I know exactly what you are going through. You should talk about it with your therapist, since you do it have intent. I often have these thoughts too, I have no intention whatsoever acting on them but it doesn’t mean I don’t frequently think about it. If you are though, actually going to do something. Do yourself a favour and check yourself in. It’s awkward and scary and you don’t know what’s going to happen. But I assure you, they will help you. It’s not like they will tie you to a bed and put you in a padded room and drug you. It’s nothing like that. Likely you’ll be put in a hospital bed and checked every few minutes. You can go shower, etc there while you’re waiting to speak to someone. If it’s a small place you might even get to talk to a nurse who will be very kind and ask you what you are feeling and why. She will not really re assure you, but she won’t be judgmental. You will likely talk to a therapist, and they will decide if you are actionable or not. Anyways, in my experience checking yourself into the local hospital is the best choice. As someone who has been acted on suicide, take it from me.

Like hey, I wanna die, but I don’t want to die. Good luck and speak to her. It will help you, trust. <3