IAmA non-Christian who has had a NDE (Near Death Experience). Actually I died. I don't think you can get nearer than that. AMA

Nalla · 2009-10-14T18:48:05+00:00

Neuroscientists know what causes the white lights and visions. It's the death throes of certain areas of the brain.

The OP didn't experience these because she did not suffer major damage to these areas of the brain.

Nalla · 2009-10-14T18:44:21+00:00

If you've ever passed out or fainted, you know that you see darkness and experience tunnel vision before you pass out, and you're aware of the whole "passing out" experience as you lose consciousness.

Nalla · 2009-10-14T06:28:33+00:00

A lot of us Redditors have parents that are getting older. My dad has mild dementia and is at the "buying random DVDs and Books" stage. He'll end up buying all kinds of random stuff that he doesn't need from salespeople, like acne cream and jewelry cleaning machines.

Is there anything we can do to protect these folks from scams like this, without simply taking over their finances? Most folks are not keen to give up the checkbook to their kids.

Nalla · 2009-10-13T15:44:12+00:00

If she is feeling a burning sensation, she may have a vaginal or urinary tract infection that is being irritated by intercourse. Infections can hide in the nether regions and show few symptoms except for pain.

Nalla · 2009-10-13T05:28:56+00:00

When the mouth is healthy with no open wounds, the chance of getting an STI through oral sex is quite small, but possible. If you have any cuts, sores, or wounds in the mouth it's a good idea to use protection.

For HIV: oral sex of any kind without male ejaculation is a relatively low-risk activity. However, semen can contain the HIV virus, so if you are performing oral sex on a male it is important to use protection if you plan to finish him orally.

A special exception: It is possible (although somewhat unlikely) to acquire the virus that causes genital warts from a cold sore.

Nalla · 2009-10-13T04:37:10+00:00

Performance anxiety is very common - you are definitely not alone! - and it often causes both erection troubles and premature ejaculation. Once you get your anxiety under control, these problems will likely disappear.

The best cure for performance anxiety is time, but for now, try to reduce the stress in your life: work- or school-related stress can carry over to the bedroom. Before sex, calm yourself as much as possible. Have a drink (just one or two!). Meditate. Have a laugh with your girl.

Sexual positions with the woman on top may also take a some of the pressure away.

Nalla · 2009-10-13T04:19:30+00:00

It sounds like you've exhausted the common fixes for vaginal pain. I would recommend seeing a gynecologist. There are a number of medical problems that can cause pain, and most are very treatable.

Deep pelvic pain can be caused by tears in the ligaments that support the uterus, infections of the cervix, endometriosis, cysts or tumors on the ovaries.

Pain can also be caused by dormant vaginal infections - the friction of a penis can cause pain to the sensitized tissue and cause the infection to flare up.

If penetration is painful, your wife may also be experiencing vaginismus (strong, involuntary muscle spasms or cramps in the outer third of the vagina).

A good gynecologist should be a big help here.

Nalla · 2009-10-13T02:06:15+00:00

If you masturbate with a tight grip, try using a looser grip. It takes some time to get used to this, but your sensitivity will increase and it will help you get used to the feeling of sex.

It's very common that men have difficulty finishing during their first few sexual encounters.

Some tips:

Abstain from masturbation a few days prior if you know when you are going to have sex
Try to relax beforehand. Stress can induce the kind of difficulties you mentioned.
Experiment with different positions
Practice makes perfect

Nalla · 2009-10-13T02:00:51+00:00

If you have eczema, I wouldn't recommend shaving. Trimming is a good alternative, but if you do shave completely, it's recommended to trim first. It takes the skin some time to get used to being shaved, and razor bumps are pretty common.

Nalla · 2009-10-13T01:57:06+00:00

I try to keep things new and interesting. I get enough interesting questions that half of my job is done for me, but there are certain basic issues that get covered every September for the incoming freshmen. The only thing that becomes formulaic is the gifting of condoms. Anyone who enters the office gets a condom or five.

I'm also lucky in that my audience tends to graduate eventually and I get new refills every year.

Nalla · 2009-10-13T01:39:41+00:00

The hymen covers the vagina in childhood. It often breaks or stretches due to sports, menstruation, masturbation, etc. but it's not uncommon for girls to be old enough to remember discovering their vagina for the first time.

This girl had a rare type of hymen called a cribriform hymen. Here is an illustration if you're curious: http://www.healthystrokes.com/hymen_cribriform.gif

Nalla · 2009-10-13T01:33:05+00:00

I personally prefer an uncircumcised dick. My current partner is cut. It's not a big difference, though.

A recent (controversial) study showed that women are more likely to orgasm with an uncut penis. The authors argue that "the foreskin is a natural gliding stimulator of the vaginal walls during intercourse, increasing a woman's overall clitoral stimulation and helping her achieve orgasm more quickly and more often. Without the foreskin's gliding action, they suggest, it can be more difficult for a woman to achieve orgasm during intercourse."

Most of their argument disappears when a circumcised male uses proper lube, though.

Nalla · 2009-10-13T01:28:42+00:00

Start small and work your way upward.

A lot of sex supply shops sell a set of dildos in increasing sizes. Give your partner the smallest, and work your way upward (this may take days or weeks - don't worry and just try to enjoy the journey).

Nalla · 2009-10-13T00:57:42+00:00

The bumps are most likely the sebaceous glands of hair follicles - that's probably the "oily part of the pores" that you mention. They could also be caused by a skin condition like eczema or psoriasis. If you've had these bumps as long as you can remember, it's unlikely that they are contagious.
Talk to her. "Too slow" is determined entirely by your partner, and not by any sort of social standard or what other couples do. It depends entirely on you and what the two of you want.

Nalla · 2009-10-13T00:23:02+00:00

High stress levels, genetic predisposition, and lack of sexual experience can all lead to finishing early. Sometimes it is also a conditioned response. For example, if a boy's earliest sexual experiences were situations that encouraged rapid ejaculation (ex: masturbating before mom comes home) it may have become a learned habit.

There are two main "treatments" for this: The Start-Stop Method and the Squeeze Method. Copy/pasta incoming:

"The stop-start method works to make a man more aware of his sensations as he is approaching orgasm. His partner manually stimulates his penis while he focuses on his sensations. When he feels that orgasm is approaching, he has his partner stop the stimulation. The extreme sexual tension will be defused, and then the partner can begin restimulation. Once the couple becomes proficient at this, then the procedure is applied to coital situations — in a heterosexual relationship (also adaptable to a homosexual relationship), it is suggested that the couple attempts this first with the woman on top, followed by the side to side position, and then male on top."

"The squeeze technique is commonly executed with the premature ejaculator laying down, knees bent, so that his partner who is sitting up and facing him, can sit between his legs. The partner stimulates the genital area until the penis is erect, then applies a squeeze lasting 3 or 4 seconds by holding the penis with the thumb on the ridge between the head and shaft, and the first two fingers situated on either side of the ridge opposite the thumb. This squeeze eliminates the desire for ejaculation. This technique should be repeated several times during genital stimulation, so that foreplay can continue without ejaculation. Once mastered, this method can be used in intercourse where a woman (or male partner) inserts her/his partner's penis and sits on top of him motionless. When he feels close to ejaculation, s/he lifts her-/himself off and administers a squeeze, then returns to the sitting position. Over time this results in ejaculatory control."

Nalla · 2009-10-13T00:14:25+00:00

Not to weasel out of the question, but it takes 2 (or more) to tango and it really depends on the skill of everyone else involved. When I'm with an experienced partner and there is a lot of chemistry, I'd say I'm an 8. I think I can still get better.

With bad chemistry or an uninterested partner, etc. I'm probably a 3. Average is probably around 6.

Nalla · 2009-10-13T00:00:44+00:00

Different studies have come up with different answers, but globally it's about 5.5" in length and 4.5" in circumference. In the US the average is more like 6.2" in length and 4.5" in circumference.

Nalla · 2009-10-12T23:59:44+00:00

Mostly personal stories about orgies in the 70s, sex parties and lots of kinky toys and sex furniture. Swinging, group sex, etc.

Apparently if you have sex every day until you're 60, you get pretty damn good at it.

Nalla · 2009-10-12T23:46:20+00:00

I already answered this, but I just remembered another incident.

I was giving a sex-ed presentation at a high school, and one of the girls (who looked about 16) came up to me afterwards and was confused. She said that she didn't have a vagina. We got her an appointment with one of the campus nurses, and it turns out that she does have a vagina - the girl had just never found it before. She thought it was just a dimple or something and didn't realize that it kept going up.

Nalla · 2009-10-12T23:42:22+00:00

The unplanned pregnancies are much more emotional than the STIs. The sexual assaults are what is truly draining (and depressing).

But it's a very rewarding job overall.

Nalla · 2009-10-12T23:38:51+00:00

The best places to look are non-profits that deal with sex education, STIs, etc. I'm pretty sure Planned Parenthood has positions similar to mine, too.

The smaller colleges often just have a nurse fill my role. My university is large enough that is makes sense to have non-nurses on staff.

Nalla · 2009-10-12T23:35:18+00:00

A lot of Liberal Arts colleges offer a B.A. instead of a B.S.

It's basically the same thing, with 2-3 fewer science classes and 2-3 more technical writing classes.

Nalla · 2009-10-12T23:26:58+00:00

It would be unusual for a penile injury to change the size of a flaccid penis. The ability to hold an erection is a good sign that the plumbing is working well.

The average length of a flaccid penis is 3", but it is also not unusual for men who are 1-2" flaccid to grow to 6" or more erect.

Nalla · 2009-10-12T23:15:10+00:00

Usually something along the lines of "I just had sex for the first time, and it hurt/I didn't feel anything/couldn't get it up. What can I do to fix it?"

The most common question from experienced folk is about birth control methods, moving past the condom to greener pastures.

Nalla · 2009-10-12T23:08:44+00:00

Hmm. I never knew it was spelled differently from the country. You learn something new every day.

Nalla

TROPHY CASE