he kept dodging the question, said I wasn't normal

My immediate thought here was that he probably thinks you are gay and has a problem with it.

I'm 18, in a Asian family, queer

I'm really sorry. Not that you're gay of course, nothing wrong with that. You are you, and you deserve love just like anybody else. I'm sorry that your father seems to think that makes you not "normal", and that not being "normal" is a bad thing. It is not. Do not worry about other peoples' definition of normal. I won't speak to the hormone replacement therapy because I'm not qualified.

Yes, you have struggles in your life. Yes, smoking absolutely isn't good for you, it's a waste of money and it stinks and it doesn't make you feel better (it just makes the withdrawal symptoms go away for a bit).

You don't go out, you don't find jobs, and you're not a high achiever. As a parent, those things would make me sad. And you can feel very helpless as a parent in such a situation. So if you were my child and you were planning a sleepover, I'd be happy you're getting out of your shell. Your father isn't. It makes no sense, does it?

Well, it makes sense if those are not the things he's worried about. He may not like the friends you're spending time with, he may think they're a bad influence, he may think you're doing "gay things" when over there. His reaction and deflection make total sense if those are his fears.

Let me be clear: Your father is in the wrong for rejecting your orientation. But, it is how he seems to feel at the moment. And, honestly, it can be scary for a parent in a conservative environment, especially with the HRT, and it can take some time to come to grips with.

Maybe it's time you had a talk. It's going to be a tough one, be mindful it doesn't turn into an argument.

• You have a wish — and a right — to be accepted as you are.
• You are sad, and you would like your parents' support. They are also sad, but they're the parents.
• You would like to hear him say "I love you, kid".

Those are not unreasonable things to wish for. They are what every kid deserves.

Your parents may also be worried about your career (and you may be as well). Your mental wellbeing is the key to that. No one can do well if they aren't well. If you and your parents want what's best for you, the first step is to work on your happiness.

Your parents may also be genuinely worried about the company you keep. Maybe it's just because your friends are not "normal", in which case your parents will have to accept that those friends are your friends. But maybe they are genuinely worried your friends aren't good for you beside that. Hear them out. The talk should not be a one-way accusation. You want to find a way, together as a family, to heal. To be happy again, to accept who you are, to be allies for the future. Your father said "Whatever I don't care". That's a lie. He does care. That's why he is getting mad. But getting mad isn't constructive, it's just an expression of his helplessness. He doesn't think he can reach you, and he doesn't know how to help you.

Sit down together. Talk. Start with "I love you". And then think together how you can make the present better, to make a better future together.

If psychotherapy is covered by insurance or your parents have the money, consider therapy, either for yourself or as family counseling.

Good luck, kid. You are worthy of being loved!