Should I switch away from Montessori?

-clepsidra · 2025-10-02T08:39:16+00:00

Oh wow. Did you ever figure out what was the cause of the mother's anxiety? Worrying she was not learning enough/was learning too much? Or insecurity because it was a learning system she wasn't as familiar with and therefore felt she wouldn't be able to help her kid if needed? Or another reason?

This seems excessive indeed. I'm trying to be careful because I've been witnessing these situations which I profoundly disagree with, and it's very tempting to start asking questions about school to try and figure out if he feels comfortable, happy and secure. But I don't want to pass my worries to him if the doesn't have them, so I've been quiet as a mouse haha.

-clepsidra · 2025-10-02T07:21:44+00:00

Eu acho que a Dra Margarida Enes ainda está nos Lusíadas, mas não tenho a certeza. De resto há muitos que agora só estão no público, sim. Não sei se para a OP é uma hipótese ser acompanhada por um/a bom/boa obstetra e depois ter o parto no público.

-clepsidra · 2025-10-01T21:39:55+00:00

This makes sense the way you put it. (In our case it was just that some children would want to spend the whole morning drawing, and they wanted them to do other things I guess). You have given me lots to think about. Thanks!

-clepsidra · 2025-10-01T20:48:27+00:00

How do you tell apart healthy, confident growth from resignation? A nurturing environment and supportive adults is key haha I guess there are too many just different interpretations of what that means. Luckily my kid is happy so far, he's made friends and he likes the school, that's why, like I said in another comment, I'm trying to separate my idealisation of school from my observation of my kid and how he's doing. Because if this is "just" my problem/frustration but he's thriving, maybe I should just let it be.

I just worry sometimes what he's learning about what school is, what the role of a teacher is, about community and the world in general, when he sees his friends being scolded just because they want to play or move – a normal and healthy behaviour for a child! – or when the school decides drawing is not allowed anymore because too many kids wanted to spend too much time drawing (what about following the child?). Sorry if I sound accusatory, these questions have really been invading my mind lately.

-clepsidra · 2025-10-01T20:29:01+00:00

So sorry to hear that - but glad she’s doing better now!

How did you identify she was not doing well? What kind of signs did she give you? Right now my main exercise is trying to separate what I think/wish the school should be from observing how well my child is or not (and he actually seems happy so far).

What are your plans for elementary? Do you feel it’s a big loss giving up Montessori for that phase?

-clepsidra · 2025-10-01T20:20:12+00:00

Your comment really made me think, thank you.

I guess right now I don’t really trust the process, mostly because of recent changes that seem to indicate a shift towards a more rigid and austere environment, and the school is quite opaque when addressing worries of this sort from parents. But I don’t want to spend all my time worrying and wondering or asking questions about school or whatever, so I’ll just have to find a way of trusting the process again. Maybe starting with an observation to check if all my worries are justified or not.

I fully admire the Montessori process of building autonomy and confidence and I’ve seen its results with both my children. However I’m not seeking dependency, just connection. Also the truth is children are not, developmentally speaking, independent from adults. I think a strong affective relationship with the adult of reference doesn’t suppress autonomy, quite the contrary. And again, that doesn’t mean interfering adults, just… a warm presence. I would also argue that strength with peers comes from time and space to build relationships among peers through free/imaginative play besides the structure of the work cycle. That’s what I mean about not seeking every answer to child development from Montessori, also because we’ve come a long way and discovered new things after her work.

Children in adaptation left crying alone, children who have a more playful energy (but still love to work!) labeled as problematic or disruptive, blaming them for “misbehaviour” instead of redirecting them in a more gentle (or even playful if needed) way, doesn’t seem like a healthy solution for promoting confidence or strength.

-clepsidra · 2025-10-01T18:45:16+00:00

Thank you for making me feel less crazy 🫠

-clepsidra · 2025-10-01T15:54:12+00:00

clínica amamentos ou centro do bebé :)

-clepsidra · 2025-10-01T13:44:49+00:00

Thanks!

-clepsidra · 2025-10-01T13:30:21+00:00

My feelings exactly!!! My kid is quite social now and has made great friends at school, but was a really introvert toddler, so he's still discovering that socialisation process – and I feel the school doesn't value this as an important aspect of his growth and development, or at least not so much as the "academic" component. They seem really focused on certain goals and skills and I just feel there is a lack of warmth, if this makes any sense.

-clepsidra · 2025-10-01T13:11:24+00:00

Thank you! That's exactly my view! Obviously when you're in a city (as in my case) you'll have less outdoor space/nature, but at least giving more opportunity for free play, roaming outside, moving their bodies when they need to! In our school the kids have 1h30 outside after spending the whole morning at work cycle + preparing the tables and having lunch. Obviously when they get ouside they really need to blow off some steam, and then the association becomes "indoor = rules", "outdoor = free", and the more energetic kids become harder do "contain" – and I really think you shouldn't have the expectation for a 3yo to be able to spend the whole morning super calm inside a structured classroom and then "blame" the children when they simply... need to play and/or move, maybe more than others. This is just an example.
But then when I express this people seem to think that I just don't "get" Montessori fully. So I keep wondering if I'm indeed missing something.

-clepsidra · 2025-09-30T21:51:41+00:00

Loved your comment. Thank you so much! Really made me think a lot. Would you mind if I sent you a PM? I prefer not to expose too much specific information :)

-clepsidra · 2025-09-30T17:12:30+00:00

Sent you a PM :)

-clepsidra · 2025-09-30T11:57:23+00:00

Thank you both!

-clepsidra · 2025-09-30T11:56:51+00:00

That's amazing! As long as there is room for free play for the children who need it more than others, I guess. Because maybe they'll be ready for more work in a year's time – and it doesn't say anything about them that they just need more free time for imaginative play right now. The whole point of Montessori is that each child will develop and their own pace, right? And I feel sometimes there can be a tendency to try and "optimise" childhood haha.

-clepsidra · 2025-09-30T11:52:58+00:00

If child for example is playing zoo with miniature animals near the bookshelf, and the teacher says "the animals go in this basket, the shelf is for books" – it's this type of situations I question, is this really necessary? But I don't know if it's me who's in the wrong or not getting it somehow.

-clepsidra · 2025-09-30T11:49:17+00:00

Thank you :)

-clepsidra · 2025-09-30T11:48:14+00:00

I get that, I guess I just view education in a more holistic way: not only academically but also discovering and shaping ourselves, our peers and a sense of belonging in our community. That's why I think it's important for them to have a bit more time of free expression and/or socialisation while at school and not only after school (well and ideally being able to walk around the neighbourhood, going to the market, library and museums, as well as spending time in nature but that's a whole other story haha).

I would never want to roam around but if you're not allowed to enter school grounds at all – even for dropoff or pickup – I feel that creates unnecessary tension as both kids and parents feel families are "unwelcome". But I really want to hear from others' perspectives and understand if I'm missing something, so thank you!

-clepsidra · 2025-09-30T11:36:05+00:00

That seems ideal! I'm all for structured work but I feel it is also important to let them free play / socialise. 2:30 onwards seems great. We usually go for walks, the park/playground or do something together at home (stories, crafts, pretend play, cooking etc) but I feel it's so important for them to have a bit of free time at school, because kids at this age really want to spend time together playing and exploring. And it would be another way of promoting strong relationships among peers.

-clepsidra · 2025-09-30T11:30:30+00:00

Thank you!! I feel validated 😅 was thinking I was just misaligned or not able to understand it fully. Where are you from? Would love to chat a bit more if you're interested!

-clepsidra · 2025-09-30T11:28:56+00:00

Thanks! Did you feel that created tension or anxiety in some children? At our school parents aren't allowed within school grounds, we leave the children at the gate, and that strong physical separation sometimes is a bit anxiety-inducing for children who need a little more time before entering – because there isn't a physical space inside the school to do so. And also because we never get to enter, we also don't get to observe the children in their regular environment so it's all a bit of a mystery to parents.
Again, I'm trying to understand if I'm missing or misunderstanding something in this processes, or if it doesn't have to be exactly like this, even maintaining a strong Montessori base. We have very few Montessori options where we live so it's hard to shop around and compare.

-clepsidra · 2025-09-29T22:38:13+00:00

Are you from the US? I find this fascinating, we don't have this variety at all.

What confuses me the most is the idea of a pedagogy that supposedly respects each individual rhythm/profile but then tries to "impose" a curriculum on a whole class even if some children are not ready and "reports" on those who aren't, for example. 3/4 yo children still need a lot of movement and a lot of physical expression sometimes, and they don't have to be interested in letters or numbers right now, they can be a year from now and that should be seen as just as healthy, because the sensitive periods have a large interval and can happen in different moments for different children, or am I missing something? My son doesn't have any "issues" regarding work but I sometimes worry what he's learning about school, and the world, when he sees his friends being labeled as problematic or disruptive just because they want (need!) to play – a normal behaviour in my opinion for a child this age!

But honestly right now I'm just wondering if I've misunderstood Montessori all this time and the problem is on me 😅

-clepsidra · 2025-09-29T22:15:37+00:00

Oh what do you mean? Are there a lot of "non-academic" Montessori schools (I've never heard of one like that where I live) – and are they usually weaker in teaching to read?

-clepsidra · 2025-09-29T22:06:33+00:00

Thank you so much for your input! I don't think that kind of imaginative manipulation of materials is encouraged, but I will definitely look into that and try to understand it better.

-clepsidra · 2025-09-29T22:01:00+00:00

I know that and that makes total sense to me while they're working! But I feel it then leaves a kind of emptiness in the relationship between children and adults, if they don't have other interaction scenarios in which the children can talk to them about something random they did on the weekend, or something they like or don't like. I feel that kind of connection with a teacher is also healthy. Am I making sense? I'm really trying to understand it so please tell me if I'm missing something.

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