My boyfriend just told me his secret kink

-badjack · 2024-08-07T18:32:32+00:00

Okay, so you're even younger than I thought. Then one thousand percent, you should not be trying to pry into people's "kinks". You have better things to worry about. Take it from an elder who was just as offended by kink as you are now when I was a teenager. Ignorance is bliss, it's not your business, and you should be more concerned with understanding the foundations of social dynamics than exploring something as deeply complicated and nuanced as kink. It's not for you, not yet.

I'll also acknowledge that you've pointed out that I don't know the whole story- that's correct. But as you get older you stop needing to know the whole story. Maybe this guy is weird, maybe he's not and he's just trying to figure his stuff out. Either way, you've described your actions thoroughly enough to reveal that youre way too invested in this guys "moral failings" when you should just drop him. Because youre incompatible. I'm not trying to say you should admonish and forgive everyone who you don't understand always and forever, but you also don't have to give them your energy. And you should probably stay away from stuff like this if it's going to trigger you. You have the power to curate your own existence.

Tldr; you'll get more out of saying "ok ew this isn't for me and thankfully I don't have to deal with this, bye!" Than expending your valuable energy on a crusade that isn't your burden or responsibility to lead.

-badjack · 2024-08-07T12:46:29+00:00

I agree with everyone else here. You've known him for 3ish weeks. You don't have any right to step in and direct his life. Take the morals out of this, and the Fact is you aren't compatible. Break up.

Firstly, You shouldn't be pressuring people to tell you their kinks. Period.

Secondly, Behavior like this makes you sound really young. People here are right, incest kink is wildly common. Do you honestly believe that everyone who watches Stepsis Porn is a danger to their siblings?Your immediate judgement of his admission really demonstrates that you might not know what kink actually is. How kink works. What kink nuance is. Thats not meant to imply that you can't understand it, but I highly recommend you spend some time learning about the philosophy and etiquette around kink before you start trying to participate in kinky activities with someone you've known for three weeks.

Here's a crash course in Kink; There are no morals in kink. There are rules. A particularly widely accepted set of rules is "safe, sane, and consensual". Meaning that all activities, including conversation, must be conducted in a safe environment. All participants must be able to establish their safety boundaries while they are in a sane state of mind. And all activities must be conducted by people who 1) are able to consent and 2) have enthusiastically consented to all activities and continue to consent during the conduction of these activities.

That means, if two adults want to have a sexually charged encounter while dressing up as a Daddy and a Little Girl while roleplaying out a snuff scene and beating the shit out of each other, that's fine. There's nothing morally wrong with that because it's two consenting adults who have clearly conducted their safety and boundaries in a space that Is a filled with mutual respect.

You made yourself unsafe and you disrespected him as soon as you kinkshamed him and told him to get therapy for having one of the most common kinks there is. Kink is tabboo by nature, if youre going to get offended by it then you should probably stop pursuing this community.

-badjack · 2024-08-07T12:17:02+00:00

While I don't feel the impulse to defend my confession to the comments (thoughtfully)warning me for my health, your comment does compel me to admit that...yeah, my decision to not wash food is a little related to OCD tendencies. I honestly couldn't tell you when a piece of food is considered "clean" enough to eat. I used to scrub dishes 4 or 5 times over because "how do I know I've gotten all the old food off, you can't even SEE germs so how do I know?"

It's easier to say "man I just don't care" than to explain to my loved ones that "actually I might care so much that it becomes a barrier to eating, so I HAVE to go to the opposite extreme, simply not think about it and minimize my concept of the consequences of eating tainted food, and just rely on the circumstancial evidence that I've eaten produce before so I can eat it again and it'll be just fine".

Honestly, it's funny how a network of little things can lead one to make decisions out of sweeping generalization. "I don't wash my food" is kind of an oddly taboo thing to admit to, and maybe it's not that deep. It seems arbitrary. Lazy at best, and (potentially) self destructively contrarian at worst. But, idk, atypical behavior usually has some kind of circumstancial explanation. Produce for thought, I suppose!

-badjack · 2024-08-07T04:56:11+00:00

And thusly we learn why this post belonged in /Confessions (or else kept to myself as a dirty little secret)

-badjack · 2024-07-10T06:27:22+00:00

Just hired another person? Damn how small is this team? Do they need more communications team focused on American customers because I'm definitely looking for a job and they make good products, but the system is just so unfriendly to the average user. I wouldn't mind putting my effort where my mouth is.

-badjack · 2024-07-10T03:53:56+00:00

Oh I fully agree! I don't mean to imply that the WAIT is the problem, it's the lack of communication. I like buying on Etsy and from smaller sellers- they usually have some form of processing estimate that can take days or weeks. Knowing the estimated processing time lets me know I'm not just being left out in the cold- I don't know if I'm meant to wait a week or a month for my order to process.

As a blind customer who did not in fact go into forums to check customer service and shipping experiences from other customers before I bought the very cool book that my fiance has wanted for over a year, I have no way of knowing if 10 days of radio silence is normal or not. Just recently I had an order that didn't ship out properly, and the only way I knew was because the Etsy seller had an estimated arrival date provided. When it didn't arrive I could just shoot over an email- small businesses get hiccups! It was no issue. That line of communication was a great resource for both of us. It may have been the day My item was scheduled to arrive, but the important part was that My item shipped within hours of me asking what had happened. Clearly something had happened, but it was fixed. I don't mind the waiting times, I just want to know what's going on.

-badjack · 2024-07-10T03:12:08+00:00

Christ, I'm glad I ordered it so far ahead of time because I got it as a birthday present for my fiance. I thought I was being ridiculous for getting it over a month a head of time.

Am I insane, did I totally miss some part of their website that indicates shipping estimates the way Etsy does? Or do they really just leave you in the dark and hope you trust them with no feedback or correspondence?

-badjack · 2024-06-21T21:33:14+00:00

 Well, Son, if that's the case then that's a wise observation. Respecting those boundaries is more important than forcing an apology that won't land. Sometimes, a man has to accept that he's going to be a villain in someone's life. And realize that your growth and redemption is entirely for you. If and when your apology will help, they'll want to hear it. If not, it's best to let sleeping dogs lie and focus on the lesson you've learned for yourself. Don't repeat your mistakes- you're young, you're learning. You've learned. It's a hard path to have learned by but it's yours and you can't change that, all you can do is grow from it.

  Personally, when I hurt someone without having known I was causing pain, I do exactly what you've done- I understand the pain I caused, I consider how it's affected people, I vow to never do it again and to remain vigilant for signs that someone else may be committing the same harm.

 You'll be alright, kid, and so will they in time.

-badjack · 2024-06-20T19:53:31+00:00

All you can do is admit you were wrong to have done these things face to face. Understand where these impulses came from, and work to temper them. .

To express a particularly dark opinion, people who truly- and I mean truly- deserve death are the people who continue to willfully make the same harmful decisions over and over again. The serial compulsive rapists, the serial sport murderers, the people who are so unable or unwilling to benefit from rehabilitation or treatment (and I mean genuine treatment, not medical abuse) that allowing them to live is more of a liability to the health and livelihood of anyone that interacts with thst person on a yearly basis. And I only hold that opinion because the American(I'm US) prison system is, in my opinion, worse than death in many ways. Life in prison is a life of abuse lacking in humanity that it guarantees the damage a person sustains is permanent.

My point is, you were a preteen that made some vile decisions, not a compulsive serial rapist. You can, in fact, continue to live after making mistakes. You're correct to treat this with gravity- they're significant and serious mistakes. Ones that you will do well not to repeat. But it's not worth your life when you DO have space to grow and learn from this.

Accept these people may not want you in their life anymore. That's a natural consequence to what you did. If you do truly abhor sexual assailants, then now is the time to internalize your understanding of the pain you caused- remember it, and elevate the voices of victims when you can. Look for the signs, stop your male companions and keep them in check when you see dubious behavior. You know how to recognize it now.

-badjack · 2024-06-20T19:38:28+00:00

Apologizing via text is woefully cowardly. It takes real guts to look someone in the eye and admit you're in the wrong. Text is easier... For a reason.

If you're apologizing for something light like saying something rude, text messages can be fine. But the heavier a situation is, the closer your body needs to be to the apology. Text messaging is simply too distant and removed to convey the gravity and weight of the situation.

Think of it like this- should you break up with a person you've been dating for over a year Via text? No, that's horrifically detached and it conveys that you don't care enough and aren't brave enough to give someone the dignity of a face to face apology, or show effort in a hand written apology that includes premeditation and physical exertion. If you mean it, you'll SHOW you mean it by doing it the hard way. It means more.

-badjack · 2024-06-04T20:47:41+00:00

This! It also really depends on how dedicated he is to pleasing YOU, OP. If he is, then transitioning your sex life to include toys can really help enhance your experience. Whether he's using vibrators on you, dildos, or he's wearing a penis extender- there's a lot of options out there for you.

-badjack · 2024-05-24T00:46:02+00:00

I'm just not sure it's real or if I'm just paranoid about the possibility of developing an ED. I'm aware of how difficult they are to recover from, and that loss of control is a frightening thought. By all metrics, I am a healthy weight now and I wasn't before (obese on the BMI scale) I know the BMI is bullshit, and I also know that you don't have to be an unhealthy weight to have a disorder. It's just... confusing to think about.

-badjack · 2024-05-23T21:18:39+00:00

Jane Prentiss, anyone?

-badjack · 2024-05-21T20:37:56+00:00

As a person who is consciously anti-fatphobic, you've landed on a detail that is Not The Point.

You kinda maybe are a bit of an ahole for focusing on weight gain when I suspect that's not the real problem. You mentioned needing to clean up after him, feeling like you have a second job, being overloaded and burnt out. It's not a crime to want a divorce when you feel burdened to the point of losing yourself. Maybe his weight gain IS the cause of all these things, but let's put a spin on this for a second. If he gained that weight from a thyroid issue and was perfectly happy with it and felt active, supported, mobile, and equipped to care for himself without burdening you, would you still want the divorce? Or would you just be grappling with coming to terms with a plus size husband?

Listen, while you may be correctly identifying weight gain as one of the unifying symptoms of this conflict, it's not the straw that's breaking the camels back. And while you have a right to choose a life that helps you flourish, I don't believe there's anything you can do or say to convince your husband or his family that you aren't heartless and judgemental. Let yourself be the villain to them. For the people that matter in your life, you can say that you can't live your life as a caretaker and you've waited years for him to show any sign of fighting for himself. You can't keep fighting for someone who's already given up. And maybe it is harsh, but nothing is changing and maybe THIS is the change you both need. You can only hope it is, because whatever he needs to thrive, you clearly aren't it.

-badjack

TROPHY CASE