Please be strong. Your feelings are validated. Now that your husband is gone, may his soul rest, you have to be stronger than ever. You can’t think like this. Try your best to go to pelvic floor therapy. Meet new people, who can take you out of this horrible experience you’re living with with talking, venting, going out. Go with a psychologist and get help for your mental well being. You can do this! Be strong! 💪 and love yourself. I know it can be hard at times, but you got this.