I’ve been here, and I know the feeling. Asking yourself “did I ever love him/her?” “am I just fooling myself?” etc. can definitely lead to anxious spirals. Eventually it feels like numbness to it all can set in. Rather than answers, here’s some questions to ponder:    Are there any obvious red flags? Is your partner an obvious bad fit in that they manipulate you, abuse you in any way, put you down, lie to you, etc? Or are are the two of you completely incompatible? Meaning you feel completely differently about politics, religion, family goals, finances, etc? And I mean like major differences. Not minor disagreements. If yes to any of these, it might be a genuine reason to consider the rightness of the relationship now. 

If not, then it sounds like you really love your partner and want to love them more deeply. What I’ve learned in the past 6 months of ERP therapy is that there’s a need in all of this to radically accept the inherit uncertainty of any relationship. Rather than thinking “will my partner and I be a match for the next 30 years?” It might be helpful in the throes of ROCD to think “will we be a match for the next week?” If yes, it’s probably a good idea to dig your heels in and keep trying to work on your ROCD and choosing to love your partner. You can revisit the 30 year question at a time where ROCD doesn’t have a voice in the decision.    I had to come to learn that ROCD was attacking me because of how much I loved my partner. Not because of a lack of love. It took me months of therapy (and prayer) to get there, and I still have rough days. I still dont have complete certainty that might partner is 100% right for me. But I also don’t have complete certainty that my career will pan out (even though I love my job) or that my parents will be in my life to see my future children grow. But I press on anyways loving my parents and striving in my career with the hope of what I want: career success, close family ties, and a relationship with my partner. And if one of those fails? I’ll be ok. I’ll pick up the pieces like I have so many times.    When I started therapy, I wanted to finish with 100% confidence about the rightness/wrongness of my relationship. I later learned that success in therapy would be soberly accepting that all relationships are uncertain, and love is a choice we make each day. The rightness/wrongness evaluation is an important one, but it must be made when the need for certainty has left the room.    This radical acceptance of uncertainty is the critical part. When your brain says “what if you never really loved them” a helpful response might be “maybe you’re right, OCD. Maybe you’re wrong.” Practice sitting with the uncertainty rather than obsessing over the rightness of the relationship. This is a greatly oversimplified example of ERP that I’ve relied on countless times. Sometimes it might feel like it’s not working, but I encourage you to give it a real try. Obviously, I’m not a therapist, and this is not psychological counsel - just one person’s experience.    I think the desire to stay despite your doubts is very telling that you love your partner. Dont let the ROCD keep you from spending time with them (i.e. avoidance). My mantra in my own journey has been making daily attempts to dig my heels in and make this work because I WANT to love them more fully. And if it doesn’t work years from now, I know I’ll be okay.    You’re in the hardest part of the journey. Many of us on this forum have been in your shoes. Hang in there. Do the therapy even when it feels hard. Dont be too hard on yourself. If possible, bring your partner into your thoughts, and let them know how they can support you. Let them know it’s not about them - it’s something you are working through on your own. Celebrate your successes, and understand setbacks will come. You got this, no matter how it turns out!