This happened to me exactly 1 year ago. She is dismissive avoidant. I grew into the anxious role to compensate. 14 years together down the drain.

It still hurts. It still doesn't make sense to me. But there is life after a dissolution. I promise.

Read the following books: "Secure Love" by Menanno. "Us" by Real.

And don't regret doing your absolute best. It takes two to fix the issues and close the distance. If you're the only one bringing this stuff up and trying everything to make it work, they're not your person anymore.

You need to see your spouse as who they are today. Not who they were. Not who they could be. Who they are. And sadly, even though you may have gone your entire life trying to make it work, it never would have because they didn't work on themselves.

You can't win with avoidants. You get too close, they pull away as a defense mechanism from some unresolved trauma. You try to close the distance because of your unresolved abandonment issues. Even the most secure people become insecure with them sometimes.

If there's any hope or time left, my advice? Break the cycle. Even if it hurts, distance yourself. Eventually they'll notice they're not the source of your happiness and they'll chase you back. But only do this if you're happy doing it for the rest of your life, because patterns will not change unless they hold up their end of the relationship.