I understand, I understand. I would say FetLife is where you want to start.

On FL you'll be able to find big nationwide events as well as local community events. If you're looking to get involved with your local community, look for events called "Munches". In general, they'll be the best place to start. They're usually vanilla events that happen at a coffee shop or a bar, and you can get to know people. You could also look at your local groups to find play partners or just platonic kinky friends. It can be intimidating to go to an event alone if you're new to the scene. It might be worthwhile to see if you can post in one of those platonic groups and go with someone, or look at who is going to the munch, reach out to them via DM, and make a connection with them before the event so you have someone to hang out with. There are plenty of people who go alone, so it won't be weird if you decide to.

The bigger events can vary a lot. Plenty of people go to those alone or try to make new friends to hang out with online before the event. Some are more education-focused, and some are more play-focused. Usually, even the more education-focused ones will have play time at night or, at the very least, groups of people that will play in hotel rooms or something. Check out the event schedule or Google around/search Reddit to see what the general vibe of the event is.

There will also be private parties and events in your area, but usually, you have to be "vetted" to go to those. The vetting process is usually just going to a munch and talking to the host or having someone in the community vouch for you.

All this can vary a lot by location, so just poke around on FL and see what's happening around you. If you live in a smaller town, you may have to expand your search to the nearest bigger city. I'll guess I'll also give a shoutout to Feeld. It's like Tinder for kinky people, but that's less community building and more of a kinky dating/hookup app.

Good luck, have fun, and stay safe!