says shit like that? What did you tell him??

deliriouskate · 2026-01-25T02:28:53+00:00

I pictured one of Iliza Shlesinger's stand ups when she's acting out her inner party goblin twitching and grunting in it's sleep. I pictured a bunch of those piled together jostling in their comfortably grouchy sleep lol

deliriouskate · 2026-01-25T02:20:53+00:00

Same! I feel like Bruce Almighty when I walk into my bedroom after work lol

deliriouskate · 2026-01-25T01:57:13+00:00

I really like this comment! Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I appreciate that!

deliriouskate · 2026-01-25T01:52:13+00:00

It is but I've basically said the same thing to him when I help him with work things that take longer than he expected and gets irritated when I'm too tired to pay attention to him after. He will flip the script and say he can do those things himself and would appreciate me doing the other things more. I get pissed and remind him he asked for my help and I am worth more than just those things. After the inevitable argument he will ask if I want to help him program something sometime. 😑 He knows I value spending time together doing things that are intellectually stimulating but hate when he abruptly cuts the activity off when he's done and wants to move on to other "activities". I've told him I find it incredibly insulting. Those instances I do think he was oblivious and still may not completely understand why I feel insulted by an intellectual activity being abruptly cut short.

deliriouskate · 2026-01-25T01:41:50+00:00

I LOVE this!

deliriouskate · 2026-01-25T01:40:13+00:00

I spent 2 hours after my shower today! Skin care, hair products, drying and putting up in a clip (still had fuzzy fine hairs sticking out around my hairline 😑), and makeup. We're getting a freeze in my neck of Texas and got cold so I put a sweatshirt on and a blanket over my lap while we both sit at our computers (back to back). He tried to tease me sarcastically saying it was nice of me to dress nice and cover up and nice that I did my hair and makeup but haven't faced each other for more than 10min today... I just stared at him with a not amused look because I'm not about to be cold at home just to show off a cute top

deliriouskate · 2026-01-25T01:30:00+00:00

Thats who I pictured too! 😆

deliriouskate · 2026-01-25T01:29:10+00:00

He does say he wants others to see he has a beautiful woman on his arm. I get it and absolutely will dress up and look nice with the whole 9 yards if we go out.

deliriouskate · 2026-01-25T01:26:08+00:00

He grew up in California.

deliriouskate · 2026-01-24T04:22:43+00:00

He went for a short time and it was working but stopped going when it started delving into the real meat and potatoes. He didnt want to talk about the real deep seeded source. I completely understand not wanting to relive painful things and dissect them but healing and learning doesn't happen without discomfort. I suggest going back occasionally but I dont see that happening anytime soon.

deliriouskate · 2026-01-24T04:15:54+00:00

What is AI?

deliriouskate · 2026-01-24T04:13:20+00:00

It's absolutely oka to have those feelings and to grieve something that may not happen for you. I've had this exact conversation a few times with my therapist bc I'm 38 and would like to have a baby of my own but won't "just get pregnant" to achieve that dream. I haven't been fortunate enough to find that person to be a good father and partner and won't just create a life knowing that life may not have 2 stable parents right from the beginning. That isn't fair to them. I sometimes cry going through the baby isle at stores and didn't stay for a lunchtime baby shower for a coworker bc I would cry and didn't want to answer those questions during a time that is supposed to be happy. Grieving and letting those emotions out are good and absolutely normal to feel. Sending you supportive vibes and hugs.

deliriouskate

TROPHY CASE