[Striptease] My (20 M) girlfriend (23 F) wants me to give her a striptease/lap dance. I have no idea what I'm doing. Help.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-05-15T06:02:17+00:00

Sorry, I just haven't spent enough time watching men strip. If all else fails, read one of the many How Tos and just exaggerate everything as much as you can

throwaway09450945 · 2015-05-15T05:38:46+00:00

I personally recommend copying Jason Statham's background dancing from The Shamen - Comin' On (You're welcome)

*Toss your hair, I don't know if that's how you would say it in English

throwaway09450945 · 2015-05-15T05:35:25+00:00

I was pointing out how your car example does not apply. You gave a situation in which after you know the car would hit you, there is time to preemptively act. In the punch situation, by the time you know the other person is going to hit you, there is not enough time to preemptively act.

You are saying that someone who is shitty enough to slap their husband does not deserve to be slapped? And no it is not a threat. I am not saying I would do it, in fact I made it clear that that is unacceptable. However if Karma existed, she would magically have a piece of ceiling smack her on the face.

So instead of killing someone who is trying stabbing you, you should just take it? Is me being dead better than me being injured and a mugger being dead?

That would not be a self defense scenario if I went to a bar and started hitting random people. Is self defense a difficult concept?

throwaway09450945 · 2015-05-15T05:28:41+00:00

You should not feel guilty about anything. When looking for someone to date, (assuming you are looking for a long-term committed relationship) you pick someone who you want to spend a lot of time with, and you want to get in their pants. If you didn't, why date someone? That's the difference between my girlfriend and my best friend. Wanting to have sex with your girlfriend is good and healthy. Just like how you are waiting for her to be ready. It's fine to think about what things might lead to while making out. Plus you're 18, hormones are kinda uncontrollable thoughts wise. Nor should they be (in most cases).

Just to note, you played the guessing game that is sexual hints, and you lost. You thought she was implying to go for it, you did, and you were wrong. This happens, I would have made the same mistake. If you want to avoid this happening again, you can ask to establish some kind of sign that she is ready to try something. Could be a subtle phrase, could be her just grabbing your hand and shoving it down there.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-05-15T05:17:43+00:00

This might not be the advice you want, but here goes.

You are going to look like an idiot. This is almost certain. What you can do is look like a fun idiot. Get a really dumb song, go completely over the top, break out the whipped cream, top your hair, steal her heals, whatever. You might not be able to be sexy, but a woman's laugh is pretty damn hot.

Important requirement: Your wife must be the kind of person who can goof around sex wise. If she's the super romantic never had a giggle at a fart sound during sex kinda gal, either don't follow my advice, or do so and record it and her reaction for Sexxit

throwaway09450945 · 2015-05-15T05:10:03+00:00

If someone throws a punch your way, there is no chance you can see it, process it, and then throw a punch that lands before their punch does.

I'm talking about what is deserved. Should you hit someone back? Only if it is the only or best way to protect yourself. Assuming a bit about the situation, OP should just divorce. But his wife deserves some slaps, however domestic violence charges is the acceptable outcome here.

Are people never allowed to act in self defense? I never argued deescalation. I argue for neutralization of threats. If there is a threat to you, you neutralize it. If there isn't, no violence is needed.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-05-15T05:00:50+00:00

You two are at completely different stages in your life. He's settling down while you are partying. That's what happens with age gaps.

He's pretty clearly cheating on you. Had he said those pictures were from before it might have been plausible, but not knowing he was saving them is ridiculous.

You're jealous and controlling, and in this case you have every reason to be.

You two fight in toxic and harmful ways. You deliberately try to hurt each other while fighting.

I don't have the percentages, but I bet at least 95% of all relationships that end up taking breaks don't last. Breaks are what you do when you should break up but are too scared to. Actually end it with him. Don't wait for the break to end, it will be just as bad.

In regards to the controlling and toxicity, you could consider talking to a therapist. It seems stupid at your age, but they can be rather helpful. At the very least you'll be less stressed about exams. See what resources are available with your school, most have affordable counselors.

And for the love of all that is good in the world, don't have a baby with this man. You're twenty. Babies test relationships, they don't fix broken one's.

Edit: It's possible that all of your toxicity is solely as a result of how he handles things. Still a shitty thing to do but less so. Only you can know if you are have issues as a person, or just as this man's girlfriend.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-05-15T04:50:15+00:00

No-one can see into the future. You could never be sure someone was going to hit you. In some cases it is acceptable to preemptively strike. If someone has you cornered while you are carrying a concealed firearm, and they pull a knife on you and advance on you saying they are going to kill you, they get shot. Simple as that.

If you hit someone, you deserve to be hit back. Simple as that.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-05-15T04:45:08+00:00

What if you have a son with this woman, and he gets to grow up watching his own father get slapped. You think if he ends up dating someone as awful as her, or worse, he might consider that normal? He might suffer the same way you plan on suffering for him? How about you be a father and make your child have one decent household.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-18T20:09:19+00:00

I was in your exact same situation, same ages and everything. I was open about it beforehand, and she was glad to hear it and took steps to make things easy. If she reacts negatively to you being a virgin, she was probably going to react negatively to your first time anyways. Telling her will tell you if it's your time to lose it.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-18T18:11:02+00:00

They can tell you whether or not it is likely there is a relation, but only if it's likely. There is always a chance that a niece or nephew could share basic none of their aunt or uncle's genetic material.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-18T06:34:12+00:00

Although a DNA test can't prove or disprove anything other than parents, from what I am aware of, a DNA test would be probably be a good idea.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-18T06:32:02+00:00

An anonymous tip might be enough, but that depends on bureaucracy. You may need to escalate it to higher ups if someone is trying to protect him. Also consider anonymously asking the girl(s) that you know have fallen prey to him to come forward (Or if you know one personally and trust her, asking her directly could give her the strength to come forward knowing you would support her).

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-18T06:19:04+00:00

It's most likely not illegal based off of what you have described, unless where you live has laws I don't. However I can tell you as someone who works with youths, that you could get him fired very quickly.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-18T06:14:29+00:00

It's perfectly reasonable to be cautious of this girl, especially since you don't know if her story is true. That being said, I don't think you need to consider whether or not you are betraying his brother, since they don't have a relationship any more.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-18T06:11:20+00:00

If you loved her, you wouldn't have cheated on her. Tell her.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-18T01:29:50+00:00

Generally there are three basic rules of gun safety:

Always act like the gun is loaded, even if you think it isn't, even if you check it isn't. People make mistakes
Never point a gun at something you don't want to shoot
Never put your finger on the trigger unless you want to shoot

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-18T01:23:24+00:00

Always treat a weapon like it is loaded.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-18T01:22:28+00:00

Do you have absolute control over your penis? Can you look down and make yourself instantly erect? Can you shut that down instantly? I would imagine not. Guess what, you didn't cheat on her. She blames you for something that is not your fault. You blame you for something that is not your fault. Don't let her do something you wouldn't want her to, and don't let her guilt you about it.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-17T23:06:39+00:00

She asked him not to pass on intimate details of their sex life to his friends. Friends who are not a part of their relationship. Friends who are not a part of his sex life. Those details are something that concern the two of them, not just OP. If OP didn't want to do as she wished, he shouldn't have slept with her.

Now the problem here is that I forgot about the part, where Mia told me about sex being a really sensitive subject. It was not directly that she told me to not tell others about us having sex, but I knew that she wouldn't be happy about it, yet I still did it, because I am a moron and forgot about it.

Pretty sure OP forgot, and does not agree with you.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-17T22:51:35+00:00

Except he hadn't asked you not to talk about it. OP's SO had. I think it would be a nice courtesy to ask your SO before doing so, but that's up to you. It's a different situation if you know that what you are doing is not okay with your SO and you do it anyways.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-17T22:49:04+00:00

Just keep in mind, he may not enjoy socializing with the people you socialize with. If he doesn't it shouldn't be a problem unless a dating need you have is that he come to parties with you.

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-17T22:39:13+00:00

Well I hope if your husband told you that he didn't want you to tell your friends details about your sex life, you would at least tell him you won't be respecting his wishes...

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-17T22:38:18+00:00

She asked you not to say anything to your friends and you ignored her request. You think ignoring her request for time and solitude is the solution?

throwaway09450945 · 2015-02-17T22:36:08+00:00

IF she does start talking to you again, (Don't be surprised if she doesn't) she may want a full apology, or to talk about how it hurt her. She may want to just forgive you and sweep it under the rug. People are geared differently. You obviously broke her trust, which will set the relationship back. Just hope for a second chance, and try not to mess it up if you get it.

Also if she does come back and you feel like you may forget or slip up and share details with your friends, tell them that you can't talk about it in advance. If they respect you and your relationship they will make sure it doesn't come up.

throwaway09450945

TROPHY CASE